Let's Change Our Mindsets About Marriage Episode 337 ﷽ The Muslim Woman And Her Husband

 ﷽

*Let's Change Our Mindsets About Marriage*

*Episode 337*

﷽

*The Muslim Woman And Her Husband*

(Part 6)

*6. She stands by him and offers her advice*

One of the laws that Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) has decreed for this life is that men and women should work together to cultivate and populate the earth and run the affairs of life therein. Man cannot do without woman, and vice versa. Hence the laws of Islam teach men and women to co-operate in all matters. Islam encourages a man to help his wife, as much as he is able; the Prophet , who is the example for all Muslims, used to help and serve his family until he went out to pray, as the Mother of the Believers ‘A’ishah said.51 

Just as Islam expects a man to help his wife with housework and running household affairs, so the woman is also expected to help him in dealing with the outside world and to play her 

role in life by offering her opinions and advice, and supporting him in practical terms. 

History tells us that Muslim women engaged in jihad side by side with men, marching to war 

with them, bringing water to the thirsty, tending the wounded, setting broken bones, stemming 

the flow of blood, encouraging the soldiers, and sometimes joining in the actual fighting, 

running back and forth between the swords and spears, standing firm when some of the 

brave men had fled. Their courageous conduct in battle was praised by the Prophet , as we have described previously (see pp. 69-91). 

However, women’s contribution to public life did not stop on the battlefield; women also stood 

side-by-side with men at times of peace, offering their valuable opinions, soothing their hearts at times of stress and supporting them during times of hardship. 

History has recorded many names of great Muslim men who used to seek and follow the 

advice of their wives, foremost among whom is the Prophet himself , who sometimes 

followed the advice of Khadijah, Umm Salamah, ‘A’ishah and others among his wives. ‘Abdullah ibn al-Zubayr used to follow the advice of his mother Asma’, al-Walid ibn ‘Abd al-

Malik used to follow the advice of his wife Umm al-Banin bint ‘Abd al-‘Aziz ibn Marwan, and Harun al-Rashid used to follow the advice of his wife Zubaydah, and there are many other such examples in the history of Islam. 

The true, sincere Muslim woman understands the heavy burden that Islam has placed on her 

shoulders, by obliging her to be a good wife to her husband, to surround him with care and 

meet his every need, to give him enjoyment, and to renew his energy so that he may fulfill his mission in life. So she does not withhold her advice when she sees that he needs it, and she never hesitates to stand by his side, encouraging him, supporting him and offering advice and consolation. 

The first Muslim woman, Khadijah bint Khuwaylid is the best example of a woman who influenced her husband. The Prophet came to her on the day of the first Revelation, 

anxious, trembling and shaking all over. He told her, “Cover me, cover me!” She hastened to 

offer her help and support, advising him and thinking of a practical way of helping him. Al-

Bukhaari and Muslim report the story told by ‘A’ishah of how the Revelation commenced, and the marvelous way in which Khadijah responded by supporting her husband: 

“The Revelation started in the form of a dream that came true, he never saw a dream but it 

would clearly come to pass. Then he was made to like seclusion, so he would go and stay alone in the cave of Hira’, praying and worshipping for many nights at a time, before coming back to his family to collect supplies for another period of seclusion. Then the truth came suddenly, when he was in the cave of Hira’. The angel came to him and said ‘Read!’ He said, ‘I am not a reader.’ [The Prophet said:] ‘The angel embraced me and squeezed me until I nearly passed out, then released me, and said, ‘Read!’ I said, ‘I am not a reader.’ The angels embraced me a second time, squeezed me until I nearly passed out, then released me and said, ‘Read!’ I said, ‘I am not a reader.’ The angel embraced me a third time and squeezed me until I nearly passed out, then released me and said: 

(Read! In the name of your Lord and Cherisher, who created - created man, out of a [mere] clot of congealed blood: Read! And your Lord is Most Bountiful - He Who taught [the use of] the Pen - taught man that which he knew not.) (Qur’aan 96:1-5)’” 

The Messenger of Allah came back to Khadijah, trembling all over, and said, “Cover me, cover me!”. They covered him up until he calmed down, then he said to Khadijah, “O 

Khadijah, what is wrong with me?” He told her what had happened, then said, “I fear for 

myself.” Khadijah said: “No, rather be of good cheer, for by Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa), 

Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) would never forsake you. By Allah (subhaanahu wa 

‘ta’aalaa), you uphold the ties of kinship, speak the truth, spend money on the needy, give 

money to the penniless, honor your guests and help those beset by difficulties. She took him 

to Waraqah ibn Nawfal ibn Asad ibn ‘Abd al-‘Uzza, who was her cousin, the son of her 

father’s brother. He was a man who had become a Christian during the time of jahiliyyah; he could write the Arabic script and he had written as much of the Gospel in Arabic as Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) willed. He was an old man who had become blind. Khadijah said to him, “O Uncle, listen to your nephew.” Waraqah ibn Nawfal said, “O son of my brother, what has happened?” The Messenger of Allah told him what had happened, and Waraqah said to him, “This is al-Namus (i.e., Jibril), who was sent down to Musa, upon whom be peace. I wish that I were a young man, and could be alive when your people cast you out.” 

The Messenger of Allah asked, “Will they really cast me out?” Waraqah said, “Yes. No 

man has ever come with what you have brought, but his people were hostile towards him. If I live to see that day I will give you all the support I can.”

 

This report is strong evidence of Khadijah’s wifely perfection, wisdom, strength of character, steadfastness, understanding and deep insight. She knew the Prophet’s outstanding character, good conduct and purity of heart, and this made her certain that Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) would never forsake a man such as Muhammad or permit any bad fate to befall him. She knew that behind this remarkable new event that had overwhelmed the Messenger of Allah lay something great that Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) had 

prepared for His Messenger, so she spoke her kind and sweet words of encouragement, 

filling him with confidence, tranquility and firm conviction: “Be of good cheer, O cousin, and 

stand firm. By the One in Whose hand is the soul of Khadijah, I hope that you will be the 

Prophet of this nation.”53 Then she took him to her cousin Waraqah ibn Nawfal, who had 

knowledge of the Torah and Gospel, and told him what had happened to the Prophet. 

The first Mother of the Believers, Khadijah (May Allah be pleased with her), was a sincere adviser in the way of Islam to the Prophet . She had already earned the great status and lasting fame of being the first person to believe in Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) and His 

Messenger, and she stood beside her husband the Prophet , supporting him and helping 

him to bear the worst oppression and persecution that he faced at the beginning of his mission; she endured along with him every hardship and difficulty that he was confronted 

with. 

Ibn Hisham says in his Sirah: “Khadijah had faith, and believed in what he brought from Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa). In this way, Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) helped His Prophet. Whenever he heard any hateful words of rejection or disbelief that upset him, Allah 

(subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) would cause his spirits to be lifted when he came back to her. She encouraged him to be patient, believed in him, and made it easier for him to bear whatever the people said or did. May Allah have mercy on her.”

She was a woman who always spoke the truth, and carried this burden sincerely. It is no 

surprise that she earned the pleasure of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa) and deserved to be 

honored by Him, so He conveyed the greeting of salam to her through His Messengers Jibril 

and Muhammad , and gave her glad tidings of a house in Paradise, as is stated in the 

hadeeth narrated by Abu Hurayrah: “Jibril came to the Prophet and said: ‘O Messenger of Allah, Khadijah is coming to you with vessels containing food and drink. When she comes to you, convey to her the greeting of 

salam from her Lord and from me, and give her the glad tidings of a house of pearls in Paradise, in which there is no noise or hard work.”

The true Muslim woman puts her mind to good work, thinks hard and gives advice to her 

husband at times when he may be most in need of advice. By doing so, she does a great 

favor for her husband, and this is one of the ways in which she may treat him well. 

Another of these great stories which feature correct advice given by a woman is the reaction of the Muslims to the treaty of al-Hudaybiyah, and Umm Salamah’s reaction, which demonstrated her deep insight and great wisdom. 

Umm Salamah (May Allah be pleased with her) was one of those who were with the Prophet 

when he went to Makkah to perform ‘Umrah in 6 AH. This is the journey that was interrupted by Quraysh, who prevented the Prophet and his Companions from reaching the Ka‘bah. The treaty of al-Hudaybiyah was drawn up between the Prophet and Quraysh. This was a peace-treaty which was intended to put an end to the fighting for ten years; it was also agreed that if anyone from Quraysh came to Muhammad without the permission of his guardian, he would be returned, but if any of the Muslims came to Quraysh, he would not be returned, and that the Muslims would go back that year without entering Makkah, etc. 

By virtue of his deep understanding that was derived from the guidance of Allah (subhaanahu wa ‘ta’aalaa), the Prophet understood that this treaty, which appeared to be quite unfair to the Muslims, was in fact something good and represented a great victory for Islam and the Muslims. 

The Sahaabah, however, were dismayed when they learned the content of the treaty. They 

saw it as unfair and unjust, especially as they had the upper hand at that time. ‘Umar ibn al-

Khattab expressed the angry feelings of the Sahaabah when he went to Abu Bakr and asked him: “Is he not the Messenger of Allah?” Abu Bakr said, “Of course.” “Are we not Muslims?” 

“Yes.” “Are they not mushrikin?” “Yes.” “Why should we accept this deal which is so 

humiliating to our religion?” Abu Bakr warned him, “O ‘Umar, follow his orders. I bear witness 

that he is the Messenger of Allah.” Umar said, “And I bear witness that he is the Messenger of 

Allah.” Then ‘Umar went to the Messenger of Allah , and asked him questions similar to 

those he had asked Abu Bakr. But when he asked, “Why should we accept this deal which is 

so humiliating to our religion?” the Prophet replied, “I am the servant of Allah (subhaanahu 

wa ‘ta’aalaa) and His Messenger; I will never disobey His command, and He will never 

forsake me.”

Then ‘Umar realized that his haste to oppose the treaty was a mistake. He used to say, “I kept giving charity, fasting, praying and freeing slaves because of what I had done and said on that day, until I hoped that ultimately it would be good for me (because it made me perform so many good deeds).”

When the Prophet had ratified the treaty, he commanded his Companions to get up, 

slaughter their sacrificial animals, and shave their heads, but none of them got up58. He told 

them three times to do this, but not one of them responded. He went to his wife Umm 

Salamah, and told her what he was facing from the people. At this point the wisdom and 

intelligence of Umm Salamah become quite clear: she told him, “O Messenger of Allah, go out 

and do not speak to any of them until you have sacrificed your animal and shaved your head.” 

The Prophet took her advice, and did as she suggested. When the Sahaabah saw that, 

they rushed to sacrifice their animals, pushing one another aside, and some of them began to shave one another’s heads, until they were almost fighting with one another because of their distress and grief, and their regret for having disobeyed the Prophet.

After that, the Muslims came back to their senses, and they understood the Prophet’s great wisdom in agreeing to this treaty, which in fact was a manifest victory, because many more people entered Islam after it than had before. In Sahih Muslim it states that the ayah, (Verily We have granted you a manifest Victory) (Qur’aan 48:1) referred to the treaty of al-

Hudaybiyah. The Prophet sent for ‘Umar and recited this ayah to him. ‘Umar said, “O Messenger of Allah, it is really a victory?” He said, “Yes,” so then ‘Umar felt at peace.