Let's Change Our Mindsets About Marriage Episode 280 What is a Good Muslim Marriage Like? (2)

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*Let's Change Our Mindsets About Marriage*

*Episode 280*

*What is a Good Muslim Marriage Like? (2)*

On another level, there are many women who cannot cope with being confined all day with children and domestic affairs, who long to go out to work simply to have something else to do, other people to see and talk to, and a little financial reward at the end of it. A Muslim man should realise that he is a lucky person indeed if his wife his happy to devote her whole time and attention to him and his needs, and those of their children and relations. He should count his blessings and never forget to appreciate what a treasure he has been granted. 

In many Muslim societies it is taken for granted that a married woman will pass her 

life in this way, and only someone who has travelled extensively from Muslim country to 

Muslim country, and had access and the ability to observe the life of Muslim women, can 

comment fairly on the enormous weight of boredom that lies over the lives of many of these sisters. 

It is not full Islam-for God would not have given women the ability to be professionally 

employed if He had intended a wholly different vocation for them. The Prophet (P.B.U.H)'s first wife Khadijah was first his employer, while his cousin-wife Zaynab continued to work after their marriage. She made and sold excellent leather saddles, and the Prophet 

(P.B.U.H) was very pleased with her work. When Islam began fourteen hundred years 

ago, the women around the Prophet participated in public life, were vocal about social inequalities, and often shared decision-making with him. This continued through the golden age of Muslim civilization, when women occupied a far more central role in society than they do nowadays. There were colleges like Cairo's Saqlatuniya Academy which provided higher education for women, and were staffed by women professors. The biographical dictionaries of the great hadith scholars reveal that about a sixth of the hadith scholars in the Muslim middle ages were women. 

Historians today also marvel at the major role which Muslim women played in the medieval economy, a role made possible by the fact that Islamic law grants a woman the right to own and dispose of property independently of her husband, a law only introduced in the West at the beginning of the twentieth century! But it cannot be denied that over the past three hundred years of our history, women have 

increasingly disappeared from such positions. It is our duty to try and revive the classical 

Muslim tradition in this important area. 

All this reminds us that true submission to God in Islam means that each individual 

must do the very best possible to make use of all their talents and abilities, for the greater 

good of the community. If the person involved happens to be a Muslim woman, there is the 

extra responsibility that the household and family must not suffer, and the onus really falls on her. Any Muslim woman worth her salt will work out a satisfactory way of fulfilling all her 

obligations, and any Muslim man bearing this in mind should be supportive and sympathetic, and willing to pitch in and give practical help when required. 

The sunnah of the Blessed Prophet in this respect was revealed by his wife A'ishah. A 

hadith in Bukhari tells us that when asked what he did at home, she replied that he helped 

his wives with their work until it was time to go out to lead the prayers. As a perfect gentleman and the leader of the Muslim nation, he did not regard helping his wives as a slur 

on his manhood. 

If the wife spends all her time caring for her home, then her man must appreciate this 

sacrifice and devote sufficient time to her as reward for her efforts. He should notice what 

she has done, and take an interest in it. It is not good Islam simply to take everything for 

granted, and insult the wife's stalwart efforts by regarding them simply as a man's right. A 

good Muslim husband will obviously not distress his wife by going off boozing and flirting with other women, but neither should he just pop into the house for a meal and then rush off out again with his male friends and spend excessive hours in their company (even at the mosque), leaving the wife alone in the evening when she might have hoped to share a little of his time. 

It is a commonplace 'blindness' in many societies that only the employed people are 

'working,' and the ones at home are not. True Muslims should never forget that the money 

brought in for the family's support is earned by a joint effort; if husbands think they are the sole earners and breadwinners, then they should stop to figure out what it would cost 

them if they lost their wives and were obliged to hire a purchasing agent, a cook, a kitchen-hand, a cleaner, a housekeeper, a decorator, a nursemaid, a chauffeur for the children, and so on. Normally the wife saves all this expense by doing this work herself quite a contribution!