Let's Change Our Mindsets About Marriage Episode 213 MARRIED WOMEN

 ﷽

*Let's Change Our Mindsets About Marriage*

*Episode 213*

*MARRIED WOMEN*

*This message may sound convincingly very bitter. But we should endeavour to tell ourselves the truth.*

*My fellow women... I will prefer we go through the following verses from the glorious Qur'an, Hadith and few stories I have (as a woman) to share with u.*

*Before I hit the nail on the head on the topic above,,,* 

*Chapter 87,, suratul Al-A'laa - verse 16 and 17:--*

 بل توثرون الحياة الدنيا 

*TRANSLATION*

*U prefer the worldly life.*

والآخرة خيروابقي

*TRANSLATION*

*While the hearafter is better and more enduring.*

*Apart from the verses above, there are various verses in various chapters of the glorious Qur'an where Allah SWA is describing the life of this world (Duniya), as very brief and short.*

*My fellow women... If I remember vividly,, prophet Muhammad SAW said and I quote "  "*

كن في دنيا غرب

*Meaning :- Live in this world like a visitor.* 

*Yes... No visitor will ever dream of not leaving a place of visit. A visitor is always a visitor. And will one day leave to his//her destination.*

*My fellow women... Prophet Muhammad SAW said and I quote "  "*

لا يومن احدكم حتى يحب لأخيه مايحب لنفسه

*Meaning :-- U are not a true believer, except you wish for others what u wish for Urself.*

*But b4 I continue, I have the following questions to ask my fellow women:--*

*1.. Did u know little about the history of prophet Muhammad SAW and his wives???*

*I guess yes.*

*Prophet Muhammad SAW had 9 wives. And the youngest among the wives was NANA AISHA ((RA)).*

*2... Have u read or heard about NANA AISHA ((RA)) and prophet Muhammad SAW??? If NO,, pls Creat time to find out the details.*

*3... Have u read or heard about SAUDAT ???.. One of the prophet Muhammad's wife ? If NO. Pls Creat time to find out the details.*

*My fellow women... Did we sometimes reflect on the translation and the lesson of  verse 3 of suratul Nisai ???*

.......فا نكحوا ما طاب لكم من النساء مثنى  وثلث وربع.  فإن خفتم الاتعدلوا فواحدت..........

*TRANSLATION*

*........ Marry those that please u of women, 2 or 3 or 4. But u are afraid of justice among women,, then marry 1,, .............*

🏿 *{{we - (women) don't like to hear about this verse}}*

*Allah SWA knows b4 the creation of this world that,, there will come a time, where the population of female will be X4 or even more compare to that of male. Then, HE (Allah) asked men to start marrying 2, then 3, then 4. Before the final option of 1.*

*JUSTICE AMONG WIVES*

*This is where my fellow women misunderstood Allah SWA.* 

*Yes... The truth is always very bitter.*

*Qur'an chapter 4, suratul Nisai - verse 129:--*

ولن تستطيعواان تعدلوا بين النساء ولوحرصتم فلا تميلواكل الميل فتذروها كالمعلقت وان تصلحواوتتقوا فانالله كان غفرارحيما. 

*TRANSLATION*

*U will NEVER be able to give equal love//feelings  among wives EVEN IF U STRIVE to do so... So do not incline completely towards one, and the other one hanging. And if u (men) amend ur affairs and fear Allah - then, Allah is ever forgiving and merciful.*

*My fellow women... Create time to check the Tafseer of the verse above. Or ask questions Incase u are not convince.*

*The justice in this verse does not include love//feelings. It only include ::--feeding, shelter, dresses, children, Number of days etc.*

*It is never possible for 2 different women to behave the same way. Even if they are identical twins.. We can not rule out the factor called INDIVIDUAL DIFFERENCE.*

*Allah SWA knows that no man can ever love or have the same feelings among his wives. And am very sure 100% that no man on earth is up to the prophet Muhammad SAW interms of everything.*

     🏿

*Prophet Muhammad SAW was asked:- " Among ur wives//women, who did u love most? He replied - Nana Aisha...  He was asked again, Among all men, who did u love most? He replied - Nana Aisha's father (Abubakar sadeeq)."*

*SAUDAT ((RA))... Is one of the prophet Muhammad's wife. Prophet married her b4 Nana Aisha.*

*My fellow women... I think I still remember a verse revealed in the glorious Qur'an about SAUDAT and prophet Muhammad SAW.*

*Suratul Nisai - verse 128 :--*

وان امرات خافت من بعلها نشوااوعراضا فلا خناح عليهماان يصلحا بينهماصلحا والصلح خير واحضرت الاا نفس الشح وان تحسنوا وتتقوا فان الله كان بما تعملون خبيرا

*TRANSLATION*

*And if a woman fears from her husband, contempt or evasion,, there is no SIN upon them if they make terms of settlement between themselves - and settlement is BEST. And present in human souls is stinginess. But if u do good and fear Allah - then, indeed Allah is ever, what u do, acquainted.*

*My fellow women... After the marriage of Nana Aisha,,, SAUDAT noticed a lot of changes interms of love and feelings prophet Muhammad SAW have for her when compared to that of Nana Aisha. SAUDAT was afraid of loosing prophet Muhammad SAW. She taught prophet Muhammad SAW will end up divorcing her. She now quickly called on the prophet Muhammad SAW not to divorce her but SAUDAT SURRENDER the days meant for her for prophet Muhammad SAW to be sleeping in Nana Aisha's room. Then Allah revealed the above. Atleast, to approve the terms of settlement between SAUDAT and prophet Muhammad SAW. Allah SWA knows that, it is NEVER POSSIBLE for prophet Muhammad SAW to love or feel for SAUDAT and Nana Aisha equally 50-50.*

 *Ya Salaam. If it where u, how would u handle this situation??? Are u better than SAUDAT ??? Or is ur husband better than prophet Muhammad SAW???*

*Are these not enough signals to the point am giving about the translation of the above verse???*

*WOMEN HARDLY ESCAPE WHAT THEY ARE AFRAID OF*

*2 different stories below may touch u.*

           🏿

*STORY ONE:-- A working class friend of mine with 3 children advised me few years back not to help my husband with a peny in running the family. I asked her why? She replied me that, if u help men in running the family responsibilities, they will gain STRENGTH to marry another woman. But to my surprise, few months after that conversation, she called me that her husband wants to marry second wife tomorrow. And I asked her the following questions:-*

*Question:- Have u started helping in the family responsibilities???*

*Answer::-- For where..!!!. God forbid.*

*Question::-- Has he gotten another better job???*

*Answer::-- For where..!!!. He was even demoted in his place of work last 3 months ago.*

*Question::-- Did u people quarrell?*

*Answer::-- Not even once for the past 4 months.*

*Question::-- Then why???*

*Answer::-- leave the idiot.*

  

*My fellow women... If ur husband wants to marry another wife, no matter his financial constraints, he will do it... And no matter ur security tactics or ur close marking,, if he mean to do it. He will.*

*STORY TWO::--  This happened to me (my self). Few years back my first husband {may his soul rest in peace} whom I got my first 3 kids with, once told me that,, "" he wants to help a poor widow with 2 kids by marrying her as a second wife. I changed completely since that day with him. When he noticed that he could not longer see my face again. He called me and told that he has dropped//cancelled the second wife issue. And since that day, I changed back to who I was.*

*As Allah SWA will show me small lesson in life, Exactly 2 weeks after,, he came back in the evening complaining of slight headache. I told him to lay down. It could be a stress. B4 two hours, I went to c how he was fairing. He was already dead. Leaving me (26years old) with 3 kids.*

*Few months after, our landlord ejected us from his house just bcos we could not afford to pay. We moved into my brother's house. The trouble of my brother's wife became so unbearable that, I decided to re-marry again. Apart from that, am still 26. I need a man in my life. But who will marry me??? A man who is not yet married? This is not 90% possible.*

*Every men who came to seek for my hand in marriage used to be prevented by their wife at home.*

*To cut the long story Short, another married man came again. I fell in love with him. But his wife at home became another obstacle. I cried day and night. I fasted during the day and pray at mid-night crying to Allah to change the mind of that woman.*

*Few weeks later, the man came and told me that, his wife asked him to bring me. I asked him. Has she agreed? He said No. I started crying again. But finally i summoned my courage to go and c her. Reaching there. The wife came out and huged me crying telling me that she has agreed. Not bcos she like it but bcos, she don't know what will happen to her tomorrow if she deny me.*

*I cried again regreting how I denied someone this golden opportunity.*

       🏿

*WOMEN's FEAR ABOUT SECOND WIFE OF A THING*

*-- My husband will not be able to love me again as he used to. Or he will not love us equally 50-50.. The verse u read above should remove this worry from ur mind.*

*-- I am going to loose my husband to another woman. Did u still remember the story of SAUDAT and prophet Muhammad SAW??? Even if u noticed he is going to cheat on u OR he is cheating on u. Leave him to Allah. He will be resurrected paralysed in the day of judgment. And this means that he is not entering jannah.*

*-- The woman coming in will throw me out of the house with charms. If u sincerely asked Allah to give ur husband a good woman anytime he is ready to marry again. Allah SWA will not turn ur DU'A down. And if u are strong in faith,, Not only charms,, Wallahi not even JUJU will have a positive impact on u.*

*-- We are going to be sharing monthly resources with the woman coming in. Did u still remember the hadith i quoted in the beginning of this message??? Love for others what u love for Urself. Don't be too selfish... U, ur daughters, sisters could be a victim tomorrow.*

*-- I can not share inheritance with any woman after the death of my husband. Who told u who will die last? Or who told u that inheritance last?*

🏿

*WHAT HAPPEN TO OUR CONSCIENCE AS WOMEN???*

*1.. Did we not feel for widows who lost their husbands at younger ages?*

*2.. Did we think about number of girls to boys given birth to everyday?*

*3.. Did we think about death rate between male and female? Men die more.*

*4.. Did we sometimes feel for women//ladies outside not yet married? And how they manage their sexual urge?*

*5.. Feeding and drinking is compulsory in life. The same thing sexual intercourse. Islamically,, Interms of sexual urge,, women take 95% while men take only 5%. Fear of Allah can never stop the feelings when it strikes. Just like fear of Allah can never stop one from feeling hungry.*

*TWO LESSONS THE HISTORY OF PROPHET MUHAMMAD SAW AND HIS WIVES.*

*Ur husband is not as Pius as prophet Muhammad SAW. We have read that, Nana Aisha (RA) narrated that "" there used to be months where they don't cook food in prophet Muhammad's house. They only survive on water and dates. Allah made this to prophet Muhammad so that we learn lesson from it. If Allah so wish,, HE can make the prophet Muhammad the most richest on earth.*

*So, my fellow women... Bcos ur husband have wake up without money and food for the family, should not be seen as a problem.*

*Whatever little challenges u may face OR facing in ur marriage,,, that should not push u to seek for divorce. Pick lessons from the story of SAUDAT and prophet Muhammad SAW. Marriage is an act of IBADAH and only Allah can reward u with jannah.*

*May Allah guide us to the right path. Ameen.*

*I pray that may Allah SWA accept this work ((message)) from ME and U as u share it to others as sadakatu-jariya.*

سبحانك اللهم وبحمدك اشهد إن لااله الاانت استغفرك وأتوب إليك