Let's Change Our Mindsets About Marriage* *Episode 114* *RELATIONSHIP TIPS AND HOW TO AVOID HEARTBREAKS

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*Let's Change Our Mindsets About Marriage*

*Episode 114*

*RELATIONSHIP TIPS AND HOW TO AVOID HEARTBREAKS*

Something motivated me to share this post with you. Bcos I hate to see someone's heart broken for a very petty reason. So let's talk about relationship tips and how to avoid heart-breaks.

1. Generally speaking we all know what our limitations are. Allah ta'alah knows what we dont know, this is why he prohibits relationships. Unfortunately, relationship is an unavoidable drama, even if we keep saying its haram, majority of people wont listen. But still, if we try to follow the rules of Allah, surely we will succeed, and our hearts will not be broken.

2. From the start, relationships are built based on selfish interests and naivety. Why? Most people are into relationships for one reason or another, which means making it halal is not their number 1 priority. So how do you tackle that.

3. As a woman, as soon as you meet a guy, dont just fall into relationship, at least, follow the sunnah, ask him to introduce himself before your parents and seek their permission before talking to you. If he is a good guy, he wont hesitate to do so, but if he is a player, he would want to play tricks. The moment you notice tricks, you fire him. Dont waste any time, unless you are also a player.

4. If he agrees to introduce himself, and he did it. Then, study his family background, or her family background. ask the following questions:

a. Is he/she a good person?

b. Is he/she religious?

c. Is he/she ready to marry (age-wise, education-wise, income-wise)?

d. Is he/she likely to have a troubled family?

e. Is his/her family going to accept this relationship based on the fact that our tribe is different, our income levels are different, our social status is different, our religious ideologies are different. The reason for these questions is that some family did not want their child to marry from another tribe. In many parts of the world caste, tribe and income of family matters a lot in marriage. So if you know your family might not accept him or her, then quit. So if you have such a scenario, before moving with the relationship, talk to your family and see if they will agree.

5. If the above facts are established and you weigh your differences and realise that there might be problems here or there, then the best advice i will give you is to end the relationship. Because family plays a significant role in every marriage. And they can determine the fate of a marriage. Also note that, fighting them will not buy you a good future, so if there is such concern for future disputes, simply quit the relationship. Else, persuade them using what Allah says in the Quran that tribe, language or skin color shouldnt be what differentiate you. The best before Allah are those who are most pious.

6. If the above differences are not a problem, then proceed to the next level. Investigate his or her religious background whether they practice or not. In most cases lack of good religious understanding can put a marriage in jeopardy, so make sure that isn't a problem. And note that it is a sunnnah to investigate the person you wisn to marry. Also note that religion is not measured based on the size of the beard or how long is her Hijab. Being religious is far more than just physical looks.

7. Here is one rule that I want to stress. So read this line carefully. Most of us, especially the sisters, you love blindly without consideration. Just because he says I love you, calls you with names such as sweet heart, darling, baby etc, that should not justify the reason to love him so deeply. Such love is haram in islam. Love is only accepted after marriage. Here are problems caused by love.

a. Too much love can lead to heart break. If he breaks it up, the sisters are always the victims, for him, he pass on, and he recovers within days.

 

b. Too much love can make you feel sexually attracted towards one another; hence, you begin to cross the line. And bcos you love each other, you fail to tell yourselves the truth, and you fail to say no when he touches your Boobs. At first, you feel angry, but eventually, you also join the party.

c. Too much love makes you blind, such that you begin to feel you can choose him/her over your own parents. Such love is a poison. And it can destroy you and leave you lost. Girlfriend or boyfriend can always be replaced, but parents cannot be replaced. So be careful.

d. Too much love keeps you away from seeing the bigger picture. When everyone tells you that he or she is a bad person, you refuse to see it, bcos u are blinded by love. 

e. Too much of love in relationship can divert your focus from a very religious person to an average, from brilliant student in class, to average, from obedient child, to naughty child, from career pursuer to career loser. 

f. Too much love can make someone think they can treat you anyhow bcos u love them. Especially the sisters. He does not care whether he talks to you every day or not, but you are there killing yourself bcos you didnt hear his voice last night. As soon as he realises that you love him more, believe me you are trapped. And you cannot escape his torture. So as a girl, learn to control your feelings and emotions. trade carefully, and dont go beyond necessary. Show him you care, but at the same time show him you dont care.

8. When relationship starts, study him/her as i said, make all the analysis, but dont do a long relationship, it is a waste of time and waste of energy. Long relationship (more than two years) is too long. As soon as you notice inconsistencies, excuses, troubles, make a rational decision and make your conclusion. If there is no future, quit it, and always talk to your partner in order to clear your doubts. Instead of you to waste each others' time it is better you go find a new suitor. 

Lastly, engaging in Haram is the first thing that destroys relationship. Lying in relationship destroys it. Not being honest destroys a relationship. Request for money or similar materials leads to downfall of many relationships. Double relationships destroy good relationships. Quit one, before you enter into a new one. 

May Allah Ta'alah save our younger ones and us from misguidance and illicit relationships. 

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*{To be continued In-sha-Allāh (If Allāh Wills)...}*

*"And keep reminding, because reminding benefits the believers."* (Qur-ān 51:55)