﷽
*Let's Change Our Mindsets About Marriage*
*Episode 64*
*MARRIAGE WITHOUT TEARS*
[A short story sequel to ‘OUR LOVE TILL JANNAH’]
The union of convenience is that of understanding and tolerance while a marriage of inconvenience lacks the two aforementioned. There is no total compatibility in marriage, for a successful union, he is blind and she is deaf. Blind to her shortcomings but not without corrections. Deaf to hearsays, but not without confirming the truth, by and large it takes wisdom.
Marriage without tears is very possible so come with me let me share you stories of marriages without tears. Without tears here doesn’t mean a smooth marriage which of course does not exist, It simply means a problem/causal and solution/effect narration.
Story one [The Smarts]
Hassan Smart is raised by his mother. She is the kind of woman who knows where her husband is every night. A widow who chose to remain single after the demise of her husband, she had three children of which Hassan is the third and last. Her first child is a girl, followed by another girl and a boy who is Hassan. No matter how much she was advised to marry again, she always had this to say “what more do I want, I have a girl and two boys, tell me, is there another gender apart from this two?” This was always her reply so friends and family got tired of her and allowed her be.
Mama Smart protected her children like mother hen who is always watchful and mindful of the hawk. Her protection over them was overly to the extent that after her girls grew up and got married, she meddled in their affairs with their hubby. Hassan who was the only son was always referred to as a mummy’s boy by his friends. He never ate when his Momma is hungry, he sit when she asked her to sit and he does nothing without telling her. His life revolved around his mother and of course as expected when he got married, he had problems.
Sakeenah never knew she was marrying a Momma’s boy. Hassan is the cool type and his cool attitude was the point of contact. It endeared him to her and after a while of hum and haw, she accepted his proposal and they got married.
Their marital life is sweet except for the unexpected challenge. Sakeenah realized in no time what she was in for and that that was the beginning of their problems.
At evenings after work, Hassan always stopped by his mum’s place which was a stone throw to his and ate dinner. After he got home and his wife offers him dinner, ‘I’ve eaten at my mum’s was always his response. At first Sakeenah thought it would stop in no time but how wrong was she because it continued happening everyday.
Love they say is blind but marriage is surely an eye opener. Sakeenah took her predicament not with levity and several times she called him to order.
“Hassan this is not right and you know it.” Sakeenah would say.
“Come on stop being petty, eating at my mum’s place is what you call not right? Come off it please!” was Hassan’s reply.
“You see no big deal in eating at your mum’s place when you have a wife? Hassan this is not fair.”
“See what I got for you.” Hassan said trying to sweep the issue under the carpet. He walked towards his briefcase and brought out a pink shoe.
“See darling, isn’t it lovely.” Hassan said while putting the shoes on her feet. Sakeenah nodded her head in affirmation that the shoe is lovely and that was it.
He had succeeded in placating her and making her forget about the issue. That was Hassan, as his name implies, he is a good man but for this. People don’t know why he loves his mum so much to the extent of ditching his wife’s dinner for hers. A lot of advisers had advised Sakeenah to fight her mum in law tooth for nail for taking what is rightly hers. Her friends advised her to look beyond the food and reason with her head. They told her Hassan’s mum might be fetish. She might be using some charms to control her son because the matter seems out of ordinary but Sakeenah’s grandmother who raised her after the demise of her mum advised her otherwise.
“Sakeenah be patient, do not follow your friend’s advise. There’s no perfect marriage and this might be your own share of the imperfectness of marriage. Your husband is a good man, all you need do is pray and Allah will change your situation for the better.” Sakeenah grandmother would advise.
“Maami it seems you don’t understand, it’s not only about food. Hassan’s mother is his No 1 on his scale of preference. He ignores my feelings so long his mother is pleased. So many times my husband had told me he needed his mother’s advice or permission before taking any decision in our home, Maami can you beat that?” Sakeenah complaint with teary eyes.
“It is definitely odd but still you have to be patient and prayerful. Imbibe the three P’s of Patience Perseverence and prayers. Endurance is the key and I am sure your prayers shall be granted.” Her grandmother advised.
“Maami it’s not as easy as that, the other day he wanted to take I and the kids out, his mum called and told him he needed him to fix something in her house and that was it. Maami, what she needed wasn’t urgent, couldn’t he have told her he had an appointment and see her later? Maami I am getiing of the whole thing in fact I am tired.” She lamented again.
“Sakeenah my dear, complaining to me won’t solve anything. Take your matter to Allah in prayers and He will surely save you.” Mama advised again.
Trust mothers and grandmothers, instead of advising you to leave a marriage, they’ll rather tell you to pray, persevere and be patient. Until the matter seems irredeemable, that’s when a mother will advise a child to opt out of a marriage. Sakeenah yielded her grandma’s advice and prayed fervently to Allah to change her situation and one Saturday.……………….
Her mum in law came visiting and after Sakeenah honoured her with a sumptuous meal, they all relaxed watching the midday news when mum in laws phone rang. She picked and the phone was audible enough for Sakeenah to hear what the person from the other end was saying. It was Hassan’s immediate elder sister, she was crying on phone and telling her mother that she could not take it any longer.
“Calm down and tell me what the problem is.” Sakeenah’s mother in law replied her daughter who instead of answering continued sobbing.
“Azeezah stop crying please. Okay I am in Hassan’s house, I’ll tell him to come pick you here so that we can talk it over as a family.” Sakeenah’s mother in law told her daughter.
Immediately she dropped the call, she instructed Hassan to go pick his sister and he dashed out to do as instructed. After an hour, Hassan returned with his sister who hadn’t stopped crying. Mama placated her tirelessly and after a while she opened up.
She was having a problem with her husband and the bone of contention happens to be his mother. Whenever Azeezah had a misunderstanding with her husband, he packs his things to his mother’s where he spent days. He returns only when he feels so and that would be after series of pleading by his wife. This had been going on for a long time and Azeezah refused to inform her mum because she knows the kind of person she is. She would definitely bring the roof of her marriage down. She is a mother who doesn’t want any pains for her kids and she would do anything to protect them. After Azeezah finished narrating her predicament, her mum jumped up and flared up.
“What nonsense, what kind of a mother in law is that? What kind of a mother abhors his son for days after having a fight with his wife. He is not a man at all, he is still tied to his mother’s apron at this age and time. What nonsense! Please Azeezah take me to her place, let me teach her some lessons she’ll never forget in a jiffy.” Hassan’s mother said angrily but Hassan cautioned her.
“Mum please calm down, you have only listened to one side of the story. You have to hear her husband out before reacting.” Hassan advised.
“No way, I believe my daughter is saying nothing but the truth, how dare she cause my daughter pain and anguish.” Mama Smart retorted and Sakeenah who had been quiet all the while saw this as an opportunity to express her grievances to her mother in law.
“Mum please calm down. [Sakeenah cut in] I don’t really see the difference between a son who packs to his mother’s house after having a disagreement with his wife and the one who ditches his wife’s meal every evening for his mothers.” Sakeenah said rather calmly without aggression in her diction leaving both her husband and his mother in awe.
She spoke in parables but she has indeed passed a message, she left the leaving room after expressing her mind. Mother and son exchanged glances and mother returned calmly to where she was sitting before she got up angrily. Sakeenah’s message hit her to the bone marrow and she realized she had been a killer who wouldn’t tolerate the sight of a sword.
This was what Allah used as sabab to end Sakeenah’s nighmares. Her husband became what she wanted without shifting affection from his mum. There are numerous problems in marriage and how we tackle them makes our marriage with or without tears. Sometimes we don’t know we are hurting others until same is done to us. Marriage without tears entails majorly understanding, patience and tolerance. Tolerant of one another’s excesses and trying to give one another excuses upon excuses. Didn’t the prophet [pbuh] say we should give our brothers 70 excuses before faulting them? And isn’t marriage the greatest brotherhood?
Real love starts after marriage so they say, to love and to hate someone depends on attitude. A good person with a clean character is more likely to be loved while someone with deficient character is prone to despise. Goodness is reciprocal, if goodness is inhaled, goodness would be exhaled, its just as simple.
It takes someone with a heart of gold to inhale badness and exhale goodness. This is to say that when spouses are good to one another, then a marriage without tears can be achieved. Islam ties the hands of women with total obedience to their husband, jannah even lies at his feet, so with this a Muslim woman is according to the dictate of islam, an obedient wife except of course some exceptions among us. This is not to say that a man should misuse this opportunity and start lording over or maltreating his wife.
May Allāh grant us marriages without tears. Ameen
(Copied)
*{To be continued In-sha-Allāh (If Allāh Wills)...}*
*"And keep reminding, because reminding benefits the believers."* (Qur-ān 51:55)
*Let's Change Our Mindsets About Marriage*
*Episode 64*
*MARRIAGE WITHOUT TEARS*
[A short story sequel to ‘OUR LOVE TILL JANNAH’]
The union of convenience is that of understanding and tolerance while a marriage of inconvenience lacks the two aforementioned. There is no total compatibility in marriage, for a successful union, he is blind and she is deaf. Blind to her shortcomings but not without corrections. Deaf to hearsays, but not without confirming the truth, by and large it takes wisdom.
Marriage without tears is very possible so come with me let me share you stories of marriages without tears. Without tears here doesn’t mean a smooth marriage which of course does not exist, It simply means a problem/causal and solution/effect narration.
Story one [The Smarts]
Hassan Smart is raised by his mother. She is the kind of woman who knows where her husband is every night. A widow who chose to remain single after the demise of her husband, she had three children of which Hassan is the third and last. Her first child is a girl, followed by another girl and a boy who is Hassan. No matter how much she was advised to marry again, she always had this to say “what more do I want, I have a girl and two boys, tell me, is there another gender apart from this two?” This was always her reply so friends and family got tired of her and allowed her be.
Mama Smart protected her children like mother hen who is always watchful and mindful of the hawk. Her protection over them was overly to the extent that after her girls grew up and got married, she meddled in their affairs with their hubby. Hassan who was the only son was always referred to as a mummy’s boy by his friends. He never ate when his Momma is hungry, he sit when she asked her to sit and he does nothing without telling her. His life revolved around his mother and of course as expected when he got married, he had problems.
Sakeenah never knew she was marrying a Momma’s boy. Hassan is the cool type and his cool attitude was the point of contact. It endeared him to her and after a while of hum and haw, she accepted his proposal and they got married.
Their marital life is sweet except for the unexpected challenge. Sakeenah realized in no time what she was in for and that that was the beginning of their problems.
At evenings after work, Hassan always stopped by his mum’s place which was a stone throw to his and ate dinner. After he got home and his wife offers him dinner, ‘I’ve eaten at my mum’s was always his response. At first Sakeenah thought it would stop in no time but how wrong was she because it continued happening everyday.
Love they say is blind but marriage is surely an eye opener. Sakeenah took her predicament not with levity and several times she called him to order.
“Hassan this is not right and you know it.” Sakeenah would say.
“Come on stop being petty, eating at my mum’s place is what you call not right? Come off it please!” was Hassan’s reply.
“You see no big deal in eating at your mum’s place when you have a wife? Hassan this is not fair.”
“See what I got for you.” Hassan said trying to sweep the issue under the carpet. He walked towards his briefcase and brought out a pink shoe.
“See darling, isn’t it lovely.” Hassan said while putting the shoes on her feet. Sakeenah nodded her head in affirmation that the shoe is lovely and that was it.
He had succeeded in placating her and making her forget about the issue. That was Hassan, as his name implies, he is a good man but for this. People don’t know why he loves his mum so much to the extent of ditching his wife’s dinner for hers. A lot of advisers had advised Sakeenah to fight her mum in law tooth for nail for taking what is rightly hers. Her friends advised her to look beyond the food and reason with her head. They told her Hassan’s mum might be fetish. She might be using some charms to control her son because the matter seems out of ordinary but Sakeenah’s grandmother who raised her after the demise of her mum advised her otherwise.
“Sakeenah be patient, do not follow your friend’s advise. There’s no perfect marriage and this might be your own share of the imperfectness of marriage. Your husband is a good man, all you need do is pray and Allah will change your situation for the better.” Sakeenah grandmother would advise.
“Maami it seems you don’t understand, it’s not only about food. Hassan’s mother is his No 1 on his scale of preference. He ignores my feelings so long his mother is pleased. So many times my husband had told me he needed his mother’s advice or permission before taking any decision in our home, Maami can you beat that?” Sakeenah complaint with teary eyes.
“It is definitely odd but still you have to be patient and prayerful. Imbibe the three P’s of Patience Perseverence and prayers. Endurance is the key and I am sure your prayers shall be granted.” Her grandmother advised.
“Maami it’s not as easy as that, the other day he wanted to take I and the kids out, his mum called and told him he needed him to fix something in her house and that was it. Maami, what she needed wasn’t urgent, couldn’t he have told her he had an appointment and see her later? Maami I am getiing of the whole thing in fact I am tired.” She lamented again.
“Sakeenah my dear, complaining to me won’t solve anything. Take your matter to Allah in prayers and He will surely save you.” Mama advised again.
Trust mothers and grandmothers, instead of advising you to leave a marriage, they’ll rather tell you to pray, persevere and be patient. Until the matter seems irredeemable, that’s when a mother will advise a child to opt out of a marriage. Sakeenah yielded her grandma’s advice and prayed fervently to Allah to change her situation and one Saturday.……………….
Her mum in law came visiting and after Sakeenah honoured her with a sumptuous meal, they all relaxed watching the midday news when mum in laws phone rang. She picked and the phone was audible enough for Sakeenah to hear what the person from the other end was saying. It was Hassan’s immediate elder sister, she was crying on phone and telling her mother that she could not take it any longer.
“Calm down and tell me what the problem is.” Sakeenah’s mother in law replied her daughter who instead of answering continued sobbing.
“Azeezah stop crying please. Okay I am in Hassan’s house, I’ll tell him to come pick you here so that we can talk it over as a family.” Sakeenah’s mother in law told her daughter.
Immediately she dropped the call, she instructed Hassan to go pick his sister and he dashed out to do as instructed. After an hour, Hassan returned with his sister who hadn’t stopped crying. Mama placated her tirelessly and after a while she opened up.
She was having a problem with her husband and the bone of contention happens to be his mother. Whenever Azeezah had a misunderstanding with her husband, he packs his things to his mother’s where he spent days. He returns only when he feels so and that would be after series of pleading by his wife. This had been going on for a long time and Azeezah refused to inform her mum because she knows the kind of person she is. She would definitely bring the roof of her marriage down. She is a mother who doesn’t want any pains for her kids and she would do anything to protect them. After Azeezah finished narrating her predicament, her mum jumped up and flared up.
“What nonsense, what kind of a mother in law is that? What kind of a mother abhors his son for days after having a fight with his wife. He is not a man at all, he is still tied to his mother’s apron at this age and time. What nonsense! Please Azeezah take me to her place, let me teach her some lessons she’ll never forget in a jiffy.” Hassan’s mother said angrily but Hassan cautioned her.
“Mum please calm down, you have only listened to one side of the story. You have to hear her husband out before reacting.” Hassan advised.
“No way, I believe my daughter is saying nothing but the truth, how dare she cause my daughter pain and anguish.” Mama Smart retorted and Sakeenah who had been quiet all the while saw this as an opportunity to express her grievances to her mother in law.
“Mum please calm down. [Sakeenah cut in] I don’t really see the difference between a son who packs to his mother’s house after having a disagreement with his wife and the one who ditches his wife’s meal every evening for his mothers.” Sakeenah said rather calmly without aggression in her diction leaving both her husband and his mother in awe.
She spoke in parables but she has indeed passed a message, she left the leaving room after expressing her mind. Mother and son exchanged glances and mother returned calmly to where she was sitting before she got up angrily. Sakeenah’s message hit her to the bone marrow and she realized she had been a killer who wouldn’t tolerate the sight of a sword.
This was what Allah used as sabab to end Sakeenah’s nighmares. Her husband became what she wanted without shifting affection from his mum. There are numerous problems in marriage and how we tackle them makes our marriage with or without tears. Sometimes we don’t know we are hurting others until same is done to us. Marriage without tears entails majorly understanding, patience and tolerance. Tolerant of one another’s excesses and trying to give one another excuses upon excuses. Didn’t the prophet [pbuh] say we should give our brothers 70 excuses before faulting them? And isn’t marriage the greatest brotherhood?
Real love starts after marriage so they say, to love and to hate someone depends on attitude. A good person with a clean character is more likely to be loved while someone with deficient character is prone to despise. Goodness is reciprocal, if goodness is inhaled, goodness would be exhaled, its just as simple.
It takes someone with a heart of gold to inhale badness and exhale goodness. This is to say that when spouses are good to one another, then a marriage without tears can be achieved. Islam ties the hands of women with total obedience to their husband, jannah even lies at his feet, so with this a Muslim woman is according to the dictate of islam, an obedient wife except of course some exceptions among us. This is not to say that a man should misuse this opportunity and start lording over or maltreating his wife.
May Allāh grant us marriages without tears. Ameen
(Copied)
*{To be continued In-sha-Allāh (If Allāh Wills)...}*
*"And keep reminding, because reminding benefits the believers."* (Qur-ān 51:55)
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