RIGHTS OF THE HUSBAND

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*RIGHTS OF THE HUSBAND*

In the same way that a woman has rights over her husband, Islam has laid down certain rights of the husband which his wife must fulfill and guidelines which must be observed. The basic duties of a wife are as follows:

➖ She must protect the wealth and property of her husband. She must not be destructive or abusive of the wealth and property in any way. She must abstain from unnecessary expenditure, extravagance and wastage. She should spend only with the pleasure and permission of her husband. Being very demanding will strain the marriage at some point. On the other hand by getting used to budgeting and economising for everything she will be able to maintain a happy and harmonious home.

➖She must protect herself, her chastity and dignity as well as that of her husband both in his presence and absence. Not only is being unfaithful unacceptable but it will destroy the marriage.

➖She must never unnecessary relate what goes on between herself and her husband to others. If it is a good relationship that is being mentioned to others they may become jealous and create unnecessary problems. Even a person whom we may regard as a very close friend can easily let us down and spread rumours about us or create problems and tensions for us. If it is a bad relationship that we are mentioning to others or difficulties, we may be having, then we must understand that everyone is neither qualified to advise us nor is everyone genuine.  We may solve our problems and people will still be spreading tales about how we do not get along. This will cause a great problem. Many a time people give us the wrong advice, knowingly or unknowingly, which plunges us into disaster, creates a major problem out of a minor issue and does not help the situation in any way. This will not solve anything for us. We must only seek advice from those who are qualified to do so, experienced and have a genuine feelings for us.

➖She must abstain from nagging, screaming, shouting, swearing, etc. She should not get annoyed at every small issue that occurs. Rather she should try to understand that not everything will always happen the way she wants it. She must carefully consider the likes and dislikes of her husband too. This is not an easy task for at times it requires a lot of patience. This is how the marriage will grow and her value will increase in the home. She will be dearly missed if she leaves the home even for a short time. On the other hand, if she always wants things to be done her way, always winging about what she is supposed to have etc, then she will be regarded as a burden in the home rather than a blessing. The husband of such a woman will feel more comfortable outside his own home than within. This can result in him spending more time with others.

➖One of the main reasons why marriage has been prescribed is for a man to abstain from fulfilling his natural sexual desires in an incorrect place but rather fulfill them with the woman who has been made his lawful wife and has become permissible for him. For this reason the husband must be granted the opportunity to fulfilling his sexual desires whenever he feels so. The wife must not unnecessarily refuse to have sex with him or present lame excuses. Where does she expect him to fulfill this desire if she refuses? If she does so she may be guilty of encouraging misconduct. The Prophet (Blessings and Peace of ALLĀH be upon him) has gone to the extent of explaining that even if a woman is busy cooking or doing something else and the husband calls her to bed to fulfill his sexual desires, she should leave whatever she is doing and attend to his need. (Tirmidhi). A husband may desire to have sex even during the day as is seen from the life of the Prophet (Blessings and Peace of ALLĀH be upon him) and his Companions (may ALLĀH be pleased with them).

➖It is detrimental to disrespect one's husband. Shouting, screaming, swearing, venting frustrations by throwing things around or beating up the children or breaking things in the house and being sarcastic when spoken to, are all unacceptable. They are acts of shamelessness and stupidity that result in the anger of Almighty ALLĀH and can destroy an otherwise good home. If the husband maintains silence for some reason it does not indicate that the wife may continue, for one day his patience will wear out. This can have unexpected results which will be regretted. Thus, one must always consider the reaction of one's behaviour, speech and utterances in advance.

➖The husband's family and relatives must be treated well and she must try to fit into the family rather than coming in and making everything change overnight for her sake. Though the wife is entitled to a certain degree of privacy, she must understand that whenever there are a few women who get together and several children, not everything will be done according to one's desire and liking. There will have to be certain differences and certain things that one will disagree with totally. It is advised to bear patience and exercise tolerance, employ the most affectionate and effective ways of putting forward out views and points. This does not have to be done immediately but over a period of time using tact and intellect. It is easier to maintain a good relationship than to mend a broken one. Remember, to keep nagging at the husband about how his family members are, can irritate him and disturb the harmony of the home.

➖It is incorrect for her to create a distance between her husband and his family or cause hatred and ill feeling between them. A good wife will go out her way to make sure that her husband has a good relation with his parents, brothers, sisters and family members. This is a great act of worship and requires a lot of patience and tolerance coupled with intellect and wisdom.

➖She should only leave the home after seeking the permission of her husband no matter where she is going, whether to relatives of strangers. This will increase the trust and enhance the harmony.

➖She should not unnecessarily doubt or suspect her husband of having an affair etc. This type of suspicion, which is usually the result of self created thoughts and ideas, rumours of jealous people who might even claim to be friends or even anonymous callers etc, will only result in destroying an otherwise happy marriage. Rather she should display full support in difficult times. This will go a long way in strengthening the marital bond.

➖In the case where a wife has children from a previous marriage, it is a major sin to disallow the legitimate father of the child access to his children within reasonable limits. This must be worked out with the current husband and fulfilled according to the Shari'ah. Similarly if the husband has children from a previous marriage, it is a major sin to deny his ex-wife her rights or to disagree that he sees his children in the case where they are staying with their mother, etc. The Ulama (Great Islamic Scholars) must be contacted for details regarding the explicit Law of Almighty ALLĀH regarding custody and access.

➖In order to maintain a healthy married life, it is important that the wife beautifies herself at all times for her husband within the limits of the Shari'ah. She should try to be neat and clean at all times, smart and prim, apply a good scent within the home, etc. In fact she must make use of the permitted make-up that is available and she must understand that it is Islamically rewarding to beautify herself for hr husband. If she is not going to take care of this or if she wears tatty clothes that are creased, dirty, smelly, etc, and takes no pride in her appearance for her husband then he may slowly lose interest in her. The Shari'ah has gone as far as terming it a sin to abstain from beautifying oneself for one's husband. Always looking good in the home will definitely enhance the value of a woman in the eyes of her husband. He will consider her a great gift, and appreciate what Almighty ALLĀH has bestowed upon him.

➖She must communicate well with her husband and tell him when major issues take place. If she is sick, she should not expect him to sense or understand that she is sick without being informed. At times if he sees her looking sad or depressed, it is unfair not to explain why this is the case. Keeping a person guessing can be very harmful to the marriage. Sometimes she may be sad for other reasons. She must put forward the reason and clear the air, and if need be, give him the opportunity to help or explain.

Besides these are many other rights and guidelines that a woman should take note of in order to prosper in her marriage. Refer to specialised and detailed books for more.