Let's Change Our Mindsets About Marriage Episode 276 THE KEY TO A HAPPY MARRIAGE (2)

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*Let's Change Our Mindsets About Marriage*

*Episode 276*

*THE KEY TO A HAPPY MARRIAGE (2)*

What does a person want from marriage? Before committing themselves to a life-

partner, every individual should try to sit down calmly and become conscious of what their needs really are, and consider whether or not the proposed partner is going to prove likely to be able to fulfill those needs. These needs are not just for a man to have a cheap servant or concubine (a maid, or an available sex-partner for whenever he feels 'in the mood'); or for a woman to have someone to shower her with gifts, clothes, jewellery and flowers, or to provide the means for her to cradle in her arms a beloved baby (a sugar-daddy or a stud-bull). The needs amount to much more than that. They are physical, emotional, and also spiritual. What are your values and your goals, and how do you expect to achieve them?

 

You have to know yourself pretty well, and also have a fair idea of whether or not your 

intended spouse understands them and is willing and able to satisfy them. 

Furthermore, if your marriage is to be successful, you must also be considerate 

towards the legitimate needs of your partner, and not just look to your own gratification. If you are going to be happy, then your spouse must be happy also, or your relationship is doomed. We have physical needs, not only for sexual satisfaction but also for food, clothing and shelter. 

We also have emotional needs-for understanding, kindness and compassion. We have the need for companionship and friendship, a person with whom we can share our 

intimate thoughts and still feel secure; someone who we know is not going to laugh at 

us or mock us, but is going to care about us. We need to feel that we are building something up together, and accomplishing something that is good. 

Then, we have the spiritual need for inner peace and contentment.

We need to feel at home with a partner whose way of life is compatible with our own sense of morality, and our desire to live in such a way as is pleasing to God. If our religion means anything at all to us, then the most fundamental need we have is to find someone whose Islam is not just on the lips, but has reached the heart.

 

We will not feel comfortable if we are settled in a life partnership with someone whose ways, morals or habits make us uneasy or disapproving-that would not make for 

our inner peace, but would be a terrible worry. We want to feel secure.

This has nothing to do with satisfying our urges for career, fame, wealth, and material possessions. Such things are pleasant enough, but Muslims know that there is a hunger of the spirit that remains even after all these physical needs are satisfied. The love of dunya-

the things of this world-is a tricky illusion. Muslims know that no matter how pleasant they may be, the things of this world are ephemeral and will pass away quickly: they 

are dependent on the will of Allah. A millionaire can be ground into the dust at the slightest turn of fate. Nothing of the earth's riches can be taken with us when we leave here to make the journey that comes after this brief life in the world. 

Our spirits long to know who we are, what we are, why we are here, where we are going, and how we can get there. Non-believers scoff at religion, but find their hearts are not at ease because they do not have the answers to these questions.

Muslims feel that even if they do not know all the details for certain, at least they are on the right road.

 

Even if they do not always know the reason why Allah has given a particular instruction, 

they trust His judgments, and know it is right to carry it out, and that in doing so they will find happiness and contentment.

 

So, when we are about to embark upon marriage, we need to be aware of how we feel about all these issues-and also, how our chosen partner feels. Of course, it is impossible to sit down and thrash out all the answers in five minutes.

The greatest brains in the world spend whole lifetimes on these issues. Nevertheless, it is sensible to at least be aware of the issues-even if we cannot come up with all the answers-and to have talked about them frankly to the intended spouse.