Guidelines To Intimacy In Islam Episode 17

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Guidelines To Intimacy In Islam

Episode 17

PSYCHOLOGICAL AND PHYSICAL PREPARATION OF THE WIFE, FOR HER HUSBAND

Synopsis

We are going to discuss about the psychological and physical preparation that the wife is permitted to do, within the confines of Sharia’h, to keep her marriage fresh and intact. These are the removal of Hair, trimming of the eyebrows, removal of facial Hair, keeping her breath clean, the application of make-up, the wearing of jewelry, the wearing of seductive clothing, applying of perfume, keeping fit and using her Voice.

Introduction

To maintain a healthy sexual relationship, it is vital to prepare psychologically and physically for sexual relations. Preparing for intercourse is as important as the act itself. Both spouses should take care to prepare themselves for intimate relations to enjoy their union to the full extent. Being negligent in this could have 

detrimental consequences.

*Removal of Hair*

When returning from a long journey, Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم and his Sahaba would not enter their homes at night unexpectedly, rather, they would give prior notice to allow their wives to prepare themselves for their returning husbands. Sayyiduna Jabirrelates:

''We were with Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم on an expedition. When we came back to Madina, 

we intended to return home. So he صلى الله عليه وسلم said, ''Wait until we enter in the latter part 

of the evening so that a woman with disheveled hair can comb her hair, and a woman whose husband has been absent can shave her pubic hair." (al-Bukhari 4949 and Sahih Muslim 1928, the wording is of Muslim)

In this Hadith Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم advised women to shave their pubic hair, as part of his advice to them to beautify themselves for their husbands. A woman may remove unwanted hair from her arms, legs, and the rest of her body. As far as eyebrows are concerned, there is some discussion.

a) Eyebrows

Shaving the eyebrows completely and drawing a pencil line in its place, according to the mainstream majority of classical scholars it is not permitted.

b) Plucking and Trimming Eyebrows

If they seem unsightly. For example:

1) they are unusually thick and bushy,

2) they have grown too long and cover the eyes, and thus cause distress,

3) they are linked in between (unibrow)

If this is the case, then it is permitted to remove the excess hair, or trim the stray hair, and bring one’s eyebrows back to a more normal size.

Imam Ahmad relates in his Musnad from Abdullah ibn Mas’ud RA who said, “I heard Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم prohibiting the removal of [facial and eyebrow] hair… except 

when there is a defect (da’).” (Musnad Ahmad no: 3975)

Commentating on this hadith, Imam al-Shawkani states, “The apparent meaning 

of this [hadith] is that the prohibition applies to when the objective is beautification, and not due to an illness or defect; in which case it is not prohibited.” (Nayl al-Awtar 4/298)

c) No Defect then No Trimming

If there is no such defect in the eyebrows, then it is not permitted to trim or pluck them even if slightly.

d) Married Women Can Trim Her Eyebrows for Her Husband

If a woman is married, and there is nothing wrong with her eyebrows, but she wishes to trim it to adorn herself for her husband; then, upon her husband’s request, it is permitted for her to pluck or trim her eyebrows by making them ‘somewhat’ neater and shaping them ‘slightly’ – provided it is not excessive and 

exaggerated to the point that it looks unnatural and distorts her appearance (tashwih). As for unmarried women, this will remain impermissible.

Islam takes the husband-wife relationship very seriously – emphasizing the importance of both spouses remaining clean, neat and adorned for each other. As such, we see the jurists (fuqaha) from the various schools allowing a married woman to trim her eyebrows in order to beautify herself for her husband, as the narrations from Sayyida A’isha RA indicate. In this case, however, it is necessary that she does not expose them in front of non-Mahram men, since the jurists of the Hanafi and Shafi’i Schools clearly state that such trimmed eyebrows are a means of adornment only for the husband. As such, she must conceal her beautified eyebrows with her Hijab or Niqab when in the presence of non-Mahram men.

e) Don’t copy the Kuffaar

It is not permitted for both married and non married women to shape the eyebrows excessively such that it distorts the appearance, or in a way that is the hallmark of immoral and corrupt women who are considered sexually promiscuous and whose main aim is to lure men. One must avoid that which becomes the symbol of sinful and immoral activities.

As such, it is not permitted to shape one’s eyebrows into a thin fine line as practiced within the modern fashion industry. This is regardless of whether a woman is married or otherwise, and whether she exposes her eyebrows in front of non-Mahram men or not. The concession for married women is merely to ‘slightly’ neaten and shape the eyebrows, and thus great caution must be exercised in this regard. If one fears they will end up trimming the eyebrows excessively, then it is best not to trim at all.