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*THE ISLAMIC MARRIAGE COURSE*
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*HOW TO FIND A COMPATIBLE SPOUSE*
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*What to Look for in a Potential Wife*
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*01. Piety*
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One of the signs of a righteous woman, is the fear of Allah which she possesses, through it your mutual rights are ensured. As you come into a covenant under the guidance of Allah, the bond of faith which you possess will increase you in love and mercy towards each other.
_O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted._ [Surah Hujurat,13]
There would be no good in marrying a woman who has no faith or fear of Allah - no matter how beautiful she may appear, because the believing woman will help you towards paradise and the pleasure of Allah whilst the unbelieving woman beckons you towards the fire.
_And do not marry unbelieving women until they believe. And a believing slave woman is better than a unbeliever, even though she might please you. And do not marry unbelieving men [to your women] until they believe. And a believing slave is better than a unbeliever, even though he might please you. Those invite [you] to the Fire, but Allah invites to Paradise and to forgiveness, by His permission. And He makes clear His verses to the people that perhaps they may remember._ [Surah Al-Baqarah, 221]
For piety is the source of goodness whilst lack of piety is the source of evil.
Uqbah ibn Amir reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
_No one is better than anyone else except by religion or good deeds. It is enough evil for a man to be profane, vulgar, greedy, or cowardly._
And in another narration, the Prophet said:
_Whoever is slow to good deeds will not be hastened by his lineage._ (Muslim)
May Allah ﷻ increase us in guidance and grant us happy and tranquil homes. (آمِيْن يَارَبَّ الْعَالَمِينْ )
*THE ISLAMIC MARRIAGE COURSE*
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*HOW TO FIND A COMPATIBLE SPOUSE*
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*What to Look for in a Potential Wife*
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*02. Loyalty*
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We live in an age of charged ideological intrigues seeking to dominate our hearts and minds. Pitching the people against one another through different labels and domineering groups disguised as entertainments, sports, politics, social activism, and so on and so forth... So, you don’t want to marry a woman who is preoccupied with fangled tales and ideologies whilst having little or no reflection of the virtues required of her from her religion. Because, it reflects the path of life she desires to follow and what to expect from such prospective marriage.
Allah (swt) said,
_O you who believe, do not take as intimates those other than yourselves, for they will not spare you any ruin. They wish you would have hardship. Hatred has already appeared from their mouths, and what their breasts conceal is greater. We have certainly made clear to you the signs, if you will reason._ [Surat Ali Imran, 118]
A righteous woman occupies herself with the remembrance of Allah and precepts of Islam and never entertains the heresies, ideologies or ways of the disbelievers such as binge watching of un-Islamic movies and following the lifestyle of actors/actresses who spread immorality and disbelief.
Allah (swt) said,
_“And [yet], among the people are those who take other than Allah as equals [to Him]. They love them as they [should] love Allah. But those who believe are stronger in love for Allah. And if only they who have wronged would consider [that] when they see the punishment, [they will be certain] that all power belongs to Allah and that Allah is severe in punishment.”_ [Surah Al-Baqarah, 165]
For instance, a Muslim woman who identifies herself as a feminist, has belied Allah and His Messenger. Because she has rejected Allah and the Messenger by over-looking all the counsels of the righteous scholars of the believers for the doctrines of the disbelievers. This kind of women have no regard for the words of Allah and His Messenger nor will such relationship have the bond of faith which will keep her and you in check during the ups and downs of marriage life.
This is a horrendous sin categorized as al-asabiyyah - which is defined in Islam as loyalty to one’s tribe, ideology or family over the principles of justice. The Prophet (ṣaw) disavowed himself and Islam from anyone who acts according to the various ideological and cultural manifestations of such biases.
Jubair ibn Mut’im reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
_“He is not one of us who calls to asabiyah. He is not one of us who fights for the sake of asabiyyah. He is not one of us who dies following the way of asabiyyah.”_ (Abī Dāwūd)
As for the righteous woman, due to her Islamic inclinations, will put the commands of her Lord first whilst expecting the best reward from Him. For, she is a justly balanced believer to whom you can trust with your wealth and life by virtue of her unbiased outlook and considerate disposition to her obligations as a wife.
Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
_“The Muslim is the one from whose tongue and hand the people are safe, and the believer is the one people trust with their lives and wealth.”_ (Al-Nasā’ī)
May Allah ﷻ increase us in guidance and grant us happy and tranquil homes. (آمِيْن يَارَبَّ الْعَالَمِينْ )
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*THE ISLAMIC MARRIAGE COURSE*
____________
*HOW TO FIND A COMPATIBLE SPOUSE*
____________
*What to Look for in a Potential Wife*
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*03. Knowleddgeable*
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In the age of digital information and globalization, you want to marry a woman who can distinguish Islam from un-islam, because you don’t want to have a wife who is driven by trends and market forces. Because in this age, everyone has an opinion, so you want someone that is teachable or learned so they are exposed to beneficial knowledge and can distinguish between truth from falsehood whenever they come across it.
Because, the believers are allies of one another and it is through the guidance of Allah that their mutual rights are assured.
For indeed, Allah(swt) said:
_“It is only those who have knowledge among His servants that fear Allah."_ [Surah Fatir, 28]
For instance, a woman who cannot use her knowledge to validate her Islamic beliefs, would easily be driven by the whims and desires of others and this may have serious consequences in the lifestyle she leads, the way she handles her finances, how she manages her home, how she treats her husband and how she raises her children.
According to one of the reports from the Prophet (PBUH):
_“Whoever follows a path in pursuit of knowledge, Allah makes his way to paradise easy.”_ (Bukhari)
For verily, knowledge, is an indispensable resource for every believer. Through it, she may improve herself by self-edification and thus maintain her affairs in righteousness.
Anas ibn Malik reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
_“Seeking knowledge is an obligation upon every Muslim.”_
May Allah ﷻ increase us in guidance and grant us happy and tranquil homes. (آمِيْن يَارَبَّ الْعَالَمِينْ )
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*THE ISLAMIC MARRIAGE COURSE*
____________
*HOW TO FIND A COMPATIBLE SPOUSE*
____________
*What to Look for in a Potential Wife*
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*04. Truthful*
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A righteous woman is a truthful woman who can be trusted with her words, she does not lie nor is she deceitful. For, Islam is a religion of truth, guides with the truth, rules with the truth and is about truth. So, you want to marry a woman whom you can rely upon and entrust with your children and property.
‘Ubadah ibn al-Samit reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said,
_“Guarantee for me six deeds and I will guarantee for you Paradise: Be truthful when you speak, keep your promises when you make them, fulfill the trust when you are trusted, guard your chastity, lower your gaze, and restrain your hands from harming others.”_ (Ahmad)
For whoever is truthful is fertile and will be able to discern truth from falsehood. Thus, such woman, would be a worthy companion that will help you build a successful home.
Ibn Mas’ud reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
_“You must be truthful. Verily, truthfulness leads to righteousness and righteousness leads to Paradise. A man continues to be truthful and encourages honesty until he is recorded with Allah as truthful. And beware of falsehood. Verily, falsehood leads to wickedness and wickedness leads to the Hellfire. A man continues tell lies and encourages falsehood until he is recorded with Allah as a liar.”_ (Muslim)
May Allah ﷻ increase us in guidance and grant us happy and tranquil homes. (آمِيْن يَارَبَّ الْعَالَمِينْ )
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*THE ISLAMIC MARRIAGE COURSE*
____________
*HOW TO FIND A COMPATIBLE SPOUSE*
____________
*What to Look for in a Potential Wife*
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*05. Humility*
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You want to marry a woman who is humble for the sake of Allah and not one given to boastfulness or beauty contest. Such women who seek to be praised by the people and to show off their beauty.
‘Iyad ibn Himar reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
_“Verily, Allah has revealed to me that you must be humble towards one another, so that no one oppresses another or boasts to another.”_ (Muslim)
Because, you don’t want to marry a woman who is loud and vainglorious. As such qualities leads to haughtiness and disrespect.
Ibn Mas’ud reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
_“No one who has the weight of a seed of arrogance in his heart will enter Paradise. Someone said, “But a man loves to have beautiful clothes and shoes.” The Prophet said: Verily, Allah is beautiful and He loves beauty. Arrogance means rejecting the truth and looking down on people.”_ (Muslim)
May Allah ﷻ increase us in guidance and grant us happy and tranquil homes. (آمِيْن يَارَبَّ الْعَالَمِينْ
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*THE ISLAMIC MARRIAGE COURSE*
____________
*HOW TO FIND A COMPATIBLE SPOUSE*
____________
*What to Look for in a Potential Wife*
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*06. Obedient*
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A righteous wife is obedient and loyal to her husband in such a way that when he seeks her indulgence, she obeys him and fulfills her duty to him. She is compliant to him and not one given to arrogance or haughtiness.
Narrated/Authority of Abdullah bin Abu Awfa " When Muadh bin Jabal came from Sham, he prostrated to the Prophet (PBUH) who said:
_“'What is this, O Muadh?' He said: 'I went to Sham and saw them prostrating to their bishops and patricians and I wanted to do that for you.' The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: 'Do not do that. If I were to command anyone to prostrate to anyone other than Allah, I would have commanded women to prostrate to their husbands. By the one in whose hand is the soul of Muhammad! No woman can fulfill her duty towards Allah until she fulfills her duty towards her husband. If he asks her (for intimacy) even if she is on her camel saddle, she should not refuse.' "_ (Bukhari)
Because, you don’t want to marry a woman who will be insubordinate or cause difficulties for you in your home.
For Allah (swt) said:
_“… So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance – [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand.”_ [Surah An-Nisa, 34]
Therefore, you want to marry a righteous woman, who is tender, such that when you counsel her, she will accede to your words and consider your advice.
Narrated by Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said: the prophet(PBUH) was asked:
_“O Messenger of Allah, what type of wife is best? He said: “The one who makes (her husband) happy when he looks at her, and she obeys him if he instructs her to do something, and she does not do anything with regard to herself or his wealth in a manner of which he does not approve.”_ (Bukhari)
There is no good in women who are haughty and will be at logger heads with you when you marry them.
Narrated/Authority of Musawir Al Himyari, from his mother that she heard Umm Salamah say: "I heard the Messenger of Allah (saw) say:
_'Any woman who dies when her husband is pleased with her, will enter Paradise.' "_ (Bukhari)
For verily, the humble and respectful woman is better and necessary for building a righteous home.
Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said,
_“If a woman prays her five prayers, fasts her month of Ramadan, guards her chastity, and obeys her husband, she will enter Paradise from any gate she wishes.”_ (Ibn Hibban)
May Allah ﷻ increase us in guidance and grant us happy and tranquil homes. (آمِيْن يَارَبَّ الْعَالَمِينْ )
To be continued... إِنْ شَاءَ ٱللّٰهُ
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*THE ISLAMIC MARRIAGE COURSE*
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*HOW TO FIND A COMPATIBLE SPOUSE*
____________
*What to Look for in a Potential Wife*
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*07. Modesty*
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Modesty is the treasured quality of a righteous woman by which she is revered and respected. It is the crux of her honor and dignity. Through which she adorns herself with the garment of righteousness, restraining herself from displaying her beauty to non-mahrams, upholding her dignity by speaking less, preserving her from strange gatherings and making her a jewel to be honored.
Abu Udhaynah reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said,
_“The best of your women are loving, fertile, suitable, and comforting, if they fear Allah. The worst of your women unveil their beauty, take pride in their appearance, and they are hypocrites. None of them will enter Paradise except as rarely as you see a red-beaked crow.”_(Al-Kubrá)
One of the signs of modesty in the righteous woman, is the way she speaks; you will not find her raising her voice in the streets nor dwelling on frivolous arguments with strange men on social media, per-adventure she finds herself on any of such networks. When she does, she is mindful of her engagements and how she carries herself.
Abu Umamah reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said,
_“Modesty and reticence (i.e, to speak little) are two branches of faith. Whilst Profanity and temerity (i.e, to speak too often) are two branches of hypocrisy.”_ (Sahih)
She is never like the unbelieving women who are given to vulgar speech and uncanny behaviors that demonstrate poor morals and low sense of integrity.
Anas ibn Malik reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said,
_“Vulgarity is not found in anything but that it disgraces it, and modesty is not found in anything but that it beautifies it.”_ (Sahih)
For instance, you find some young women on social media engaging in immoral discuss, displaying obscene images, sharing vulgar messages and condoning the lifestyles of the unbelievers by following their ways, trends or sharing their contents, whilst being unmindful of the religious implications of such activities. To add salt to injury, they share such contents with their friends and families. Contents that a believer would ordinarily be ashamed to gaze at, not to think of sharing it with your believing brothers and sisters.
May Allah ﷻ increase us in guidance and grant us happy and tranquil homes. (آمِيْن يَارَبَّ الْعَالَمِينْ )
To be continued... إِنْ شَاءَ ٱللّٰهُ
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*THE ISLAMIC MARRIAGE COURSE*
____________
*HOW TO FIND A COMPATIBLE SPOUSE*
____________
*What to Look for in a Potential Wife*
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*08. Patience*
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Patience is an indispensable quality of the believer and more so a righteous woman. It teaches endurance, perseverance and steadfastness upon the path of Allah. Which can help her overcome any challenges she may come across in her marriage. When she possesses it, she will raise her children with care, move along with her in-laws and be an outstanding support for her husband.
Abu Sa’id al-Khudri reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
_“There is no gift that is better and more comprehensive than patience.”_ (Bukhari)
For verily, Life is full of ups and down and one is bound to loss himself, except for the righteous believers, they hold on to their faith, do righteous deeds and encourage each other to steadfastness whether in good times or trying times. And thus, grow in goodness and become successful.
_“By time, Indeed, mankind is in loss, Except for those who have believed and done righteous deeds and advised each other to truth and advised each other to patience.”_ [Surah Al-Asr, 1-3]
Narrated by Suhayb (may Allaah be pleased with him) that, The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:
_“How wonderful is the affair of the believer, for his affairs are all good, and this applies to no one but the believer. If something good happens to him, he is thankful for it and that is good for him. If something bad happens to him, he bears it with patience and that is good for him.”_ (Muslim)
May Allah ﷻ increase us in guidance and grant us happy and tranquil homes. (آمِيْن يَارَبَّ الْعَالَمِينْ )
To be continued... إِنْ شَاءَ ٱللّٰهُ
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*THE ISLAMIC MARRIAGE COURSE*
____________
*HOW TO FIND A COMPATIBLE SPOUSE*
____________
*What to Look for in a Potential Wife*
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*09. Appreciative*
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A righteous woman is the kind of woman who is thankful towards those who support her and do good towards her whether little or much. She is not one who nags over every little issue or downplays the good work of others. She has empathy and responds to kindness with good words. Unlike the haughty, promiscuous women who act ungratefully towards others no matter how much goodness they offer them.
You don’t want to marry such women because they can create a lot of problems for you in your prospective marriage. As, she may never appreciate any of your good gestures and may even use them as a leverage against you. It is a habit common amongst the hypocrites and the unbelieving women.
Abu Huraira reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said,
_“Whoever does not thank people has not thanked Allah.”_ (Abī Dāwūd)
A woman that is ungrateful, may turn the marriage upside down, as it will become a one sided affair. And there is no good in a one sided affair.
Narrated 'Abdullah bin Abbas: During the lifetime of Allah's Apostle, the sun eclipsed. Allah's Apostle offered the prayer of (the) eclipse) and so did the people along with him…..afterwards, he(PBUH) said,
_"I saw Paradise (or Paradise was shown to me), and I stretched my hand to pluck a bunch (of grapes), and If I had plucked it, you would have eaten of it as long as this world exists. Then I saw the (Hell) Fire, and I have never before, seen such a horrible sight as that, and I saw that the majority of its dwellers were women." The people asked, "O Allah's Apostle! What is the reason for that?" He replied, "Because of their ungratefulness." It was said. "Do they disbelieve in Allah? He replied, "They are not thankful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favors done to them. Even if you do good to one of them all your life, when she sees some harshness from you, she will say, "I have never seen any good from you.' "_ (Bukhari)
May Allah ﷻ increase us in guidance and grant us happy and tranquil homes. (آمِيْن يَارَبَّ الْعَالَمِينْ )
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*THE ISLAMIC MARRIAGE COURSE*
____________
*HOW TO FIND A COMPATIBLE SPOUSE*
____________
*What to Look for in a Potential Wife*
____________
*10. Sensible with Wealth*
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Islam has commanded the believers to be people of the middle path and that we should be judicious when dealing with wealth. Likewise, because Allah has made the men responsible for their women does not mean a woman should become a spend thrift.
Allah (swt) said:
“Eat and drink but waste not by extravagance, certainly Allah likes not those who waste by extravagance” [Surah Al-Araf, 31]
Therefore, a righteous woman is such that can be satisfied with less and content with little.
Narrated on the Authority of Abdur-Rahman bin Salim bin Utbah bin Salim bin Uwaim bin Saidah Al-Ansari from his father that his grandfather said:
_"The Messenger of Allah (saw) said: 'You should marry virgins, for their mouths are sweeter, their wombs are more prolific and they are satisfied with less.'"_ (Bukhari)
For Allah (swt) said:
_“Indeed, the spendthrifts are brothers of the devils, and ever has Satan been to his Lord ungrateful.”_ [Surah Al-Isra, 27]
Likewise, the righteous woman is simple and has less desire for accumulating wealth,
Abu Umamah reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said,
_“Verily, simple living is part of faith, simple living is part of faith.”_ (Abi Dawud)
So, you don’t want to marry a materialistic woman who has 1000 avenues to help you spend your money. Because it is expected that a righteous wife should plan well how to manage her husband’s wealth. For verily, true wealth is not in possessions but richness of the soul.
Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
_“Wealth is not in having many possessions. Rather, true wealth is the richness of the soul.”_ (Bukhari)
May Allah ﷻ increase us in guidance and grant us happy and tranquil homes. (آمِيْن يَارَبَّ الْعَالَمِينْ )
To be continued... إِنْ شَاءَ ٱللّٰهُ
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