Let's Change Our Mindsets About Marriage Episode 269 Let's talk about virginity

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*Let's Change Our Mindsets About Marriage*

*Episode 269*

Let's talk about virginity.

Assaalam Alaikum - one of the many and precious gifts that Allah gives to women is virginity. It is such a blessing that it has many  symbolic representations, as it symbolises many gifts, so we must appreciate it ok . Here are some:

1. Virginity is a symbol of dignity, it shows that a woman have a moral upbringing.

2. Virginity is a symbol of piety, it means she is God-fearing. She keeps it safe despite attacks from people. 

3. Virginity is a symbol of hope, it means the ummah can still count on our sisters. And it means our younger generations will have proper training. 

4. Virginity is a symbol of Allah's mercy, it means Allah has protected you and keeps you pure. So say alhamdulillah. 

5. Virginity is a symbol of decency, it means a virgin is shy and overprotective of her dignity. These girls who misbehave on social media, most of them couldn't have done it, if they were virgins. Virginity gives you that extra haya (shyness), it gives you that extra decency, you cannot just compare the moral decorum of a virgin and that of non virgin.

Notwithstanding, there are many non virgins out there who lost it against their will. They are completely the opposite of what i stated above. We ask Allah to give them strength to deal with it.

Why is keeping virginity important?

1. First issue, every non virgin has a concern that if she gets married someday, her husband will find out and he will not trust her. That's true. So they start to look for alternatives such as drugs or creams to fix their virginity or get their virginity again. And in most cases it doesn't work 100%. So don't lose it. 

2. Keeping your virginity buys you extra respect, your husband will build a trust in you. If you are not a virgin, he gets suspicious whenever you are around other men.

3. Keeping your virginity is a test of patience. If you pass, it means you can abstain from many capital sins. In the contrary, if you commit zina once, it means you can do other things as well.

4. Allah is surely happy and pleased with a virgin, because she upholds the integrity of other women. So Allah will surely reward you and bless you for your piety.

5. Last but not the least. Don't trust those men who buy iPhone for you for your virginity. Don't trust those men who pay your dowry and have sex before nikah. Don't trust those men who promise you marriage if you sleep with them. Your virginity is a gift, lose it only to your sunnah partner, ie husband. 

Let's understand the following:

1. Scholars of shariah agreed that not all women are born virgins. Some even lose it during their transition from puberty to adulthood, probably due to certain activities such as horse riding, sports, rough play etc.

2. Also, scholars agreed that not all virgins pass out blood on their first night. So when you don't see blood, it might be she isn't the type that pass out blood on her first intimacy.

How do you handle invirginity issues before marriage?

1. Some women frequently ask this question - Should they tell their fiancees about their virginity or not?

The answer is this...

You need not to tell your boyfriend that you are not a virgin even if he asked. The reason is because the committed sin is between you and Allah. And Allah does not want people who spell out their sins to fellow humans. Simply get angry and leave angrily without a reply. Tell me how dare he question your integrity like that. Never let the topic out again.

If you tell him, he might reject you, and he might expose you to others. And that is exactly why scholars like Shaikh Ibn Baz, Ibn Qusaimin, Shaikh Assim Alhakeem advised against sharing it. If you get married, you figure it out.

Many men who despise non virgins are not virgins themselves. Because if men were to be given a sign on their forehead, then 7 out of 10 men will have that symbol. So it is unfair to stigmatise a lady for not being virgins when you are not too. So be fair.

Here in Malaysia, once in a while women call  and ask for these tighteners. I feel it is better not to lose it in the first place than to look for creams and herbs that fix virginity.

Thanks for reading.

Assaalam Alaikum.

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