Guidelines To Intimacy In Islam INTRODUCTION

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Guidelines To Intimacy In Islam

INTRODUCTION

Islam is a complete way of life. It covers every aspect of our lives from Tahaarah 

(cleanliness) and Salaah (prayer), to trade regulations, marriage and inheritance 

laws. Allaah Ta’aala says:

This day, I have perfected your religion for you, 

Since our deen ought never to be separated from our lives it stands to reason that 

our deen must cover every aspect of our lives. It is a common misconception that Islam isrestricted to particular forms of Ibaadah, and has nothing to say about social issues, marriage, divorce, politics, economics and so on. 

The effect of such a misconception is that a great portion of the teachings of the 

Qur'an and Sunnah stands omitted. We need to therefore educate ourselves with 

the teachings of Islam. Allaah tells us in the Noble Quraan:

0 you who believe, enter Islam completely,

We Muslims are therefore duty bound to learn the full spectrum of Islamic 

teachings and implement them. The result of this is a blissful, peaceful and 

successful life in this world and the next.

Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم came to teach us a lifestyle which will be of benefit to us in both 

worlds. He is the paradigm of perfection. He even taught us the mundane realities 

of everyday life. Imam Muslim relates in his Sahih from the Farisi-al Salman Sahabithat some Mushrikin approached him saying:

''Your Prophet has taught you everything, even about excrement [i.e. etiquettes of relieving oneself]." (He thought he we would bring the name of Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم

in disrepute by this statement. Now listen to the reply of this great Sahabi. Farsi Salman replied:

"Indeed! He has forbidden us from facing the Qibla when excreting or urinating, 

and from cleaning ourselves with our right hand, and from cleaning ourselves 

with less than three stones, and from cleaning ourselves with dung or bone." 

(Sahih Muslim 262 and Sunan Abu Dawud 7, the wording is of Abu Dawud)

If the manner to go to the toilet was taught to us by Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم ,do you think that he صلى الله عليه وسلم would have left out teachings us about the intimate relationship between a husband and wife? Never, not when a healthy sensual relationship is absolutely vital in marriage. Many times problems arise in marriages because 

there is no sensual gratification within that marriage. This often leads to unhappiness, frustration, and, at times, even divorce.

The 2 Main Reasons for Discussing this Topic:

1. To maintain a healthy sensual relationship between husband and wife. Among 

the objectives of marriage is to satisfy one's sexual needs in a lawful manner, and 

if either spouse is unfulfilled, the temptation to look elsewhere can become 

overwhelming. Often, a spouse will refuse to engage in a form of sexual activity, 

mistakenly believing it to be unlawful, which could easily sour their relationship. 

It is therefore of key importance for married couples to understand the teachings 

of Islam regarding sexual behaviour. With some basic education on the subject, it 

is possible to have a healthy sexual life and avoid marital conflict.

2. A second, but no less important reason for these lessons, is the modern world's 

obsession with sexuality. The seriousness of this has been recognized by our 

schools and they have taken it upon themselves to educate our children on this 

topic under the banner of "sex education". As parents we ought to make our 

reservations known about the lewd manner in which sex education is taught in 

our schools; and I am sure many of you do; but the fact of the matter is that sex 

education is an integral part of human existence, and it must be taught. Doing so 

becomes the responsibility of every Muslim, and he can only do so in accordance 

to the teachings of Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم .If we don’t do it the West will. 

Sex Education-Islam v/s the West

Mufti Zubair Bayat has written the following article on sex education titled, sex 

education, Islam vs the West.

“The West, having just emerged from the darkness of the middle ages, has 

suddenly realized the importance of sex “education”. Yet this is something which was part and parcel of Islamic teachings since its inception fourteen hundred 

years ago. It should however be borne in mind that Islamic sex education is poles 

apart from the Western concept of sex ‘education’, which could rather be termed 

as sex ‘corruption’. There is a vast difference between the crude attitude of the 

West to this subject in comparison with Islam’s refined approach. The west has 

thoroughly degraded the real (Islamic) concept of sex education by adulterating 

this important branch of learning, with its depraved values and outlook on sex.”

(End of Quote)

Do not feel Shy

Let none attending these classes feel that these lessons are offensive and a breach of religious propriety (adab) and modesty (Hayaa). Be aware that Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم himself explained this subject in considerable detail. SeveralAhaadith describe how Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم taught men and women matters relating to intimacy, many of which will be explored during the course of these lessons.

1. Imam Bukhari and Imam Muslim عليها تعاىل هللا رحمة related a Hadith by Abu Hurayra in which Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم was teaching his Sahaba the rules of having a Ghusl, when he صلى الله عليه وسلم said:

''When a man sits amidst her four parts and then exerts pressure on her, a ghusl

becomes obligatory upon him." (Sahih al-Bukhari 287 and Sahih Muslim 348, the 

wording is of Muslim)

In this Hadith, Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم describes clearly how a man might have intercourse with his wife such that it necessitates a ritual bath of purification. There are numerous other examples which illustrate the frankness with which Rasulullaah discussed these matter.

2. The  Sahaba also did not shy away from asking Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم questions of a sexual nature. In a famous incident, Sayyiduna  'Umar Ibnul-Khattāb asked Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم about the 

permissibility of penetrating one's wife from behind i.e. penetrating her private 

part, and not the anus. Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم did not rebuke him for asking an 

"offensive" question, but waited until Allaah Ta’aala Himself revealed verses of 

the Qur'an to answer his question. (See: Sunan al-Tirmidhi)

3. Remarkably, women also felt able to ask Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم questions of a sexual nature without any reluctance or being ashamed of such enquiry. Rather, 

Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم did not shy away from answering them, even though he was shy by nature.

 Salama Umm Sulaymsaid to  Rasulullaah to came,

"Yaa Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم ,surely, Allaah Ta’aala is not shy of the truth. Is it necessary 

for a woman to take a ritual bath after she has a wet dream?" 

Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم replied, ''Yes, if she notices a discharge." 

  Salama Ummcovered her face and asked, "Yaa Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم !Does a woman have a discharge?" 

He صلى الله عليه وسلم replied, "Yes, let your right hand be in dust [an Arabic expression said light-heartedly to someone whose statement you contradict], how does the son resemble his mother?" (Sahih al-Bukhari 130)

Here, a woman has no qualms in asking Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم about something as intimate as a wet dream. Umm Sulaym's statement,

"Allaah Ta’aala is not shy of the truth" is a clear indication that there is no shyness 

when it comes to learning about matters of Din. Rasulullaah صلى الله عليه وسلم used this phrase himself when he prohibited anal intercourse, saying:

"Allaah Ta’aala is not shy of the truth; do not enter women in their anuses." 

(Sunan Ibn Majah 1924, Musnad Ahmad and others)

It is clear, then, that there is nothing wrong in discussing this subject for 

instructional purposes, as long as it is done with decency. In fact, it is a mistake to 

shy away from the teachings of Allaah Ta’aala and the Messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم ,even those regarding sexual matters.

Sayings of our Pious Predecessors

1. Imam Bukhari عليه هللا رحمة relates from Mujahid who said, "Sacred knowledge 

('ilm) is not gained by a shy person nor an arrogant one." (Sahih al-Bukhari)

2. Likewise, he relates from Sayyida 'A'isha who said, 

"How praiseworthy are the women of Ansaar; shyness does not prevent them 

from having a deep understanding of religion." (Ibid)

Modesty is, without doubt, a fundamental element of our Deen, but when it 

comes to religious matters it should not prevent one from learning. In the modern 

world, questions of sexuality are openly discussed, often indecently; why then 

should we feel ashamed of learning the pure and decent teachings of Islam on 

this subject?

Those who feel that the contents of these lessons are overly explicit should keep 

in mind the words of Allaah Ta’aala, His Messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم and the Sahaba 

"Surely, Allaah Ta’aala is not shy of [expounding] the truth" (Qur'an 33:53) 

Whatever we will discuss, is based directly on the Qur'an, Sunnah, sayings of the 

 Sahaba, works of classical scholars, reference works in each of the four Sunni Schools of Islamic law, and authentic works of some 

learned contemporary scholars.

In light of the two reasons discussed above, namely, sexual problems between married couples as a cause of marital discord, and the modern day fixation on sex and its powerful influence on Muslims, the need to guide Muslims to the Islamic teachings regarding sexual matters is clear.