THE BREAKDOWN OF MUSLIM FAMILIES

 

FAJR REMINDER: THE BREAKDOWN OF MUSLIM FAMILIES

Jumādā al-Ūlā 29, 1448 AH | Monday, 9 November 2026

Where Has Our Sense of Responsibility Gone?

One of the growing concerns within Muslim communities today is the gradual erosion of family values and the increasing instability of Muslim households. Marital conflicts, rising divorce rates, domestic abuse, neglect in children's upbringing, irresponsible husbands, unappreciative wives, and unrealistic expectations fuelled by social media are increasingly challenging the foundations of many families.

Sadly, some couples appear more concerned with asserting their rights than fulfilling their responsibilities. Others approach marriage as a competition in which one person must emerge victorious, rather than as a partnership founded upon love, mercy, sacrifice, cooperation, and mutual understanding.

Why Are Our Homes Losing Their Stability?

At the heart of this problem are weak religious commitment, selfishness, ineffective communication, inadequate preparation for marriage, and a poor understanding of marital rights and responsibilities. Many individuals enter marriage with unrealistic expectations, influenced more by romantic fantasies and societal pressures than by the Islāmic principles that govern family life.

Furthermore, anger, pride, financial difficulties, interference from relatives, and unhealthy comparisons on social media can gradually undermine the peace and stability of the home.

Of particular concern is the tendency to emphasise religious rights while neglecting the responsibilities that accompany them. A husband may demand obedience without demonstrating kindness, compassion, and consideration, while a wife may demand provision without appreciating her husband's efforts and sacrifices. In such circumstances, marriage can easily deteriorate into a struggle for dominance rather than remain a source of tranquillity.

We must understand that neither spouse is permitted to use religious teachings as an instrument of oppression, manipulation, or selfishness. The rights of one spouse do not cancel the responsibilities of the other.

Building Families Through Mercy and Cooperation

Consider the household of ‘Alī Ibn Abī Ṭālib and Fāṭimah Bint Muḥammad (Raḍiyallāhu ‘Anhumā). Their marriage, like every human relationship, involved challenges and responsibilities. Fāṭimah (رضي الله عنها) experienced considerable physical exhaustion from grinding grain and performing household duties, while ‘Alī (رضي الله عنه) also carried the responsibility of providing for their family.

When Fāṭimah sought assistance from the Messenger of Allāh (ﷺ), he taught her and ‘Alī a Dhikr to recite before sleeping: Subḥānallāh 33 times, Alḥamdulillāh 33 times, and Allāhu Akbar 34 times.

This beautiful incident teaches us the importance of patience, remembrance of Allāh, spiritual strength, and seeking His assistance during life's difficulties.

Let us also reflect upon the example of the Messenger of Allāh (ﷺ), who treated his wives with compassion, gentleness, and consideration. He emphasised:

"The most complete of the believers in faith are those with the best character, and the best of you are those who are best to their women."

[Sunan At-Tirmidhī 1162]

If the Messenger of Allāh (ﷺ), despite his enormous responsibilities, demonstrated such kindness towards his wives, what excuse do we have for treating our spouses with harshness, arrogance, or contempt?

The Lessons We Have Forgotten

Our righteous predecessors understood that marriage was an Amānah (sacred trust), not an opportunity for one spouse to dominate the other. They valued simplicity, exercised patience during difficult times, and recognised that family stability depended upon cooperation, mutual respect, and consideration.

They did not measure marital happiness by extravagant lifestyles, expensive possessions, or public displays of affection. Rather, they understood that a flourishing home is built upon Taqwā, good character, mutual respect, and the faithful fulfilment of responsibilities.

Today, we must sincerely reflect on whether we are more concerned with being obeyed, appreciated, and served than with being responsible, considerate, compassionate, and loving partners.

We must also remember that patience does not mean accepting abuse, violence, or oppression. Islam does not permit anyone to violate another person's rights in the name of obedience or demand that someone endure injustice in the name of preserving a marriage. Where abuse occurs, seeking protection, appropriate intervention, and qualified assistance is necessary.

Restoring the Foundations of Muslim Families

Allāh (ﷻ) beautifully describes the purpose and wisdom of marriage:

"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect."

[Sūrah Ar-Rūm 30:21]

The Messenger of Allāh (ﷺ) further stated:

"Every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock... A man is the guardian of his family and is responsible for them. A woman is the guardian of her husband's home and his children, and she is responsible for them..."

[Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 7138; Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 1829]

This Hadith reminds us that responsibility and accountability are fundamental to family life. Both husbands and wives have obligations before Allāh, and neither should neglect the trust placed upon them.

Therefore, we must restore proper Islāmic education on marital rights and responsibilities before marriage. We must encourage kindness, mutual consultation, understanding, and cooperation between spouses while discouraging the misuse of religious teachings to justify oppression, neglect, or selfishness.

Parents must also take an active role in their children's Tarbiyah (moral and religious upbringing), rather than leaving this enormous responsibility entirely to schools, social media, and society.

When disagreements arise, couples should seek qualified counselling, sincere reconciliation, and appropriate family mediation rather than allowing resentment, bitterness, and pride to destroy their homes. Where there is abuse or danger, however, the safety of those affected must come first.

Above all, husbands and wives must recognise that fulfilling their responsibilities is just as important as demanding their rights.

A Final Wake-Up Call

Dear Muslims, a successful marriage is not built upon two individuals constantly demanding what they believe they deserve. Rather, it flourishes when both partners sincerely strive to fulfil the responsibilities Allāh has entrusted to them.

Our righteous predecessors built their families upon obedience to Allāh, patience, mutual respect, and good character. We must ensure that our own homes are not founded upon ego, competition, material desires, or the endless struggle to prove who is right.

Before demanding more from your spouse, take a moment to examine your own contribution to the marriage.

Are you bringing peace or tension into your home? Are you fulfilling your Amānah, or are you merely demanding your rights? Are you showing the kindness and consideration you expect from your spouse?

Remember, the strength of the Muslim Ummah is deeply connected to the strength of its families. The homes we build today will shape the character, values, and future of the generations that follow.

May Allāh (ﷻ) safeguard our homes, strengthen our marriages, grant tranquillity to our families, protect the oppressed, guide husbands and wives to fulfil their responsibilities, and make our households places of love, mercy, righteousness, and obedience to Him.

Āmīn Yā Rabbal-‘Ālamīn.