A sister's marital experience

 *A sister's marital experience*

We've been married for some years now, the first 2 years of our marriage was like war front, we fought almost everyday, then I noticed that whenever he starts his troubles and I ignore him, he gets more angry, and whenever I say "OK I'm sorry" he gets more angry, this pisses me off more and more, sometimes I leave the house for him and go to my friends shop, there I gist, laugh and have fun before coming back home to sorrow. This went on for almost 3yrs , families and friends advises me to quit, but I love him too much to let go, then I decided to make my marriage work no matter what, each time we fight, I remain silent, he talks and talks, in fact he brings up our last 10 fights, still I'll remain silent, gradually I began to understand something about him.

Whenever he's out, I sit and think about why we fight too often despite how much we love each other, yes we so much love each other that we once told our parents to stay out of our relationship, they were crossed but we begged and they let go, Since then, little or less they hardly intervene in our fights. 

When he's out, I think on how best to make peace with my husband, I see how peaceful my friends homes are, I hear about people's Successful marriage, why then is mine like this, we love each other, he cares for me, he provides all my needs, in fact he gives me tips. I wasn't done with my thinking for almost 4months. During this period, I noticed somethings:

1. We fight less

2. We smile more often

3. I have less headaches 

4. He stays home more 

5. He praises me more

6. He showers me with gifts more

7. He carries me along in his plans

8. He comes home almost immediately he closes from work (sometimes I wonder if had wings and now fly).

9. People around me tell me I look more chubby and beautiful.

10. I feel this inner peace within me etc.

This is what happened, during this period that I was busy thinking about what could be causing quarrels and fight between my husband and I. I became so quiet, so calm, each time he wants to starts a quarrel I just say: Please don't start, OK fine you win, I'm sorry" He looks at me with that" you're not serious look" and Peace reign, each time I annoy him and he wants to complain, I fool him by saying " Sorry sir" he'll smile and say" that's my girl" deep inside me I do feel " see this man o, so he thinks I meant the sir" I laugh inside me, gradually I cultivated the habit of saying "sorry sir" and he usually reply "That's  my baby or that's my girl" I was doing this with the belief that I was only fooling him, I was doing this with the belief that that's his MUMU Button, but he never knew, rather he began to love me more, he spoils me more and more.

It's been 5years now that I've been using this trick on him and he's been playing along, soon we'll celebrate 8years Wedding Anniversary. 3years war and 5 years of Peaceful coexistence. 

I've come to realize that truly all men are not the same. Those periods of our marriage that we were having issues, I'd refused to study My man, I was busy comparing him with my friends husband, western life was my way of life, I ignored the fact that my husband is an African,brought up with norms and culture, I was demanding equal right in a very foolish way, I wanted him to help me with house chores, cook, and run errands for me just like my friends husband does for them, I was imposing these rules on my husband Foolishly and rudely . And this was the cause of our then fights. 

Today, my husband now helps with everything I was foolishly demanding for then. 

I've come to realize that My husband:

1. He's very emotional and gets hurt easily.

2. Likes to be praised often (even if he hasn't done anything special, praise him).

3. He sees anything he doesn't like? He'll talk immediately.

4. He hates arguments (when he's talking, don't dare interrupt, interrupting his speech annoys him more, but I never knew, I talk back at him all in the name of defending myself).

5. He doesn't play with his food (He loves good meal at the right time). 

I was able to sit up when I did and Alhamdulillah I was able to save my marriage.

 So My husband wasn't a bad person after all, I was the blind one who couldn't see that which wasn't right. 

I don't know who needs to read this, but I'm sure majority of sisters, falls and are still falling into this western life mistakes, all men are not the same, What Mr A will accept, Mr B may detest it. Using "SIR" for your husband doesn't mean you ain't free with him, it doesn't mean you ain't romantic, it doesn't mean he ain't romantic either. My sister, if "Sir" is what will save your marriage, please say it.  I don't know about you, but "Sir" helped me achieved what pet name lawyer such as "baby, sugar pie, honey, darling,sweetie  etc couldn't  achieve. In fact "Sir" helped me gain more freedom. 

My simple advise for all sisters is: Please study your man very well, be patient with him, don't compare him with any other man, accord him his due respect, don't be too hasty in making decisions, if your marriage isn't violence, don't even think of quitting without trying, it rains everywhere, stay back and fight wisely" avoid Violence of any kind, avoid emotional torture and blackmails by all means.

I Beseech Almighty ALLAH Subhanahu Watahala continue to bless every woman with all that it takes to run and maintain her home. Aamiin Thumma Aamiin. 🤲🏽