IF YOU TOO HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR HER, LEARN FROM THIS!

 *IF YOU TOO HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR HER, LEARN FROM THIS!*

I just spoke to a brother who returned to Nigeria from Sudan to get married. He's been waiting for the sister for three years.

He has been promised the young lady but they asked him to wait.

After having waited for three years, on the Nikaah day, the potential in-laws said they weren't going to give their daughter to him.

Of course, waiting for a sister could be done the halaal way by not having any conversation with her throughout the waiting period, even though that rarely happens. But that isn't the focus of this piece.

The pivot of my message to brothers is: you will never know peace until you understand that women aren't meant to be begged into marriage and neither should the potential in-laws too be begged either.

The crazy desire to get married should be mutual in both the brother and the sister. So once the sister says "NO", please kindly find your way and delete her contact straight away.

Once her parents or guardians say you'll have to wait for so and so time, please kindly speak to your heels. Please run away.

If the young lady involved truly wants you she'll know how to persuade them or invite someone to speak to them. That shouldn't be your headache except if you're formally invited to come around by her waliyy.

The Sharee'ah court option is always there for a serious-minded sister who fears fitnah for herself and who gives preference to Allah's obligation of marriage over her waliyy.

Once again, you wouldn't know peace until you understand that women shouldn't be begged into marriages, not even the potential in-laws.

That rubs you of the izaah, the honour expected of every believing man.

There's a lesson to pick from the woman who mistakenly said to the Prophet 'I seek refuge with Allah from you".

Despite the Prophet's prior keen interest in the lady and her apology after realising it was actually the Prophet she just spoke to, the Prophet did  not take her back.

That's izaah! Honour!

The scripture says: "And to Allah belongs honour and to his Messenger and to the believing men and women."

Till I catch you the next time. 

Yours lovely,

• Abu Zayd