Let's Change Our Mindsets About Marriage* *Episode 175* *THE WEDDING NIGHT GUIDE

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*Let's Change Our Mindsets About Marriage*

*Episode 175*

*THE WEDDING NIGHT GUIDE*

🎌Leading the Prayer

A man came to ‘Abd-Allah who was called Abu Jareer, and said: I have got married to a young girl and I am afraid that she will dislike me. ‘Abd-Allah said: Love is from Allah and dislike is from the Shaytaan, who wants to make hateful to you that which Allah has permitted to you. So when she comes to you, tell her to pray two rak‘ahs behind you.

Some Sahabas and salafs during early ages of Islam used to recommend praying with your wife the first night and most importantly leading her in prayer. Although as far as I know this is not proven by the Sunnah of Prophet (saw), however there is no harm in starting such an important chapter of life with the most important act of ibadah! If you are a woman, you could even request your new husband to do it and inshaAllah you will be rewarded for such an act!

🎌Milk or Something to Eat

It is proven from authentic hadiths that Prophet (saw) offered Aisha (ra) milk to drink on their wedding (Ahmad). Most scholars believe this is not specific to milk but the real lesson in this is to offer your bride something to eat or drink as it creates love between the two and also lowers the anxiety if there is any.

🎌Dua after Marriage and Dua before Sexual Intimacy

The husband should put his hand on the front of wife’s head and say: “Allaahumma inni as’aluka khayraha wa khayra ma jabaltaha ‘alayhi wa a‘oodhi bika min sharriha wa min sharri ma jabaltaha ‘alayhi (O Allah, verily I ask You for her good and the good of what You have created in her, and I seek refuge with You from her evil and the evil of what You have created in her).” (Abu Dawood : 2160) But if he fears that the woman may get upset if he takes hold of her forelock and recites this dua, then he can take hold of her forelock as if he is going to kiss her, and recite this dua to himself under his breath, without letting her hear him, so that she will not be upset. If she is a woman who has knowledge, she will know that this is prescribed by Islam and that there is nothing wrong with him doing and saying this in such a way that she can hear it.

When a husband is about to have intercourse with his wife, he should say: “Bismillaah, Allaahumma jannibnaa al-shaytaan wa jannib al-shaytaan maa razqtanaa (In the name of Allaah, O Allaah Keep us away from the Shaytaan and keep the Shaytaan away from what You bestow on us (our children)).” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: If Allaah decrees that they should have a child, the Shaytaan will never harm him.” (Al-Bukhaari : 9/187)

🎌Communication

We have already mentioned a hadith of not jumping on women like animals and similarly another one where kisses are prescribed. Basically, the key thing is communication. Wedding night can be very exciting yet very nerve wrecking for both spouses especially if they have been single and have refrained from zina. It’s totally appropriate to ask each other questions to determine whether your spouse is ready and willing for the intercourse or if the appropriate path is to build up to it in the next few days.

🎌Foreplay

Whoever said the most important thing in life is to finish strong never had a frank conversation with a woman about the importance of foreplay. “It’s particularly important for women to have successful foreplay because it takes a woman a longer time [than a man] to get up to the level of arousal needed to orgasm,” says Dr. Ruth Westheimer, EdD, a psychosexual therapist, professor at New York University, and lecturer at Yale and Princeton universities.

Foreplay becomes even a more important factor on wedding night. Both parties are likely to not only be nervous about it but also totally exhausted after a tiring wedding day. For many Muslim women, that’s the first time she has ever left her house to live with someone which can be traumatising too! Hence romantic & assuring chat followed by prolonged foreplay can make the night memorable for both spouses inshaAllah.

🎌After Intercourse

We’ve discussed the process of beginning intimacy in detail. But what about afterwards? It’s not just as simple as rolling over and going to sleep – one should at least make wudhu before sleeping. Also, before you can pray again after having intercourse, you must make ghusl.

The Prophet of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When a man sits between the four parts (arms and legs of his wife) and has intercourse with her, then ghusl is obligatory.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 291. Muslim added (525): “Even if he does not ejaculate.”

It is also sunnah to make wudhu if one wishes to have intercourse a second time.

It was narrated that Abu Sa‘eed al-Khudri (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “If one of you has intercourse his wife and wants to repeat it, let him do wudoo’ in between.” Narrated by Muslim, 466

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{To be continued In-sha-Allāh (If Allāh Wills)...}

"And keep reminding, because reminding benefits the believers." (Qur-ān 51:55)