LETTER TO BROTHERS

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بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Religious leaders often preach patience, but rarely hold men accountable for emotional neglect within marriage. A neglected wife is frequently told to “make du‘ā” and remain patient, while the husband responsible for her emotional suffering is seldom challenged over his conduct or failure to fulfil his marital responsibilities.

Furthermore, communities sometimes turn a blind eye, dismissing such situations with statements like “It is a private matter” or “She should be more patient.” Yet, as the saying goes, “The axe forgets, but the tree remembers.” Behind closed doors, many women carry emotional wounds and psychological scars that remain invisible to those around them.

Dear Muslim brothers,

Al-Qurṭubī (Raḥimahullāh) is reported to have said:

“If you have power over your wife, then remember the Might of Allah; Allah’s Might is above every might. Therefore, no one should transgress against his wife, for Allah Almighty is ever watchful and observant.”

[End of quotation]

My brothers,

Your wives are an Amānah (trust) from Allāh. I have observed that some men treat their wives as though their feelings, dignity and emotional well-being are insignificant, forgetting that their actions can expose these innocent women to serious emotional and psychological trauma.

It is important to understand that marriage does not grant either spouse the right to abuse the other physically, sexually, emotionally or in any other manner. Marriage is a covenant built upon mutual respect, compassion, responsibility and the fulfilment of one another's rights.

Indeed, just as a husband can become a means of his wife's attaining Paradise or falling into sin through his treatment of her, a wife can likewise influence her husband's journey towards Paradise or wrongdoing. Both spouses have rights and responsibilities towards one another, and neither should disregard the rights of the other.

My dear brothers, listen attentively!

Women deserve tenderness, compassion, understanding and consideration. Marriage requires both spouses to recognise one another's vulnerabilities and make deliberate efforts to protect each other's dignity and emotional well-being.

The Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) emphasised gentleness in dealing with women, using the analogy of delicate glass vessels to remind men of the importance of treating them with care and consideration.

This is precisely why Islām places such emphasis on kindness, affection and mercy within marriage. Allāh (SWT) identifies these qualities as fundamental signs of His wisdom and mercy in the institution of marriage.

Allāh (SWT) says:

“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed, in that are signs for a people who give thought.”

[Qur'ān 30:21]

My brothers, never mistake a woman's patience for an absence of pain, her silence for satisfaction, or her endurance for permission to continue hurting her.

Being a husband is not merely about exercising authority; it is about demonstrating responsibility, compassion, justice and accountability before Allāh.

May Allāh guide our men to become husbands who protect rather than hurt, understand rather than dismiss, and show mercy rather than inflict pain. May He bless our marriages with tranquillity, affection, mutual respect and enduring mercy.

Āmīn.