Let's Change Our Mindsets About Marriage Episode 250 Verbal and Emotional abuse

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*Let's Change Our Mindsets About Marriage*

*Episode 250*

*Verbal and Emotional abuse*

Abuse comes in many forms, not all of which are physical. When someone repeatedly uses words to demean, frighten, intimidate, condemn, or control someone, it’s considered verbal abuse. This experience if not addressed, could turn into an emotional abuse - in which the victim goes through a lot of psychological trauma resulting in suicide, self-isolation, panic attacks and even death. 

You’re likely to hear about verbal abuse in the context of a romantic relationship or a parent-child relationship. But today, we will focus on verbal abuse between couples. The above practice has now become normalized in many marriages, especially towards women, and of course a few cases towards men. This trend, no doubt, has put many marriages in a bad state,  and even lead to many marriages failing.

_Let's talk about some common verbal abuses and their impact on their victims._ 

1. *Unwarranted utterances* - this could be any statement that is targeted against someone with the intent to harm them. For example, when you look at your spouse and say "you are so disgusting", just like that. Or when you make it normal to curse or abuse your spouse without any reason. This behaviour may turn someone down and prevent them from appreciating themselves leads to self-pity. Trying these trends on the bed, could force your partner out of the mood for sex. Which is why many couples complained of lack of sex libido bcos they lost the mood for sex, but they don't know that. 

2. *Demoralization* -  this deals with depriving someone's spirit and courage despite trying so hard to make things right. This could include lack of appreciation on your partner. Hence, since they know they will be demoralized even if they do good, they change from good to bad in order to harm themselves. For example, when a husband complains about the taste of the food every time, or when a husband keeps telling his wife how ugly she is or how other women are better than her, or when a wife always complains about how the husband fails to fulfil her financial demands. This could also mean when you tell your partner you are just sleeping with her to complete your religious rites not bcos she deserves it. That is heartbreaking and could kill someone's ambition to become a better person. 

3. *Belittlement* - this is even more serious, especially if one of the couples keeps underrating the other inside and outside the home without considering the damage they are making. When you belittle someone, you are merely rejecting them, and you make them feel inferior. They stop appreciating themselves and start to isolate from the world, then they start abusing drugs, then eventually they are psychologically violated. Persisting in this behaviour makes your partner lose interest in you and results in dishonesty, infidelity and lack of self-security. However, this trend can show on children as well; it affects their mindset and mentality, then attack their performance, and then kill their dreams and chances of achieving a better career. 

4. *Condemnation* - When you condemn someone, you simply tell them they are not worthy even if you are right. There are always ways to show people to correct their mistakes. Condemnation doesn't change people from bad to good; it makes them feel vulnerable, unsecured and undeserving of life, so they become hard to control. For example, any attempt she makes to make you happy you criticize it, you don't welcome it. You don't listen to her; you always cut her up when she is speaking. When she raises to the top and pursue a career or business, you are there to prove to her that she is a failure and she cannot do it. 

5. *Superiority complex* - this act could be considered as arrogance, whenever you feel you are better than others, and you deserve more, then you are in big trouble. Allah does not want arrogant people. When you show you are superior, you block every opportunity to get corrected or to improve. You always remain stagnant. And people with such behaviour find it difficult to do good to others and to accept mistakes. So in a marriage relationship, this makes you the only beneficiary in the marriage, the rests are just irrelevant. Your presence makes your partner sad and afraid. So you will never know whats going on in your house bcos you never feel the need to sit and listen. 

In conclusion, we must take note of the above characters. Bcos they kill the marriage slowly, they create toxic circumstances in the union. And women are mostly the victims. And men always use religion to justify their rigidity and oppression. When it comes to their right, men can quote from Baqarah to Nas to justify their claims. But when it comes to the right of their partners, they forget the sayings of Allah and His Rasul. That "the best among you are those who treat their wives the best". Also, "Say good utterances or remain silent". So brothers and sisters If you cant, appreciate your spouse then don't condemn, belittle or demoralize them.