Let's Change Our Mindsets About Marriage* *Episode 333* ﷽ *The Muslim Woman And Her Husband

 ﷽

*Let's Change Our Mindsets About Marriage*

*Episode 333*

﷽

*The Muslim Woman And Her Husband*

(Part 2)

*2. She is obedient to her husband and shows him respect*

The true Muslim woman is always obedient to her husband, provided that no sin is involved. 

She is respectful towards him and is always eager to please him and make him happy. If he is 

poor, she does not complain about his being unable to spend much. She does not complain 

about her housework, because she remembers that many of the virtuous women in Islamic 

history set an example of patience, goodness and a positive attitude in serving their husbands 

and taking care of their homes despite the poverty and hardships they faced. One of the 

foremost of these exemplary wives is Fatimah al-Zahra’, the daughter of Muhammad and the wife of ‘Ali ibn Abi Talib (RAA). She used to complain of the pain in her hands caused by grinding grain with the hand-mill. Her husband ‘Ali ibn Abi Talib said to her one day, “Your 

father has brought some female slaves, so go and ask him for one of them to come and serve 

you.” She went to her father, but she felt too shy to ask him for what she wanted. ‘Ali went 

and asked him to provide a servant for his beloved daughter, but the Prophet could not 

respond to those who most dear to him whilst ignoring the needs of the poor among the 

Muslims, so he came to his daughter and her husband and said: “Shall I not teach you 

something that is better than that for which you asked me? When you go to bed at night, say 

‘Subhaan Allah’ thirty-three (33) times, ‘

Al-hamdu lillaah’ thirty-three (33) times, and ‘

Allahu akbar’ thirty-four (34) times. 

This is better for you than a servant.” 

Then he bid them farewell and left, after giving them this divine help which would make them 

forget their tiredness and help them to overcome their exhaustion. 

‘Ali (RAA) began to repeat the words that the Prophet had taught him. He said, “I never 

stopped doing that after he had taught me these words.” One of his companions asked him, 

“Not even on the night of Siffin?” He said, “Not even on the night of Siffin.”

 

Asma’ bint Abi Bakr al-Siddiq served her husband al-Zubayr, and took care of the house. Her 

husband had a horse, which she took care of, feeding it and exercising it. She also repaired 

the water-bucket, made bread, and carried dates on her head from far away. Al-Bukhaari and 

Muslim report this in her own words: 

“Al-Zubayr married me, and he had no wealth, no slaves, nothing except his horse. I used to 

feed his horse, looking after it and exercising it. I crushed date-stones to feed his camel. I 

used to bring water and repair the bucket, and I used to make bread but I could not bake it, so 

some of my Ansari neighbors, who were kind women, used to bake it for me. I used to carry 

the dates from the garden that the Prophet had given to al-Zubayr on my head, and this 

garden was two-thirds of a farsakh away. One day I was coming back with the dates on my 

head. I met the Messenger of Allah, who had a group of his Companions with him. He called 

me, then told his camel to sit down so that I could ride behind him. I told (al-Zubayr), ‘I felt 

shy, because I know that you are a jealous man.’ He said, ‘It is worse for me to see you 

carrying the dates on your head than to see you riding behind him.’ Later, Abu Bakr sent me a 

servant, who relieved me of having to take care of the horse; it was as if I had been released 

from slavery.”

 

The true Muslim woman devotes herself to taking care of her house and husband. She knows 

her husband’s rights over her, and how great they are, as was confirmed by the Prophet’s 

words: 

“No human being is permitted to prostrate to another, but if this were permitted I would 

have ordered wives to prostrate to their husbands, because of the greatness of the rights 

they have over them.”

And: 

“If I were to order anyone to prostrate to anyone else, I would have ordered women to 

prostrate to their husbands.”

‘A’ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) asked the Messenger of Allah : “Who has the 

greatest rights over a woman?” He said, “Her husband.” She asked, ‘And who has the 

greatest rights over a man?” He said, “His mother.”

A woman came to ask the Prophet about some matter, and when he had dealt with it, 

he asked her, “Do you have a husband?” She said, “Yes.” He asked her, “How are you 

with him?” She said, “I never fall short in my duties, except for that which is beyond me.” 

He said, “Pay attention to how you treat him, for he is your Paradise and your Hell.”

 

How can the Muslim woman complain about taking care of her house and husband when she hears these words of Prophetic guidance? She should fulfill her household duties and take care of her husband in a spirit of joy, because she is not carrying a tiresome burden, she is doing work in her home that she knows will bring reward from Allah (subhaanahu wa 

‘ta’aalaa).

The Sahaabah, may Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) be pleased with them, and those who 

followed them understood this Islamic teaching and transmitted it from the Prophet . When 

a bride was prepared for marriage, she would be told to serve her husband and take care of 

his rights. Thus the Muslim woman knew her duties towards her husband, and down through 

the ages caring for her husband and being a good wife were established womanly attributes. 

One example of this is what was said by the faqih al-Hanbali ibn al-Jawzi in his book Ahkam al-Nisa’ (p. 331): In the second century AH there was a righteous man called Shu‘ayb ibn 

Harb, who used to fast and spend his nights in prayer. He wanted to marry a woman, and told 

her humbly, “I am a bad-tempered man.” She replied, tactfully and cleverly, “The one who 

makes you lose your temper is worse than you.” He realized that there stood before him a 

woman who was intelligent, wise and mature. He immediately said to her, “You will be my 

wife.”

 

This woman had a clear understanding of how to be a good wife, which confirmed to the man 

who had come to seek her hand that she was a woman who would understand the 

psychology and nature of her husband and would know what would please him and what 

would make him angry; she would be able to win his heart and earn his admiration and 

respect, and would close the door to every possible source of conflict that could disrupt their 

married life. The woman who does not understand these realities does not deserve to be a 

successful wife; through her ignorance and shortcomings she may provoke her husband to 

lose his temper, in which case, she would be worse than him, for being the direct cause of his 

anger. 

The tactful Muslim woman is never like this. She helps her husband to be of good character, 

by displaying different types of intelligence, cleverness and alertness in the way she deals 

with him. This opens his heart to her and makes him fond of her, because being a good wife 

is a not only a quality that she may boast about among her friends, but it is also a religious 

obligation for which Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) will call her to account: if she has done 

well, she will be rewarded, but if she has fallen short she will have to pay the penalty. 

 

One of the most important ways in which the Muslim woman obeys her husband is by 

respecting his wishes with regard to the permissible pleasures of daily life, such as social 

visits, food, dress, speech, etc. The more she responds to his wishes in such matters, the 

happier and more enjoyable the couple’s life becomes, and the closer it is to the spirit and 

teachings of Islam. 

 

The Muslim woman does not forget that her obedience to her husband is one of the things 

that may lead her to Paradise, as the Prophet said: 

“If a woman prays her five daily prayers, fasts her month (of Ramadan), obeys her 

husband and guards her chastity, then it will be said to her: ‘Enter Paradise by whichever 

of its gates you wish.’”14

Umm Salamah (May Allah be pleased with her) said: 

“The Messenger of Allah said: ‘Any woman who dies, and her husband is pleased with 

her, will enter Paradise.’”15 

The Prophet draw a clear and delightful picture of the well-behaved, easy-going, loving, 

righteous Muslim wife, one who will be happy in this world and the next: 

“Shall I not tell you about your wives in Paradise?” We said, “Of course, O Messenger of 

Allah.” He said, “They are fertile and loving. If she becomes angry or is mistreated, or her 

husband becomes angry, she says, ‘My hand is in your hand; I shall never sleep until you are 

pleased with me.’”

 

The true Muslim woman knows that Islam, which has multiplied her reward for obeying her 

husband and made it a means of her admittance to Paradise, has also warned every woman 

who deviates from the path of marital obedience and neglects to take care of her husband, 

that she will be guilty of sin, and will incur the wrath and curses of the angels. 

Al-Bukhaari and Muslim report from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet said: 

“If a man calls his wife to his bed and she does not come, and he goes to sleep angry with 

her, the angels will curse her until the morning.”17 

Muslim reports from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet said Imam: 

“By the One in Whose hand is my soul, there is no man who calls his wife to his bed, and she 

refuses him, but the One Who is in heaven will be angry with her, until the husband is pleased 

with her once more.”18 

The angels’ curse will befall every woman who is rebellious and disobedient; this does not 

exclude those who are too slow and reluctant to respond to their husbands: 

“Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) will curse those procrastinating women who, when their 

husbands call them to their beds, say ‘I will, I will . . .’ until he falls asleep.” 19 

Marriage in Islam is intended to protect the chastity of men and women alike, therefore it is 

the woman’s duty to respond to her husband’s requests for conjugal relations. She should not 

give silly excuses and try to avoid it. For this reason, several hadeeth urge a wife to respond 

to her husband’s needs as much as she is able, no matter how busy she may be or whatever 

obstacles there may be, so long as there is no urgent or unavoidable reason not to do so. 

In one of these hadeeth, the Prophet said: 

“If a man calls his wife to his bed, let her respond, even if she is riding her camel [i.e., very 

busy].”

And:

 

“If a man calls his wife, then let her come, even if she is busy at the oven.”

The issue of protecting a man’s chastity and keeping him away from temptation is more 

important than anything else that a woman can do, because Islam wants men and women 

alike to live in an environment which is entirely pure and free from any motive of fitnah or 

haraam pleasures. The flames of sexual desire and thoughts of pursuing them through 

haraam means can only be extinguished by means of discharging that natural energy in 

natural and lawful ways. This is what the Prophet meant in the hadeeth narrated by 

Muslim from Jabir: 

“If anyone of you is attracted to a woman, let him go to his wife and have intercourse with her, 

for that will calm him down.”

The warning given to the woman whose husband is angry with her reaches such an extent 

that it would shake the conscience of every righteous wife who has faith in Allah (subhaanahu 

wa ‘ta’aalaa) and the Last Day: she is told that her prayer and good deeds will not be 

accepted, until her husband is pleased with her again. This is stated in the hadeeth narrated 

by Jabir from ‘Abdullah: 

“The Messenger of Allah said: ‘There are three people whose prayers will not be 

accepted, neither their good works: a disobedient slave until he returns to his masters and 

puts his hand in theirs; a woman whose husband is angry with her, until he is pleased with her 

again; and the drunkard, until he becomes sober.’”

 

When these hadeeth refer to the husband being angry with his wife, they refer to cases in 

which the husband is right and the wife is wrong. When the opposite is the case, and the 

husband is wrong, then his anger has no negative implications for her; in fact, Allah 

(subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) will reward the wife for her patience. But the wife is still required to 

obey her husband, so long as no sin is involved, because there should be no obedience to a 

created being if it entails disobedience to the Creator. Concerning this, the Prophet said: 

“It is not permitted for a woman who believes in Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) to allow 

anyone into her husband’s house whom he dislikes; or to go out when he does not want her 

to; or to obey anyone else against him; or to forsake his bed; or to hit him. If he is wrong, then 

let her come to him until he is pleased with her, and if he accepts her then all is well, Allah 

(subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) will accept her deeds and make her position stronger, and there 

will be no sin on her. If he does not accept her, then at least she will have done her best and 

excused herself in the sight of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa).”

Another aspect of wifely obedience is that she should not fast at times other than Ramadan 

except with his permission, that she should not allow anyone to enter his house without his 

permission, and that she should not spend any of his earnings without his permission. If she 

spends anything without him having told her to do so, then half of the reward for that spending 

will be given to him. The true Muslim woman takes heed of this teaching which was stated by 

the Prophet in the hadeeth: 

“It is not permitted for a woman to fast when her husband is present, except with his 

permission; or to allow anyone into his house except with his permission; or to spend any of 

his earnings unless he has told her to do so, otherwise half of the reward will be given to 

him.” 

 

According to a report given by Muslim, he said: 

“A woman should not fast if her husband is present, except with his permission. She should 

not allow anyone to enter his house when he is present without his permission. Whatever she 

spends of his wealth without him having told her to do so, half of the reward for it will be given 

to him.”26 

The point here is the permission of the husband. If a wife gives some of his money in 

voluntary charity without his permission, then she will not receive any reward; on the contrary, 

it will be recorded as a sin on her part. If she wants to spend in his absence, and she knows 

that if he knew about it he would give his permission, then she is allowed to do so, otherwise 

it is not permitted. 

Mutual understanding and harmony between husband and wife cannot be achieved unless 

there is understanding between them on such matters, so that neither of them will fall into 

such errors and troubles as may damage the marriage which Islam has built on a basis of 

love and mercy, and sought to maintain its purity, care and harmony. 

If the husband is a miser, and spends too little on her and her children, then she is allowed to 

spend as much as she needs from his wealth on herself and her children, in moderation, 

without his knowledge. The Prophet stated this to Hind bint ‘Utbah, the wife of Abu 

Sufyan, when she came to him and said, “O Messenger of Allah, Abu Sufyan is a stingy man. 

What he gives me is not enough for me and my child, unless I take from him without his 

knowledge.” He told her, “Take what is enough for you and your child, in moderation.”27 Thus 

Islam has made women responsible for good conduct in their running of the household affairs. 

The Muslim woman understands the responsibility that Islam has given her, to take care of 

her husband’s house and children by making her a “shepherd” over her husband’s house and 

children. She has been specifically reminded of this responsibility in recognition of her role, in 

the hadeeth in which the Prophet made every individual in the Islamic society responsible 

for those under his or her authority in such a way that no-one, man or woman, may evade 

responsibility: 

“Each of you is a shepherd, and each is responsible for those under his care. A ruler is a 

shepherd; a man is the shepherd of his family; a woman is the shepherd of her husband’s 

house and children. For each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for those 

under his care.”

The true Muslim woman is always described as being loving towards her children and caring 

towards her husband. These are two of the most beautiful characteristics that a woman of any 

time or place may possess. The Prophet praised these two characteristics, which were 

embodied by the women of Quraysh, who represented the best women among the Arabs in 

terms of loving their children, caring for their husbands, respecting their rights and looking 

after their wealth with care, honesty and wisdom: 

“The best women who ride camels are the women of Quraysh. They are the most 

compassionate towards their children when they are small, and the most careful with regard 

to their husbands’ wealth.”

This is a valuable testimony on the part of the Prophet , attesting to the psychological and 

moral qualities of the women of Quraysh which enhanced their beauty and virtue. This 

testimony represents a call to every Muslim woman to emulate the women of Quraysh in 

loving her children and taking care of her husband. These two important characteristics 

contribute to the success of a marriage, make individuals and families happy, and help a 

society to advance. 

It is a great honor for a woman to take care of her husband every morning and evening, and 

wherever he goes, treating him with gentleness and good manners which will fill his life with 

joy, tranquility and stability. Muslim women have the best example in ‘A’ishah (May Allah be 

pleased with her), who used to accompany the Prophet on Hajj, surrounding him with her 

care, putting perfume on him with her own hands before he entered ihram, and after he 

finished his ihram, before he performed tawaf al-ifadah.

30 She chose for him the best perfume 

that she could find. This is stated in a number of shih hadeeth reported by Al-Bukhaari and 

Muslim, for example: 

“I applied perfume to the Messenger of Allah with my own hands before he entered the 

state of ihram and when he concluded it before circumambulating the House.”31 

“I applied perfume to the Messenger of Allah with these two hands of mine when he 

entered ihram and when he concluded it, before he performed tawaf,” - and she spread 

her hands.32 

‘Urwah said: 

“I asked ‘A’ishah, ‘With what did you perfume the Messenger of Allah at the time when 

he entered ihram?’ She said, ‘With the best of perfume.’” 

 

According to another report also given by Muslim, ‘A’ishah said: 

“I applied the best perfume I could find to the Messenger of Allah before he entered 

ihram and when he concluded it, before he performed tawaf al-ifadah.”34 

When the Prophet was in seclusion (i‘tikaf), he would lean his head towards ‘A’ishah, 

and she would comb and wash his hair. Al-Bukhaari and Muslim both report this in sahih 

hadeeth narrated from ‘A’ishah (May Allah be pleased with her), such as: 

“When the Messenger of Allah was in i‘tikaf, he inclined his head towards me and I 

combed his hair, and he did not enter the house except to answer the call of nature.”35 

“I used to wash the Prophet’s head when I was menstruating.” 

 

‘Aishah urged women to take good care of their husbands and to recognize the rights that 

their husbands had over them. She saw these rights as being so great and so important that a 

woman was barely qualified to wipe the dust from her husband’s feet with her face, as she 

stated: “O womenfolk, if you knew the rights that your husbands have over you, every one of 

you would wipe the dust from her husband’s feet with her face.”

 

This is a vivid expression of the importance of the husband’s rights over his wife. ‘A’ishah 

wanted to bring this to women’s attention, so as to remove from the hearts of arrogant and 

stubborn women all those harsh, obstinate feelings that all too often destroy a marriage and 

turn it into a living hell. 

Honoring and respecting one’s husband is one of the characteristic attitudes of this ummah. It 

is one of the good manners known at the time of jahiliyyah that were endorsed by Islam and 

perpetuated by the Arabs after they embraced Islam. Our Arab heritage is filled with texts that 

eloquently describe the advice given by mothers to their daughters, to care for, honor and 

respect their husbands; these texts may be regarded as invaluable social documents. 

One of the most famous and most beautiful of these texts was recorded by ‘Abd al-Malik ibn 

‘Umayr al-Qurashi, who was one of the outstanding scholars of the second century AH. He 

quotes the words of advice given by Umamah bint al-Harith, one of the most eloquent and 

learned women, who was possessed of wisdom and great maturity, to her daughter on the 

eve of her marriage. These beautiful words deserve to be inscribed in golden ink. 

‘Abd al-Malik said: “When ‘Awf ibn Muhallim al-Shaybani, one of the most highly respected 

leaders of the Arab nobility during the jahiliyyah, married his daughter Umm Iyas to al-Harith 

ibn ‘Amr al-Kindi, she was made ready to be taken to the groom, then her mother Umamah 

came in to her, to advise her, and said: 

‘O my daughter, if it were deemed unnecessary to give you this advice 

because of good manners and noble descent, then it would have been 

unnecessary for you, because you possess these qualities, but it will serve as 

a reminder to those who are forgetful, and will help those who are wise. 

‘O my daughter, if a woman were able to do without a husband by virtue of her 

father’s wealth and her need for her father, then you of all people would be 

most able to do without a husband, but women were created for men just as 

men were created for them. 

‘O my daughter, you are about to leave the home in which you grew up, where 

you first learned to walk, to go to a place you do not know, to a companion with 

whom you are unfamiliar. By marrying you he has become a master over you, 

so be like a servant to him, and he will become like a servant to you. 

‘Take from me ten qualities, which will be a provision and a reminder for you. 

‘The first and second of them are: be content in his company, and listen to and 

obey him, for contentment brings peace of mind, and listening to and obeying 

one’s husband pleases Allah. 

‘The third and fourth of them are: make sure that you smell good and look 

good; he should not see anything ugly in you, and he should not smell anything 

but a pleasant smell from you. Kohl is the best kind of beautification to be 

found, and water is better than the rarest perfume. 

 

‘The fifth and the sixth of them are: prepare his food on time, and keep quiet 

when he is asleep, for raging hunger is like a burning flame, and disturbing his 

sleep will make him angry. 

‘The seventh and eighth of them are: take care of his servants (or employees) 

and children, and take care of his wealth, for taking care of his wealth shows 

that you appreciate him, and taking care of his children and servants shows 

good management. 

‘The ninth and tenth of them are: never disclose any of his secrets, and never 

disobey any of his orders, for if you disclose any of his secrets you will never 

feel safe from his possible betrayal, and if you disobey him, his heart will be 

filled with hatred towards you. 

‘Be careful, O my daughter, of showing joy in front of him when he is upset, 

and do not show sorrow in front of him when he is happy, because the former 

shows a lack of judgment, whilst the latter will make him unhappy. 

‘Show him as much honor and respect as you can, and agree with him as 

much as you can, so that he will enjoy your companionship and conversation. 

‘Know, O my daughter, that you will not achieve what you would like to until 

you put his pleasure before your own, and his wishes before yours, in whatever 

you like and dislike. And may Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) choose what is 

best for you and protect you.’”

She was taken to her husband, and the marriage was a great success; she gave birth to kings 

who ruled after him. 

This advice clearly included everything that one could think of as regards the good manners 

that a young girl needs to know about in order to treat her husband properly and be a suitable 

companion for him. The words of this wise mother deserve to be taken as the standard for 

every young girl who is about to get married. 

If she is rich, the true Muslim woman does not let her wealth and financial independence 

make her blind to the importance of respecting her husband’s rights over her. She still takes 

care of him and honors him, no matter how rich she is or may become. She knows that she is 

obliged to show gratitude to Allah for the blessings He has bestowed upon her, so she 

increases her charitable giving for the sake of Allah. The first person to whom she should give 

generously is her own husband, if he is poor; in this case she will receive two rewards, one for 

taking care of a family member, and another for giving charity, as the Prophet stated in the 

hadeeth narrated by Zaynab al-Thaqafiyyah, the wife of ‘Abdullah ibn Mas‘ud (RAA): 

“The Prophet told us: ‘O women, give in charity even if it is some of your jeweler.’ She 

said, ‘I went back to ‘Abdullah ibn Mas‘ud and told him. ‘You are a man of little wealth, and 

the Prophet has commanded us to give charity, so go and ask him whether it is 

permissible for me to give you charity. If it is, I will do so; if it is not, I will give charity to 

someone else.’ ‘Abdullah said, ‘No, you go and ask.’ So I went, and I found a woman of the 

Ansaar at the Prophet’s door, who also had the question. We felt too shy to go in, out of 

respect, so Bilal came out and we asked him, ‘Go and tell the Messenger of Allah that there 

are two women at the door asking you: Is it permissible for them to give sadaqah to their 

husbands and the orphans in their care? But do not tell him who we are.’ So Bilal went in and 

conveyed this message to the Prophet , who asked, ‘Who are they?’ Bilal said, ‘One of the 

women of the Ansaar, and Zaynab/’ The Prophet asked, ‘Which Zaynab is it?’ Bilal said, 

‘The wife of ‘Abdullah.’ The Prophet said: ‘They will have two rewards, the reward for 

upholding the relationship, and the reward for giving charity.’”39 According to a report given by 

Al-Bukhaari, he said, “Your husband and your child are more deserving of your charity.”40 

 

The true Muslim woman is always careful to give thanks for Allah’s blessings if her life is 

easy, and she never loses her patience if she encounters difficulty. She never forgets the 

warning that the Prophet issued to women in general, when he saw that most of the 

inhabitants of Hell will be women, and so she seeks refuge with Allah from becoming one of 

them. 

Al-Bukhaari and Muslim narrated from Ibn ‘Abbas (RAA) that the Prophet said: “O 

women, give charity, for I have surely seen that you form the majority of the inhabitants of 

Hell.” They asked, ‘Why is this so, O Messenger of Allah?” He said, “Because you curse 

too much, and are ungrateful for good treatment (on the part of your husbands).”41 

According to another report given by Al-Bukhaari, he said, “because they are ungrateful for 

good and kind treatment. Even if you treated one of them (these ungrateful women) well 

for an entire lifetime, then she saw one fault in you, she would say, ‘I have never seen 

anything good from you!’”

According to a report given by Ahmad, a man said, “O Messenger of Allah, are they not 

our mothers and sisters and wives?” He said, “Of course, but when they are treated 

generously they are ungrateful, and when they are tested, they do not have patience.”43 

When the true Muslim woman thinks about these sahih hadeeth which describe the fate of 

most women in the Hereafter, she is always on the alert lest she fall into the sins of 

ingratitude towards her husband, or frequent cursing, or denying her husband’s good 

treatment of her, or forgetting to give thanks for times of ease, or failing to be patient at 

times of difficulty. In any case, she hastens to give charity as the Prophet urged all 

women to do, in the hope that it may save them from that awful fate which will befall most 

of those women who deviate from truth and let trivial matters distract them from remembering Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) and the Last Day, and whose bad qualities 

will ultimately lead them into the Fire of Hell. The Muslim woman, on the other hand, sets 

the highest example of respect towards one’s husband and taking note of his good 

qualities. This is the attitude of loyalty that befits the true Muslim woman who respects her 

husband’s rights and does not ignore his virtues. 

Muslim women’s history is full of stories that reflect this loyalty and recognition of the good 

qualities of the husband. One of these stories is that of Asma’ bint ‘Umays, who was one of 

the greatest women in Islam, and one of the first women to migrate to Madinah. She was 

married to Ja‘far ibn Abi Talib, then to Abu Bakr al-Siddiq, then to ‘Ali, may Allah be pleased 

with them all. On one occasion, her two sons Muhammad ibn Ja‘far and Muhammad ibn Abi 

Bakr were competing with one another, each of them saying. “I am better than you, and my 

father is better than your father.” ‘Ali said to her, “Judge between them, O Asma’.” She said, “I 

have never seen a young man among the Arabs who was better than Ja‘far, and I have never 

seen a mature man who was better than Abu Bakr.” ‘Ali said, “You have not left anything for 

me. If you had said anything other than what you have said, I would have hated you!” Asma’ 

said: “These are the best three, and you are one of them even if you are the least of them.”

What a clever and eloquent answer this wise woman gave! She gave each of her three 

husbands the respect he deserved, and pleased ‘Ali, even though he was the least of them, 

because she included all of them in that group of the best.