*MY LETTER TO YOU POLYGYNIST OR FUTURE POLYGYNIST...*
*DEAR BROTHERS!*
However, some men condemn the "jealousy" in women, do you think its easy for your wife to be in her room all alone, knowing that her husband is with her co-wife?
She used to spend all day and all night with you but now she has to share with someone, do you think its easy?
She used to have you to herself 7 days in a week, but now she only gets to see you once in 4 days, if you stay with her on monday, the next time she will be with you is on friday again. Do you think its easy?
It's easy for a man to preach polygyny because he is at the receiving end but its harder for the women because they are at the sacrificial end, however both parties are sacrificing for eachother.
You don't still see the big deal in a woman being jealous right?
Imagine a brother who is a co-worker with your wife in her workplace, bringing your wife home in his motorcycle, how would you feel when you see your wife through the window alighting from a strange man's bike? Angry? Jealous? Raging? E.t.c
That's the same way a woman feels when you are with the co-wife.
*So calm her down, pet and placate her when you see her jealous, do not scold or tell her to fear Allah.*
This isn't a matter of taqwa. Its an emotional feeling, she needs naseeha only when her jealousy has become destructive or harmful.
Aisha RadiyAllahu an'ha said,
The prophet once received some guests in my chambers on the day of my turn, he asked if I had some food, I declined, then umm salamah offered them some food, I got jealous. 😁😄🤭
When umm salamah was bringing the food in a tray, I broke the tray and it fell, the prophet cleared the floor and said,
A good food replaces the ruined food and a good plate replaces the ruined plate. Then he told his guests: Eat your food, its just the jealousy of your mother. (Sahih bukhari).
Look at the 'heekmah with which the prophet settled this issue, he didn't insult or beat Aisha for her jealousy, he didn't even embarass her in front of the guests, Umm Salamah too didn't tongue lash her.
*So a man should know how to resolve disputes ammicably.*
Many men deliberately "provoke" jealous among co-wives by flaunting the new wife while abandoning the old wife. How can you be kissing your new wife in the presence of your other wives? You buy gifts for the new one but not for others too?
Yet when your polygamous home turns to a wrestling ring, you quickly get a heart attack and die away, and people will be blaming your wives for your death.
*Secondly,*
Women love attention, even when they are saying rubbish, they still want you to be listening like that, an average wife is a terrible noise maker, even if she was quiet and shy in the beginning of the marriage, she will soon throw her shyness away. Never get tired of her troubles, when you are tired of her, sleep off and she will shut up.
But women love attention the way men love food. So always make out time for them, they left their family, lost their beauty, their shape, their figure, their youthfulness and sacrificed their career because of their marriage to you, so the least you can give her is your "undivided attention".
It is rude for your wife to be discussing with you and you are busy doing whatsapp or posting "20 ways to love your wife", when you are not even listening to your wife, and vice versa.
The prophet said,
A man entertaining his wife is not considered as idleness
(silsilatul ahadeeth as saheehah)
However,
Everything has limits, do not spend all day proving to be "mr.romantic", gisting with your wife all day and satisfying her all year round, make time for other things.
The wives of the prophet used to over-demand from him and he will abandon them for a whole month, zaynab bint jahsh once called safiyyah a jewess, safiyyah wept and d prophet ex-communicated zaynab for a week.
So in Islam, do not take anything to the extreme, not even love or romance, even ibadah is not permitted to be done extremely, so islam is balanced, do not practice it to the right or to the left.
When a woman is loved "properly", she becomes 10 times the woman she was before, give her quality attention, money and copulation.
*Do not hurt the heart that loves you.*
Abu Darda said to Umm Darda:
*If you see me angry, calm me down, if I see you angry I will calm you down, else it will be difficult to live together, losing an arguement is better than losing a spouse (hilyah al awliya)*
May Allah puts His Infinite Peace and Understanding in all polygyny homes/future polygyny homes...
*Note: you need 4 wives but you can't even handle 5 prayers. Start with what is farah before considering what's sunnah*
*DEAR BROTHERS!*
However, some men condemn the "jealousy" in women, do you think its easy for your wife to be in her room all alone, knowing that her husband is with her co-wife?
She used to spend all day and all night with you but now she has to share with someone, do you think its easy?
She used to have you to herself 7 days in a week, but now she only gets to see you once in 4 days, if you stay with her on monday, the next time she will be with you is on friday again. Do you think its easy?
It's easy for a man to preach polygyny because he is at the receiving end but its harder for the women because they are at the sacrificial end, however both parties are sacrificing for eachother.
You don't still see the big deal in a woman being jealous right?
Imagine a brother who is a co-worker with your wife in her workplace, bringing your wife home in his motorcycle, how would you feel when you see your wife through the window alighting from a strange man's bike? Angry? Jealous? Raging? E.t.c
That's the same way a woman feels when you are with the co-wife.
*So calm her down, pet and placate her when you see her jealous, do not scold or tell her to fear Allah.*
This isn't a matter of taqwa. Its an emotional feeling, she needs naseeha only when her jealousy has become destructive or harmful.
Aisha RadiyAllahu an'ha said,
The prophet once received some guests in my chambers on the day of my turn, he asked if I had some food, I declined, then umm salamah offered them some food, I got jealous. 😁😄🤭
When umm salamah was bringing the food in a tray, I broke the tray and it fell, the prophet cleared the floor and said,
A good food replaces the ruined food and a good plate replaces the ruined plate. Then he told his guests: Eat your food, its just the jealousy of your mother. (Sahih bukhari).
Look at the 'heekmah with which the prophet settled this issue, he didn't insult or beat Aisha for her jealousy, he didn't even embarass her in front of the guests, Umm Salamah too didn't tongue lash her.
*So a man should know how to resolve disputes ammicably.*
Many men deliberately "provoke" jealous among co-wives by flaunting the new wife while abandoning the old wife. How can you be kissing your new wife in the presence of your other wives? You buy gifts for the new one but not for others too?
Yet when your polygamous home turns to a wrestling ring, you quickly get a heart attack and die away, and people will be blaming your wives for your death.
*Secondly,*
Women love attention, even when they are saying rubbish, they still want you to be listening like that, an average wife is a terrible noise maker, even if she was quiet and shy in the beginning of the marriage, she will soon throw her shyness away. Never get tired of her troubles, when you are tired of her, sleep off and she will shut up.
But women love attention the way men love food. So always make out time for them, they left their family, lost their beauty, their shape, their figure, their youthfulness and sacrificed their career because of their marriage to you, so the least you can give her is your "undivided attention".
It is rude for your wife to be discussing with you and you are busy doing whatsapp or posting "20 ways to love your wife", when you are not even listening to your wife, and vice versa.
The prophet said,
A man entertaining his wife is not considered as idleness
(silsilatul ahadeeth as saheehah)
However,
Everything has limits, do not spend all day proving to be "mr.romantic", gisting with your wife all day and satisfying her all year round, make time for other things.
The wives of the prophet used to over-demand from him and he will abandon them for a whole month, zaynab bint jahsh once called safiyyah a jewess, safiyyah wept and d prophet ex-communicated zaynab for a week.
So in Islam, do not take anything to the extreme, not even love or romance, even ibadah is not permitted to be done extremely, so islam is balanced, do not practice it to the right or to the left.
When a woman is loved "properly", she becomes 10 times the woman she was before, give her quality attention, money and copulation.
*Do not hurt the heart that loves you.*
Abu Darda said to Umm Darda:
*If you see me angry, calm me down, if I see you angry I will calm you down, else it will be difficult to live together, losing an arguement is better than losing a spouse (hilyah al awliya)*
May Allah puts His Infinite Peace and Understanding in all polygyny homes/future polygyny homes...
*Note: you need 4 wives but you can't even handle 5 prayers. Start with what is farah before considering what's sunnah*
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