RIGHTS OF THE WIFE

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*RIGHTS OF THE WIFE*

Upon solemnisating Nikah (marriage) certain rights have to be fulfilled by both the husband and wife. There are also many guidelines that Islam has stipulated and taught in order to help us live within a home that is always happy, harmonious and exemplary.

The basic duties of the husband are as follows:

➖He must provide food, clothing and accommodation for his wife and children. Regarding food and clothing, he must provide them that of a similar standard of his own. Regarding accommodation, if is staying with his parents or other family members, he must ensure that his wife is given her privacy and freedom such that when the two are alone they are in a carefree state. This privacy must also protect her from interference by anyone besides the husband himself.

➖He must oversee his wife's character and conduct at all times especially with others. If she is seem engaging in unnecessary discussion, seeming a bit too friendly or jocular with those who work at home or other strangers, she must be reminded at once in a polite manner to refrain from this. A husband is not allowed to leave his wife to become so independent that she speaks to and befriends whomsoever she wishes without considering his feelings and relations or without considering what is right and wrong or what is beneficial or detrimental to the matrimonial home. Extreme caution must be exercised in this regard.

➖If the wife utters words that are disliked and detested, the husband should ensure that he raises it with her at some stage depending on how serious it is. She should feel that he disapproves of such language or utterances. However to express disapproval at every minor issue or to become furious or over react to the issues, creating a major problem out of a minor issue is also against the etiquettes and characters of a successful husband.

➖If in a serious matter, speaking to her and raising it with her has not helped in any way then he may decide to abstain from sex with her or to sleep separately. If she is sensible and loves her husband, it will affect her to the degree that she will understand the seriousness of what she has done. This will be more than enough to solve the problem. There is no need to swear and scream at the top of one's voice in order to rectify an issue for this can only reduce one's respect in the eyes of his wife and family members.

➖If the husband finds that he is still facing the same problem after having tried all the above then he may employ other methods within the limits of the Shari'ah (Islamic Law) to pressurise her to leave her bad ways. Wife bashing and battering, breaking bones and causing bleeding are un-Islamic. The Hadīth says, "A woman was created from a rib, the most curved part of which is the upper part. If you are going to straighten it you will break it, and if you are going to benefit from it you will have to do so whilst it is curved." (Bukhari)

➖It is also a husband's duty to control his anger when he sees something he dislikes from his wife. The Prophet (Blessings and Peace of ALLĀH be upon him) has said, "A strong person is not he who can outwrestle others, but he who can control himself when angry" (Bukhāri). He has also said, "The best of you is he who is best to his family --- wife in particular." For this reason one must bear patience as far as possible and abstain from uncontrolled anger.

➖It is his duty to ensure that his wife dresses appropriately and acceptably --- within the limits of the Shari'ah --- and that she abstain from shameless clothing that is Islamically unacceptable. He must stop her from intermingling with non-mahram men. If this is allowed to happen, the home may plunge into disarray and will be broken after some time.

➖If one's wife has developed an expensive taste for clothing, jewellery, etc. and makes it a habit to have something for every single inclination and try to keep her away from unnecessary spending and extravagance. This can result in an element of pressure upon the matrimonial home which develops into problems that can even cause the break up of an otherwise happy home. At times in order to deal with such a problem one may find it beneficial to mention related incidents of other people in the past or present, example of the pious and possibly mention of the Hereafter etc.

➖One must live with utmost love and affection with his wife and children. Being overtly harsh or vicious in the home creates a cat and mouse relation resulting in hatred and the snatching away of the blessings. This too can lead to the break up of the home.

➖In the case of a dispute whether with one's wife or between one's wife and mother or family members, one should employ the most effective and affectionate methods of resolving such a dispute. Again, in order to do this, one must make sure that his method does not result in further disputes. Disputes should never be allowed to grow nor should resolving them be delayed. Unresolved family disputes can continue into the next generations and have a very bad and unfortunate effect on the children's lives with their blood relatives. Solving family problems is regarded as a very great act of worship in Islam.

➖It is un-Islamic to spread the problem of the home to others. This is because such problems must be resolved and buried within the home. Problem must not be discussed in the presence of young children for it will be an unnecessary burden on them and will definitely affect them adversely.

➖It is incorrect to raise one's voice, shout or scream, scold or admonish one's wife in the presence of others especially the children. This will result in them disrespecting her disregarding her status and value. Raising the errors of one's wife in the presence of other family members will make her suffer an inferiority complex. All this can strain the marriage and lead to the eventual break up of a home.

➖It is incorrect to praise other non-mahram women in the presence of one's wife especially regarding their beauty. Doing so will hurt her feelings and cause a heartache. She may begin to feel useless and might even doubt her husband which will cause the worst of unwanted problems.

➖The husband must seek the treatment of his wife and children when they are sick. It is incorrect to intentionally disregard the sickness and turn a blind eye on the situation. One must, according to his means ensure the good health of his family.

➖It is a major sin to unnecessary suspect one's wife of infidelity or betrayal. Happy marriages are based on trusting one another. Believing hearsay, anonymous callers or letters and those who do not want to be named whilst making such grave accusations is totally rejected in Islam. This can only result in the unfortunate break up of the home. Jealous elements can even be using this as a means of destruction --- May Almighty ALLĀH forbid!

➖It is incorrect to give preference to one's friend's over his wife and children --- spending long hours on a daily basis with the former whilst forgetting the latter. Islam requires a husband to understand his duties and maintain a balanced approach in this regard. This does not mean that one's friend's should be ignored totally, but one must consider the plight of his wife and children. Spending quality time with one's family will only enhance the marriage whereas not spending time with them will most definitely strain not only the marriage but the father-child relationship too.

➖It is incorrect to abstain from discussion and communication with one's wife and children for no reason. At times after a long day at work the husband comes home and gets so engrossed in reading the paper, listening to the news, sitting with a friend or spending on the internet that he does not realise that his family, who is in need of talking to him, is being totally ignored. If this persists there will be a communication breakdown which will result in misunderstandings that can have disastrous effects upon the marriage.

Besides these rights and guidelines there are still many more that have been mentioned in some specialised books. We have only mentioned the most relevant and important points here. Refer to the detailed books for more.