Guidelines To Intimacy In Islam Episode 36 Foreplay

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Guidelines To Intimacy In Islam

Episode 36

Foreplay

Once a couple are psychologically and physically prepared and in the mood for 

sex, the union should begin with foreplay. 

Foreplay comprises all the sexual activity that precedes actual penetration. Verbal

expressions of love and desire that the couple exchange between each other are 

included in this; however, this section will only examine the physical aspects of 

foreplay.

Importance of Foreplay

Engaging in foreplay is immensely important and a vital constituent of a happy 

marriage, and as a consequence, it should never be disregarded.

Both spouses should arouse each another, as it will result in a more pleasurable 

union.

Although foreplay is important for both spouses, it is of greater importance for 

the husband to sexually arouse his wife before having sex. Women generally take longer to become fully aroused. If the husband has sex with her when she is 

unprepared, he may fulfil his need, but not hers. This will result in the wife 

becoming frustrated and this is detrimental to the marriage.

The husband should take his time in arousing his wife. Only when he sees that she 

is ready, prepared, and desirous of him, should he engage in having coitus. It is 

egotism on the husband's partto fulfil his own sexual need and leave his wife 

unsatisfied and discontented.

Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم also encouraged foreplay between the spouses. 

 

1. Sayyiduna Jābir Ibn'Abdullāh relates:

 

"I was in the company of Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم in a battle ... Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم said [to me], "Did you marry?" 

I answered, ''Yes." 

He said, "A virgin or a non-virgin?" 

I said, "A non-virgin." 

He said, "Why not a virgin so that you may play with her and she may play with you? ... " (al-Bukhari 1991) 

This Hadith does not in any way conclude that one should not marry non-virgins. 

Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم himself married many non-virgin women. His beloved first wife Sayyida Khadija was not only a non-virgin, but 

much older than him too. As such, there is nothing wrong whatsoever Islamically 

in marrying non-virgin women and widows. In this Hadith, Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم was 

addressing the issue from another angle. This is why, in the narration of Sahih Muslim 715, sayyiduna Jābir said to Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم" I have sisters; so I was afraid that she [a non-virgin woman] might come between 

me and them, whereupon he صلى الله عليه وسلم said, "Well and good, if that is so. A woman is 

married for her religion, her wealth and her beauty. So you should choose one with religion, may your hands cleave to dust."

2. Imam Tirmidhi reports with his own chain of transmission to Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم

that he صلى الله عليه وسلم said:

" ... Every game a Muslim plays is futile (Baatil) except for archery, training one's 

horse and playing with one's wife, for they are from praiseworthy acts." (Sunan al-

Tirmidhi 1637, Sunan Ibn Majah 2811 and Musnad Ahmad 17433, the wording is

of Tirmidhi)

3. Sayyiduna Anas Ibn Mālik  reported that Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم

said, "None of you should come onto his wife like an animal; but rather there 

should be between them a messenger. It was said, "What is the messenger 0 Nabi

of Allaah Ta’aala? He replied, "[Foreplay of] kissing and words." (Ithaaf al-Sadat al-

Muttaq'in bi Sharh Ihya'' Ulum al-Din 6:175, with a weak chain of transmission)

4. Sayyiduna Jābir Ibn 'Abdullāh is reported to have said, 

''Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم forbade from engaging in sex without foreplay." (Al-Tibb al-

Nabawi P: 181, with a weak chain of transmission)

5. Imam Ibn Qudama, the renowned Hanbali jurist, mentions a narration in which 

Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم is reported to have said,

"Do not begin intercourse until she has experienced desire like the desire you 

experience, lest you fulfil your desires before she does." (Al-Mughni: P:136)

The above few narrations express the importance of foreplay between the 

spouses. Not only did Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم encourage foreplay, but he engaged in it 

with his wives, as it will become evident from some of the narrations mentioned 

later.

Sayings of our Pious Predecessors

1. Imam Ibn al-Qayyim states that foreplay with the wife should precede sex -

foreplay through kissing and sucking on her tongue, for Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم would 

engage in foreplay with his wife and kiss her. (Al-Tibb al-Nabawi P:180)

2. Imam Munawi states, "Foreplay and passionate kissing before sex is an 

emphatic Sunnah (sunna muakkada), and it is disliked (makruh) to do otherwise." 

(Fayd al-Qadir Sharh al-Jami' al-Saghir 5:115)

Some regard practices associated with foreplay to be inappropriate and contrary 

to religious propriety. For them, it is piety to abstain from these activities, but this 

is completely erroneous, for who can possibly be more pious, pure and Allaah-

fearing than Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم?

Yet, not only did he encourage foreplay, but he engaged in it with his wives. Islam 

is a practical religion which allows its followers to fulfil their sexual needs in a 

lawful manner.

Foreplay can take many forms, and it is best left to the couple to discover what 

stimulates them, since each couple is different. The prohibited acts, however, 

must be avoided.