ONE BEST CHOICE [[- Episode 11 -]]

 

ONE BEST CHOICE

[[- Episode 11 -]]

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

A previously married woman often knows deep in her heart what she wants to do to make her new relationship better and stronger. She carries this wisdom like a quiet gift, something a woman who has never been married may not yet have experienced.

Now,

While children can serve as binding agents in first marriages (even troubled ones), stepchildren can sometimes become sources of tension in subsequent marriages. Children from previous marriages, if proper care is not taken, can make subsequent marriages even more complicated. Yes, the more children involved, the more complicated the responsibilities may become.

Now,

Problems Caused by Stepchildren No. 3: Financial Stress

When many of us are searching for a life partner and considering marriage, particularly where stepchildren are involved, how many people actually take the time to discuss who will pay which bills?

Couples who build successful marriages often make their expectations clear from the outset. Unfortunately, many couples fail to have these important discussions and instead operate on assumptions. In reality, many couples simply rely on what they have individually assumed without openly communicating their expectations.

Stepchildren and Financial Agreements:

Newly married couples are advised to make time to discuss arrangements concerning children from previous marriages. Such discussions should clearly establish important details, including the actual number of children, where they will live, and who will be responsible for their financial needs, particularly when divorced women or widows remarry.

Yes, there is nothing wrong with a divorced woman or widow taking responsibility for the financial needs of her children from a previous marriage, especially when her new husband cannot afford to shoulder those expenses but she can. This can help make it easier for her new husband to accommodate the children under his roof without placing an unreasonable financial burden on him.

Evidence:

وَإِنِ ٱمْرَأَةٌ خَافَتْ مِنۢ بَعْلِهَا نُشُوزًا أَوْ إِعْرَاضًا فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْهِمَآ أَن يُصْلِحَا بَيْنَهُمَا صُلْحًاۚ وَٱلصُّلْحُ خَيْرٌۗ

"And if a woman fears from her husband contempt or evasion, there is no sin upon them if they make terms of settlement between them – and settlement is best..."

📚 Surah An-Nisa' 4:128

Reaching an understanding between a prospective husband and wife regarding the care, living arrangements, and financial responsibilities of children from previous marriages is essential. This is because parents and their new spouses may not have the same financial resources as their former husbands or wives. Therefore, these matters should be discussed openly and agreed upon before they begin living together.

Servants of Allah!

It is perfectly understandable for someone to prefer marrying a person who has no children. However, if you choose to marry someone who has children from a previous marriage, you should be prepared to embrace those children with kindness, patience, and compassion, and seek the countless rewards that come with doing righteous deeds.

Allah (SWT) says in Surah Al-Kahf 18:110:

"...فَمَن كَانَ يَرْجُوا۟ لِقَآءَ رَبِّهِۦ فَلْيَعْمَلْ عَمَلًا صَٰلِحًا"

"So whoever hopes for the meeting with his Lord – let him do righteous work..."

📚 Surah Al-Kahf 18:110

The Bottom Line:

When two people marry, they establish a family. A child is part of that family, whether biologically related to both spouses or only to one of them.

Yes. If someone cannot genuinely accept the reality that their spouse will have financial responsibilities towards children from a previous marriage, then it may be wiser not to enter that marriage. Alternatively, they must be willing to accept and understand that responsibility.

After all, children deserve kindness, patience, compassion, and love, regardless of the circumstances surrounding their parents' previous marriages.

To be continued...