Bedtime Stories: inspired by real events Episode 16: I zeroed my expectation.

 *Bedtime Stories: inspired by real events* 

*Episode 16: I zeroed my expectation.*

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★- I am Nadia... 28 years old. Alhamdulillah I must say, I got the best parents, as they trained me so well. I grew up and became a Hafizah, I memorized the Quran and many Books. I also memorized over 2000 hadiths. So my dream has been to marry a man like me, someone that can lead my path to Jannah. So I prayed for that every day. 

★- Nadir was a lecturer in the school I attended, a very religious man he is, very nice. Most of the girls liked him. I also liked him. I always prayed to have someone like him. One day a man knocked at my carell door, I looked up to see who it was, Hmmm! it was Ustaz Nadir. He smiled and said, give me your father's phone number. I sighed and said, "For what reason?" He replied, "You will know soon".

★- Two days later, my Dad called me to his parlor and said, "Ustaz Nadir sought your hand in marriage, are you interested?". I quickly covered my face and ran to my room. I didn't say a word to anyone. The next day I bought sweets and Halawa and distributed them to my siblings as a sign of appreciation because Allah has answered my dua. Then told my mother YES. 

★- Our nikkah was prepared exactly two months after that incident, our marriage was done. Before the marriage, I dreamt of many things. I believed Ustaz will do so much to make me happy, and to help me achieve my goal, which is to become a teacher and study more Islamic books and become his student. My expectations grew every day and I was just waiting for the perfect time. 

★- After the wedding, we traveled and spent quality time together. During the trip, we discussed a lot about my ambition and the desire to be a teacher. All was good, and things were smooth. Upon our return, I started planning to resume school and enroll in a women's centre where women were taught hands skills. I went ahead to collect the enrolment form and whatnot. I filled them and brought them to Ustaz for his signature. 

★- Ustaz upon receiving the forms replied, "I am a bit busy, could you bring them later?". I said ok. I tried the next day. Another excuse, then the next day, some distraction interrupted, and the time was going. So one night, I was ready for him on the bed but told myself to bring the papers to bed. Ustaz came and saw them, suddenly his face turned red. He started yelling and cursing. I said whats going on? The man grabbed the forms and tore them into pieces. 

★- "You are not enrolling in any school or training center. I married a wife and a mother, not a wanderer." Quickly I responded, but you promised to support my dreams? he replied, "I was stupid to agree, now I changed my mind". That night, I spent it crying. I felt shattered, I felt betrayed. I told my mum the next day, but she comforted me and asked me to take heart. That issue passed. 

★- The morning I presented myself to him again. This time, it was a request from me to him, asking him to become my teacher. Meanwhile, instead of going to school, he can make time and teach me at home. He didn't welcome the idea, I could see it on his face. But he approved. Sadly, never fulfilled his promise. He won't even read the Quran in my presence, talk more of teaching me something. 

★- 3rd September was exactly 1 year after our marriage. My makeup and bridal materials have finished, I was waiting for him to notice and buy or give the money for it. As he didn't notice, I spoke out. Hmm! Ustaz opened his mouth and said, " I feed you, clothe you, shelter you, secure you, that's enough, what more do you want". I felt struck by something, but I nodded and said nothing. 

★- That event had passed too. One evening, I felt the sign of labor as I was pregnant. Quickly I called his number. He said he was coming, later He called my Dad and they came home to pick me up. I was taken to the hospital and I delivered Mu'azzam. My husband did not come. From the hospital, I was taken home to my parents' house directly. He came three days later with a bag full of clothes. When I checked, it was two sets of clothes, a towel, and three baby panties. My parents were very sad about that gesture. So they took care of everything. 

★- So, here I am, from hundreds of ambitions to zero ambition. I came with hopes and expectations. But none was realized. When I returned to my home, I wanted to make a big deal out of all those episodes, but I realized it was a stupid idea. I should have known, I should have known that expectations are nothing but a cloud of smoke; they can disappoint and deceive you. If I had zeroed my mind from the beginning, I wouldn't have been betrayed. 

★- So later, I felt let me just get over it and accept the life I have. Raise my kids and keep searching for Jannah through my husband. He is a nice man, he doesn't beat, nor abuse, or maltreat. But his ideology about life and marriage is a little backward (None romance, no good times, no family time, no holiday trips, no family gatherings. I was literally caged). He wasn't honest from the beginning. He promised me a good life. His extremism and misinterpretation of religious teachings have affected our lives so much. 

★- Nonetheless, He died two years ago. I married again 4 months after my Iddah. Now I m with a different Man. I didn't go to him with any expectations, because I learned my lesson. Alhamdulillah, when I went to him with my intention to enroll in a Madrasa, he quickly welcomed the idea. Though I didn't anticipate that from him, yet he granted the permission. Now, I have been given two classes to teach while still being a student. It seems my dream is becoming true. 

★- So to all my sisters and even the brothers out there, zero your expectations where you get married. Having too much expectation could make your marriage life tough and unprogressive. 

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