DIVORCE DIARIES Episode 8

 DIVORCE DIARIES

Episode 8

My name is Sadiya Jubril, I am from kebbi state but I live in Kaduna. I was the first born in my family and my father died when I was young. I met my husband Kabir at a friend’s wedding I attended in Kano in 2013. He was among the groom's friends and he was so good looking all the girls including me, had eyes for him but he didn’t seem to notice us, he just chatted away on his phone, after the wedding I was trying to get a car to school in Zaria and as the fate would have it the groom asked Kabir to give me a lift  as he was also headed for Zaria. On the journey we got acquainted and I found out he was actually a really nice guy although a bit of a snob but that added to his appeal. From there we started communicating constantly although he never made his intentions known until about a year after meeting him and by then I was hopelessly in love with him. Our love story was just like the ones in books, we had a lot of resistance regarding our marriage , my mother was not in support of our union and that was devastating to me, his uncle who was kabir’s guardian also wasn’t in support, my mother’s reason was that she heard a lot of negative things about him and his uncle’s reason was Kabir wasn’t ready for marriage, this became a huge issue for us, how can we get married without our families consent?, the harder my family tried to convince me the more I held on to him, I believed he was misunderstood and once we get married they will see that he is actually a good guy, one story my mother was very concerned about was that Kabir was married before and the girl suffered, he would get drunk and beat her, the marriage didn’t end well but when I asked Kabir he swore it was false, that he was married once but the lady had Aljannu (Jinn) so she would wake up with injuries out of nowhere , and I believed him, I believed everything Kabir told me because he was so good at convincing me and honestly I didn’t want to believe otherwise.

We finally got married towards the end of the year despite everyone trying to break us apart and I could not be happier.

Our first few months were blissful until I started catching  Kabir’s countless chats with girls, making appointments to meet up, one thing I learnt early one in our marriage was things were not what they seems to, Kabir could lie for Africa and he never allows himself to get caught, I also found out he didn’t have a job although he had lied that he had a bureau de change and a car wash business apparently it was a friend’s business and he was a “partner”, turns out he just followed rich friends around and got a little cash from time to time, this caused problems for us especially when I got pregnant because we basically scrapped by .luckily I started working were I had done my youth Corp assignment and I took charge of the house, did everything from feeding to paying rent with Kabir making promises of paying me back.

 After I had my baby boy I went home to stay with my mum, One day I sent my junior sister Jamila to pick up some things at my home, there Jamila met a lady who seemed to be living with Kabir, she was in the kitchen when my sister walked in and she didn’t seem phased although Kabir was very uncomfortable and started making excuses claiming she was a relative ,. Jamila went back and reported this to me and I was furious I waited till Kabir came to see our son before I brought it up and he swore it was not what it looked like, the lady was a relative and she left that day, by now I had started regretting not listening to my family, after returning home I tried to see that I did everything to make our marriage work but it seemed my hard work was all in vain, we were constantly fighting with Kabir over late night parties, side chicks and lies about everything. .

I tried to hide my unhappiness but my mum caught wind of what was going on, or maybe my sister told her but she never said anything about it, only told me to be stronger and prayerful until Kabir started hitting me.

There was a particular girl he always chatted with although I had fought and fought with him over this but nothing changed, he even once lied about traveling to kano for a business but stayed at a hotel with the girl, one day the girl called me and insulted me, this caused a big fight between us, I don’t remember what happened but I know I said a lot of things including how I regretted marrying him, all of a sudden he slapped me and pushed me against the wall, he slapped me again and tried tangling me until I was almost out of breath. This was how it started, initially I thought it was a mistake in the heat of the argument, later I thought it was my fault for insulting him, Kabir later came home and apologized and I thought I won’t happen again but I was wrong. I promised never to say such things to him and he promised never to hit me again but it didn’t, he would say It was my fault that I couldn’t keep my mouth shut, he didn’t even  care if our son or my house help was watching, this went on for almost a year, sometimes he would bring money for chefene but most times I did it with my money, before he would tell me some tale about him expecting some money but he later didn’t care, he would talk with women in front of me, make plans to meet up and I had no audacity to say a word if not he would beat me black and blue.

One day I went to Kebbi for a family re-union and we got talking about marriage with a few cousin’s, we talked about the toxic marriages and one of our relatives that was abused by her husband who eventually died because he beat her when she was 8 months pregnant this made me realize that I needed to do something about my marriage because I was not happy and if I didn’t do something one day he will kill me too. When I got back to Kaduna, decided I would pay Kabir in his own coin, so when we got home, I made dinner and made sure I put sleeping tablet in his food, I sat tight and waited for him to start feeling weak, I sent my son to my mother’s place, I was very nervous but I needed to do this, I waited till he has gone to lay down, not yet asleep but very drowsy, I got one of his belts and started hitting him, he was very shocked, he tried to get up but I made sure I put enough so he couldn’t do anything, that night I beat the living day light out of my husband, I let go of all the anger and pain he had inflicted on me, I shed tears while I hit him, he had to feel what I had been feeling.

After heating him numerous times II was satisfied, I carried my bags which was packed already and went to my mother’s, I told her what happened and said I expect him to want to retaliate but Wallahi if he touches me again I will hire people to beat him up, my mother was not surprised, she said she had known something was up because I was no longer myself. Kabir sent my divorce letter the next day and he asked that I hand over our 2 year old son which I refused, we had a long court case but I gained my son’s custody after the tussle, I can’t allow my son to be raised by this beast that has no empathy for human being. I regret not listening to my mother but my experience has made me wiser, I have since moved on to a happier and healthy marriage. Thank you for listening to my story.

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