TRUTH IS BITTER

*TRUTH IS BITTER*

The housewife looks at the working woman wishes she had a job so she could be "empowered and independent."

The working woman looks at the housewife and wishes she could have slower-paced days with less stress than at the office.

The stay-at-home mom looks at the working mom and wishes she could get away from the kids for a bit sometimes by going to a paid job, plus the paid part would be nice too.

The working mom looks at the stay-at-home mom and wishes she could soak in her children's company and be present for their full childhood and not feel pulled apart from all different directions of home and kids and work. 

The unmarried woman looks at the married woman and wishes that she could have the stability and security of a home, a husband, a loving family of her own. 

The married woman looks at the single woman and wishes she could have the freedom, lightmess, and excitement of the single life unencumbered by heavy responsibility.

Women look at men and wish they could be like them. (Thank you, feminism!)

The older woman looks at the younger girl and wishes she could be as youthful and fresh and energetic as she had once been.

The younger girl looks at the older woman and wishes she had the authority and freedom that comes with age. 

This is the state of most people. Living one life but looking longingly at the lives of others opposite from themselves and feeling bad about their lot in life. Feeling sorry for themselves, especially in today's culture of overplaying the victim card. 

It doesn't matter what we have--we still ignore it and wish for what we don't have. What we don't have always looks a little better.

But the grass is always greener on the other side. 

The only solution to this problem of perpetual discontent and constant comparisons is one given to us by Prophet Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم :

لا تنظروا الى من هو أعلى منكم ولكن انظوا الى من هو أسفل منكم فحري أن لا تزدروا نعمة الله عليكم

"Don't look at the people who are higher than you. Rather look at the people who are below you, so that you don't deprive yourself of the blessings of Allah upon you." 

The constant looking over our shoulder and comparing and complaining is one way to lose the blessings we do have.

Instead of wanting everything that others have, we need to understand that these are the biggest necessities and biggest blessings:

من أصبح منكم آمنا في سربه، معافى في جسده، عنده قوت يومه، فكأنما حيزت له الدنيا بحذافيرها

"Whoever of you wakes up safe in his home, healthy and sound of body, and has food for the day, then it's like the dunya has granted him its treasures."

He also teaches us, عليه الصلاة و السلام, that: 

القناعة كنز لا يفنى.

"Contentment is a treasure unending."

So instead of looking around and longing for what was given to others, we should inculcate within ourselves the treasure of feelings of قناعة (contentment) and زهد (zuhd, or asceticism). The Beloved also says: 

ازهد في الدنيا يحبك الله، وازهد فيما في أيدي الناس يحبك الناس " (رواه ابن ماجه وصححه الألباني).

"Have zuhd (look away from and let go) of the dunya and Allah will love you. And have zuhd (look away from and let go) of what's in people's hands and people will love you." 

[Narrated by Ibn Majah and classified as Sahih by Al-Albany]