*10 HABITS OF HAPPY MUSLIM COUPLES* (Part 12)
*10. They are conscious of Allah Subḥānahu wa Ta’āla (glorified and exalted be He) in conflict*
There isn’t a single marriage where there isn’t any conflict or disagreement of some sort or degree. It is only *the way in which conflicts are managed* that distinguishes the health of one marriage from the other.
Of all the ways to manage and minimize marital conflict, the most powerful way is remembering that Allah Subḥānahu wa Ta’āla (glorified and exalted be He) is watching our every single move and expression, and hearing our every single word. And it is all being recorded for a Day when He Subḥānahu wa Ta’āla (glorified and exalted be He) will be the Judge. Bringing this to mind during conflict helps us refrain from giving in to our lower selves and the whispers of Shaytan in the heat of the moment, and saves the marriage from a lot of irreversible, long-term damage.
The Prophet ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said:
*“I guarantee a house in Jannah for one who gives up arguing, even if he is in the right… ”* [Abu Dawud]
And when He Sallallāhu ‘alayhi wa Sallam (Peace and Blessings of Allāh be upon him) was asked by Mu’adh bin Jabal raḍyAllāhu ‘anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him):
“O Prophet of Allah, will we be brought to account for what we say?’ He said: ‘ *May your mother not find you, O Mu’adh! Are people thrown onto their faces in Hell for anything other than the harvest of their tongues?’”* [Ibn Majah]
The truth is, hell begins on earth when the tongue isn’t controlled during marital conflict. *The humiliation and hurt inflicted by the tongue sows deep resentment and spite.* That’s why Allah subḥānahu wa ta’āla (glorified and exalted be He) says in the Qur’an:
“ *And tell My servants to say that which is best. Indeed, Satan induces [dissension] among them. Indeed Satan is ever, to mankind, a clear enemy* .”[Qur’an: Chapter 17, Verse 53]
If you disagree with your spouse over anything or are hurt by something they did or said, bring Allah’s presence to mind first to help lower your anger and approach the issue calmly. Then put your concerns across as gently as possible because gentleness is far more likely to make your spouse see your point than lashing out at them. The Prophet ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said to Aisha raḍyAllāhu ‘anha (may Allāh be pleased with her):
“ *Aisha! show gentleness, for if gentleness is found in anything, it beautifies it and when it is taken out from anything it damages it* .” [Abu Dawud]
To be continued... In-sha-Allah.
*"And keep reminding, because reminding benefits the believers."*(51:55)
*10. They are conscious of Allah Subḥānahu wa Ta’āla (glorified and exalted be He) in conflict*
There isn’t a single marriage where there isn’t any conflict or disagreement of some sort or degree. It is only *the way in which conflicts are managed* that distinguishes the health of one marriage from the other.
Of all the ways to manage and minimize marital conflict, the most powerful way is remembering that Allah Subḥānahu wa Ta’āla (glorified and exalted be He) is watching our every single move and expression, and hearing our every single word. And it is all being recorded for a Day when He Subḥānahu wa Ta’āla (glorified and exalted be He) will be the Judge. Bringing this to mind during conflict helps us refrain from giving in to our lower selves and the whispers of Shaytan in the heat of the moment, and saves the marriage from a lot of irreversible, long-term damage.
The Prophet ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said:
*“I guarantee a house in Jannah for one who gives up arguing, even if he is in the right… ”* [Abu Dawud]
And when He Sallallāhu ‘alayhi wa Sallam (Peace and Blessings of Allāh be upon him) was asked by Mu’adh bin Jabal raḍyAllāhu ‘anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him):
“O Prophet of Allah, will we be brought to account for what we say?’ He said: ‘ *May your mother not find you, O Mu’adh! Are people thrown onto their faces in Hell for anything other than the harvest of their tongues?’”* [Ibn Majah]
The truth is, hell begins on earth when the tongue isn’t controlled during marital conflict. *The humiliation and hurt inflicted by the tongue sows deep resentment and spite.* That’s why Allah subḥānahu wa ta’āla (glorified and exalted be He) says in the Qur’an:
“ *And tell My servants to say that which is best. Indeed, Satan induces [dissension] among them. Indeed Satan is ever, to mankind, a clear enemy* .”[Qur’an: Chapter 17, Verse 53]
If you disagree with your spouse over anything or are hurt by something they did or said, bring Allah’s presence to mind first to help lower your anger and approach the issue calmly. Then put your concerns across as gently as possible because gentleness is far more likely to make your spouse see your point than lashing out at them. The Prophet ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said to Aisha raḍyAllāhu ‘anha (may Allāh be pleased with her):
“ *Aisha! show gentleness, for if gentleness is found in anything, it beautifies it and when it is taken out from anything it damages it* .” [Abu Dawud]
To be continued... In-sha-Allah.
*"And keep reminding, because reminding benefits the believers."*(51:55)
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