Guidelines To Intimacy In Islam Episode 34 Kind Treatment of Wife

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*Guidelines To Intimacy In Islam

Episode 34

*Kind Treatment of Wife*

A very important aspect of a husband's psychological preparation is preceding 

sexual relations with good treatment, kind words, playfulness and affection. Islam 

generally commands the husband to treat his wife honourably at all times. Allaah 

Ta’aala saysin Surah Nisaa’:

"Live with them in kindness (treat them well). If you dislike (anything in) them then (be tolerant because) it may be that you dislike something whereas Allaah places abundant goodness in it" (Qur'an 4:19)

Allaah is teaching husbands in this verse that they should not be hasty in passing judgement regarding their wives. They should  patience and what they find disturbing to them today might turn out to be a boon for them later in life. My teachers told us that in this verse Allaah is arguing the case on behalf of our 

wives. He is their representative. What a powerful representative do they not have? How dare we, as husbands, ever challenge such a representative? 

Hadith

1. Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم emphasised, both verbally and in action, the importance of 

treating one's wife kindly. Sayyiduna Abu Hurayra relates that Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم said:

"The most perfect of believers in belief is the best of them in character. And the 

best of you are those who are the best to their women." (Sunan al-Tirmidhi 1162 with a rigourously authenticated chain of transmission)

Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم was a living example of how a husband should treat his wife. He was extremely gentle and kind toward his wives, and treated them in an amicable 

manner. He was affectionate, humourous and considerate towards them. Many examples of Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم's treatment of his wives can be found in the books of 

Hadith.

2. Sayyiduna 'Abdullāh Ibn 'Abbās relates that Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said:

'The best among you is the one who is best to his family. And I am the best among you to my family." (Sunan Ibn Majah 1977)

As such, treating one's wife kindly is a general ruling of lslam, and is essential when one intends to have sexual relations. How a couple treat one another outside the bedroom will have a direct impact on how they treat each other in the bedroom. 

*It is a disgrace to Treat her Unkindly*

1. In a Hadith, Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم describes how disgraceful it is for a husband to treat his wife cruelly and then have sex with her. He صلى الله عليه وسلم said:

" ... One of you beats his wife as he would beat a slave, and then he wishes tohave sex with her in the evening!" (al-Bukhari 4658 and Sahih Muslim 2855, the wording is of Bukhari)

Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم is displaying astonishment at a man who mistreats his wife and then has the audacity to engage in sexual relations with her. 

2. This is why in another Hadith he صلى الله عليه وسلم said:

"How can one of you beat his wife like a stallion is beaten and then sleep with 

her?" (al-Bukhari 5695) 

In other words, how can a husband treat his wife harshly and aggressively and 

then expect her to be responsive to his sexual advances?

Muslim husbands really must take heed of this. Some men, outside of the bedroom, fail to treat their women with warmth and affection, but when it comes to sex, all of a sudden, they become caring and compassionate. Not only is this selfish, it also shows what the wife actually means to the husband.

The Sunnah is to precede sexual relations with tenderness and affection. The husband should use the appropriate means to seduce his wife, through his words and actions. In this way, the wife will also be extremely receptive to his sexual advances.