NOWADAYS, DIVORCE IS HIGHLY RATED IN OUR COMMUNITIES. WHO IS TO BLAME?

 *NOWADAYS, DIVORCE IS HIGHLY RATED IN OUR COMMUNITIES. WHO IS TO BLAME?*

I feel so bad any time I hear couples seek divorce, the deliberate act of separating  after being brought together, involving family members and friends, even well wishers were invited. 

At a time in FCT, in two months, “4, 000 divorce applications in Abuja already and the year just started. Some of these marriages are less than a year old. What is really happening?” People are getting married, but they are getting married for the wrong reasons. 

Suddenly, the two lovers turn against themselves, nagging and shouting, threatening and fighting, the yesterday love is the hatred of today.

'In a report published in 2018, a total of 3, 000 divorce cases were recorded in Badagry, a Lagos community. Also, in a report titled, “Deciphering the high rate of divorce in Nigeria,” which was written by Umar Yakubu in 2019, Kano state alone had over one million registered divorcees.'

If you have experienced separation or divorce, if you want to remarry, this time, invest in your relationship before going into it again, it is an opportunity that must not be misused. If you are single, seeking to experience marriage for the first time, invest in your relationship. If you are in a marriage, spice it up by preventing it from breaking because the pressures on marriages are overwhelming in the recent time. 

The biggest challenge affecting marriages is lack of Ikhlas, people claim it but they do not have it. 

Relationship that lacks substance is very easy to identify, but as a middle man, you are not deliberately permitted to tell clients who they should marry, the only opportunity you have as a match maker or counselor is to put issues on the table for both parties to decide. Even when the decisions are not the best, to them, they are making decisions after all by right.

Recently, I handled two different marriages that are facing serious difficulties, but they have something in common. After the match maker linked them together, they went into hiding, these two brothers were just not transparent, they conditioned the sisters not to tell the match maker anything. The sisters pleaded with me, 'please, he  told me that I should not tell you anything, we are having our aqdu Nikkah tomorrow'. To confirm this assertion, I put a call through, and the brothers were not picking the calls. At that point, I wished the sisters well. 

It is a red flag anytime you see a brother or sister who seeks secrecy after being linked, they have something to hide. There was an effort by the match maker to caution these sisters to be careful, but they were infatuated, and the most difficult time to advise anyone who is in a relationship is when he or she is experiencing infatuation.

It takes the grace of Almighty Allah to prevent these two marriages from breaking, because the sisters married by not doing the needful, and the brothers took advantage of the situation, now, they are preparing to go back to their parents' houses.

It is unfortunate how we allow ourselves to be rediculed by brothers and sisters who do not deserve us, and we later leave the marriage without achieving anything. In most cases, we fail to do the background check, medical tests, counseling, yet we want to have good marriages, we should stop deceiving ourselves, invest in your relationship to have peace of mind in marriage.

That you can speak Arabic or English Language is not enough in handling relationships, the fact that you are an adult will not be a yardstick, experiencing one or two past relationships will not be enough, the best solution is to invest in your relationship.