﷽
*Let's Change Our Mindsets About Marriage*
*Episode 85*
*WIFE & HUSBAND's FAULT*
➖FIRST QUESTION
How can one over come hot temper and frequent anger?
And what does Allah says about cheating In marriage and how can one stop hubby from cheating.. A sister ask me that, she satisfy the hubby but seeing him cheat make her to misbehave by talking to him anyhow atimes? Thanks in anticipation.
*ANSWER*
بسم الله الرحمان الرحيم
✅ How to Control Your Anger in Islam
It might be surprising to know that Islam has rulings about getting angry.. However,,, it is considered one of the evil whispers )(or waswas)) of Shaytaan,, the devil... While angry,, It can lead to many bad events, such as doing or saying something without realizing the consequence🤷♂.
There are many narrations from the Prophet (peace be upon him) explaining what should be done when one gets angry.. This article will help you control your anger according to the Sunnah (inshaaAllah):👇
Step 1⃣ Seek refuge in Allāh.
This is the simplest way to control your anger.. Whenever you feel angry, say "A'ŪDHU BILLAAHI MINASH-SHAITHANIR RAJEEM" ,, then sit down,, or sit down and seek refuge in Allah from Shaytaan... Then have a drink of water, and relax🤷♂; don't get tense or stressed out and start reacting negatively.
✍ The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, 👉🏻 "If a man gets angry and says, ‘I seek refuge with Allaah,’ [and] his anger will go away."
✍ Sulayman ibn Sard said: "I was sitting with the Prophet (peace be upon him), and two men were slandering one another.. One of them was red in the face, and the veins on his neck were standing out.. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, 👉🏻‘I know a word which,, if he were to say it,, what he feels would go away.. If he said "I seek refuge with Allaah from the Shaytaan," what he feels (i.e., his anger) would go away."
Step 2⃣ Keep silent. If someone says something offensive to you, don't retaliate and say something back.
If you're having an argument,, be the better person,, realize that nothing good comes out of petty arguments,, and keep silent😷. When one is angry,, they often lose self-control,, and may utter words they later regret🤷♂.
✍ The Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) said: 👉🏻 "If any of you becomes angry, let him keep silent😷."
Step 3⃣ Relax yourself.
If you get angry,, please move away from the source of anger,, and sit down.. If you still feel angry,, lie down., Try to think of positive thoughts,, instead of dwelling on thoughts that make you angry... Breathe in through your nose 👃 and out through your mouth👄, and try to get peace of mind.. If you're standing,, you may,, again, out of anger,, do something you regret, such as hitting someone or making regrettable statements.
✍ The Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) said: "If any of you becomes angry and he is standing,, let him sit down,, so his anger will go away; if it does not go away,, let him lie down."
If the anger still does not go away, make wudu (ablution).
Step 4⃣ Understand what makes you angry.
It may be ur husband/wife or someone at work or at school that you find annoying or rude; instead of getting angry,, kindly speak to them... Nothing good comes out of shouting at each other🤷♂. It's been narrated that, "Whoever controls his anger at the time when he has the means to act upon it,, Allaah will fill his heart with contentment on the Day of Resurrection😳. Yes.". The cure to anger is avoiding its causes.
Step 5⃣ Know that those who control their anger are praised.
This should serve as a motivator to control ur anger,, each time it strikes.. Those people are given a high status and are praised in several ahadeeth:
✍ The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: 👉🏻 "The strong man is not the one who can overpower others (in wrestling)😀; rather, the strong man is the one who controls himself when he gets angry.😳" Yes.. ✅ "The strongest man is the one who,, when he gets angry and his face reddens and his hackles rise,, is able to defeat his anger." ✅ "The man who, when he is mistreated by another, controls his anger, has defeated his own shaytaan and the shaytaan of the one who made him angry."
Step 6⃣ Realize the bad consequences of getting angry.
In extreme situations, anger can lead to family breakups or someone getting seriously injured😳. Yes..It can be linked to mental issues 😀 or lead to health problems such as a high blood pressure or tachycardia🙆🏻♀.
Step 7⃣ Make du'a.
Supplication humbles us and can help us control our anger... Yes.. There are many du'as for people who find themselves getting worked up easily as a result of waswas🤷♂. For example:
✅ A-oo-dhoo bi-ka-li-maa till-laa-hit taaam-ma-ti min gha-da-bi-hee wa i-qaa-bi-hee wa shari ibaa-dih. Wa min hama-zaa-tish shayaa-teen. Wa ayy-yah dhu-roon.
اعواذ بكلمات الله تامات من غضبه وعقبه وشرعباده ومن حمذات الشياطين وان يحضروان
"I seek refuge in Allah's perfect words from His anger and punishment, from the evil of His slaves, and from Satan's whispers and presence."
✅ Laa ilaa haa il-laa an-ta subh-haa-na-ka in-nee kunn-tu minadh-dhaa li-meen.
لااله الا انت سبحانك اني كنت من الظالمين
"There is no God but you. May You be exalted. Indeed, I was among the wrong-doers."
*➖SECOND QUESTION*
How can one over come hot temper and frequent anger?
And what does Allah says about cheating In marriage and how can one stop hubby from cheating.. A sister ask me that, she satisfy the hubby but seeing him cheat make her to misbehave by talking to him anyhow atimes?. Thanks in anticipation
*ANSWER*
Going through your spouse's 📲 phone [[husband/wife]] to check for what comes in and goes out will give u nothing but HYPERTENSION😀.. How many times did we see someone mistakenly calling our line❓And u will see that person,, calling continuously,, thinking that it's a contact of someone he/she knows😀.. So.. I'm advising couples to be wise and surrender what comes in and goes out of their spouse's 📲 phone.. Especially the wives,, should ignore what comes in and goes out of their Oga's phone.. Yes.. Bcos, many things they (the wife) will see in their husband's phone📲,, may go contrary with the way they may TRANSLATE it 😀.. And bcos of the ego in men,, they may not like to explain what happens and will pick it as an offence for u to question them😀.
Secondly
If i understand what u mean by - "CHEATING IN MARRIAGE" & "TRYING UR BEST,, BUT STILL SEEING HIM CHEAT" to mean that,, ur Oga is having an ILLEGAL affair with a woman/lady,, Ok... I have a question for you:
❓ "DID U SEE 👀 HIM HAVING SEX WITH THE WOMAN/LADY❓or is it just a mere SUSPICION bcos u saw him standing taking to a lady or on phone 📲 answering calls or chatting with a lady❓If it's just a mere suspicion,, then,, I'm advising that u give urself a peace of mind by surrendering this behaviour,, as it's not ONLY INJURIOUS to ur health,, but it's also Islamically prohibited.
Many house wives today have developed HYPERTENSION bcos of a disease called suspicion that have no basis😀.. They are pushing harder to sending themselves,, into early GRAVE for a woman who is not yet married into the family,, all the name of what I called BASELESS JEALOUSY😀.. Yes... Such house wives keeps DRYING UP bcos they can not longer eat food😀
✅Suspicious Women
Quote from the Holy Qur'an: Al-Hujuraat (49:12)
يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ ٱجْتَنِبُوا۟ كَثِيرًا مِّنَ ٱلظَّنِّ إِنَّ بَعْضَ ٱلظَّنِّ إِثْمٌ ۖ وَلَا تَجَسَّسُوا۟ وَلَا يَغْتَب بَّعْضُكُم بَعْضًا......
O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption and avoid suspicion.. Indeed, some assumption and suspicion is sin... And do not spy......
NOW......
It is not wrong if a woman is watchful of her husband,, but only if it does not exceed to a state of suspicion and mistrust🤷♂. Yes.. Suspicion is a destructive and incurable illness.. Unfortunately some women are affected by this disease.
A woman of suspicion imagines that her husband is,, lawfully or unlawfully, disloyal to her.. She imagines that he is married to another woman or that he is going to marry her😀. She suspects him of having an affair with another woman... She loses trust in him because he comes home late or he was seen talking to a woman either on phone 📲 or face-to-face... If he helps any lady/woman,,, the wife may think that he has an interest in her,, other than a charitable one🤷♂. If any woman gives her husband a compliment,, saying that he is handsome or well-mannered,, she concludes that he is interested in that woman or the woman is interested in him😀. Yes.. Such women with these thoughts and inconclusive proof gradually assume certainty regarding their husbands' unfaithfulness.
They think about it every day and night.. Some could not even eat😀. They also tell others,, friends and foes about it,, who, in the name of sympathy,, reinforce the allegations 😀 and in turn tell the concerned women about other unfaithful men👯♂. Arguments and rows start to take shape.. The woman begins to ignore the affairs of the house and the children and might even go to her parents😀. She would monitor him and search his pockets,, or secretly monitor his phone📲 (who call him and people he called or chat with).. She would read his letters & chats and would explain any trivial matter as due to his unfaithfulness.
NOW.....
There's is CLEAR DIFFERENCE between the 2 types of affairs men 👯♂ have with ladies/women 👭 depending on the intention:
1⃣ "Use and dump" - intention;
2⃣ "Marriage " - intention.
✅ If the intention is for marriage,, there's NO SIN Islamically,, if your Oga is having an affair with a lady or 2 ladies😀.. Maybe,, he is trying to SENSOR one out of the 2 ladies😀,, which will be better if chosen.. But even on this intention,, there should be NO SEX before marriage🤷♂.. Yes.. And that does not mean that,, he did not appreciate all u are doing (as his wife) to SATISFYING him😀.. Yes.. Every man u see on 🌐 earth is polygamous😜.. Yes..The way it's difficult to see someone saying - "I'M SATISFIED WITH NAIRA & DOLLARS.. SO,, I DON'T NEED IT ANYMORE🤷♂".. The way it's impossible to see someone like this,,, so also it's very difficult to see a man saying - he is satisfied with one Wife🤪.. Yes.. This is true.. And maybe,, this is why Allah gives men 👯♂the strength and energy to marry more than one wife🤷♂.
✅ Men are naturally created to have passion for women👭BUT in halal way😀: 👉🏻 from the Holy Qur'an: Aal-i-Imraan (3:14)
زُيِّنَ لِلنَّاسِ حُبُّ ٱلشَّهَوَٰتِ مِنَ ٱلنِّسَآءِ وَٱلْبَنِينَ ......
Beautified for people is the love of that which they desire - of women and sons.......
✅ And bcos of the way Allah (Sub-haanahu wata'aala) destined,, that,, there will come a time,, when the population of females will OUTWEIGH that of males,, if every man should STICK to ONLY ONE wife,, who will marry the SURPLUS population of the single ladies,, divorcees and widows❓
BUT........
✅ If the intention is to -"USE & DUMP" - anything u see inside woman's SKIRT 😀 that comes around u as a man,, then...
(Copied)
*{To be continued In-sha-Allāh (If Allāh Wills)...}*
*"And keep reminding, because reminding benefits the believers."* (Qur-ān 51:55)
*Let's Change Our Mindsets About Marriage*
*Episode 85*
*WIFE & HUSBAND's FAULT*
➖FIRST QUESTION
How can one over come hot temper and frequent anger?
And what does Allah says about cheating In marriage and how can one stop hubby from cheating.. A sister ask me that, she satisfy the hubby but seeing him cheat make her to misbehave by talking to him anyhow atimes? Thanks in anticipation.
*ANSWER*
بسم الله الرحمان الرحيم
✅ How to Control Your Anger in Islam
It might be surprising to know that Islam has rulings about getting angry.. However,,, it is considered one of the evil whispers )(or waswas)) of Shaytaan,, the devil... While angry,, It can lead to many bad events, such as doing or saying something without realizing the consequence🤷♂.
There are many narrations from the Prophet (peace be upon him) explaining what should be done when one gets angry.. This article will help you control your anger according to the Sunnah (inshaaAllah):👇
Step 1⃣ Seek refuge in Allāh.
This is the simplest way to control your anger.. Whenever you feel angry, say "A'ŪDHU BILLAAHI MINASH-SHAITHANIR RAJEEM" ,, then sit down,, or sit down and seek refuge in Allah from Shaytaan... Then have a drink of water, and relax🤷♂; don't get tense or stressed out and start reacting negatively.
✍ The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, 👉🏻 "If a man gets angry and says, ‘I seek refuge with Allaah,’ [and] his anger will go away."
✍ Sulayman ibn Sard said: "I was sitting with the Prophet (peace be upon him), and two men were slandering one another.. One of them was red in the face, and the veins on his neck were standing out.. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, 👉🏻‘I know a word which,, if he were to say it,, what he feels would go away.. If he said "I seek refuge with Allaah from the Shaytaan," what he feels (i.e., his anger) would go away."
Step 2⃣ Keep silent. If someone says something offensive to you, don't retaliate and say something back.
If you're having an argument,, be the better person,, realize that nothing good comes out of petty arguments,, and keep silent😷. When one is angry,, they often lose self-control,, and may utter words they later regret🤷♂.
✍ The Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) said: 👉🏻 "If any of you becomes angry, let him keep silent😷."
Step 3⃣ Relax yourself.
If you get angry,, please move away from the source of anger,, and sit down.. If you still feel angry,, lie down., Try to think of positive thoughts,, instead of dwelling on thoughts that make you angry... Breathe in through your nose 👃 and out through your mouth👄, and try to get peace of mind.. If you're standing,, you may,, again, out of anger,, do something you regret, such as hitting someone or making regrettable statements.
✍ The Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) said: "If any of you becomes angry and he is standing,, let him sit down,, so his anger will go away; if it does not go away,, let him lie down."
If the anger still does not go away, make wudu (ablution).
Step 4⃣ Understand what makes you angry.
It may be ur husband/wife or someone at work or at school that you find annoying or rude; instead of getting angry,, kindly speak to them... Nothing good comes out of shouting at each other🤷♂. It's been narrated that, "Whoever controls his anger at the time when he has the means to act upon it,, Allaah will fill his heart with contentment on the Day of Resurrection😳. Yes.". The cure to anger is avoiding its causes.
Step 5⃣ Know that those who control their anger are praised.
This should serve as a motivator to control ur anger,, each time it strikes.. Those people are given a high status and are praised in several ahadeeth:
✍ The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: 👉🏻 "The strong man is not the one who can overpower others (in wrestling)😀; rather, the strong man is the one who controls himself when he gets angry.😳" Yes.. ✅ "The strongest man is the one who,, when he gets angry and his face reddens and his hackles rise,, is able to defeat his anger." ✅ "The man who, when he is mistreated by another, controls his anger, has defeated his own shaytaan and the shaytaan of the one who made him angry."
Step 6⃣ Realize the bad consequences of getting angry.
In extreme situations, anger can lead to family breakups or someone getting seriously injured😳. Yes..It can be linked to mental issues 😀 or lead to health problems such as a high blood pressure or tachycardia🙆🏻♀.
Step 7⃣ Make du'a.
Supplication humbles us and can help us control our anger... Yes.. There are many du'as for people who find themselves getting worked up easily as a result of waswas🤷♂. For example:
✅ A-oo-dhoo bi-ka-li-maa till-laa-hit taaam-ma-ti min gha-da-bi-hee wa i-qaa-bi-hee wa shari ibaa-dih. Wa min hama-zaa-tish shayaa-teen. Wa ayy-yah dhu-roon.
اعواذ بكلمات الله تامات من غضبه وعقبه وشرعباده ومن حمذات الشياطين وان يحضروان
"I seek refuge in Allah's perfect words from His anger and punishment, from the evil of His slaves, and from Satan's whispers and presence."
✅ Laa ilaa haa il-laa an-ta subh-haa-na-ka in-nee kunn-tu minadh-dhaa li-meen.
لااله الا انت سبحانك اني كنت من الظالمين
"There is no God but you. May You be exalted. Indeed, I was among the wrong-doers."
*➖SECOND QUESTION*
How can one over come hot temper and frequent anger?
And what does Allah says about cheating In marriage and how can one stop hubby from cheating.. A sister ask me that, she satisfy the hubby but seeing him cheat make her to misbehave by talking to him anyhow atimes?. Thanks in anticipation
*ANSWER*
Going through your spouse's 📲 phone [[husband/wife]] to check for what comes in and goes out will give u nothing but HYPERTENSION😀.. How many times did we see someone mistakenly calling our line❓And u will see that person,, calling continuously,, thinking that it's a contact of someone he/she knows😀.. So.. I'm advising couples to be wise and surrender what comes in and goes out of their spouse's 📲 phone.. Especially the wives,, should ignore what comes in and goes out of their Oga's phone.. Yes.. Bcos, many things they (the wife) will see in their husband's phone📲,, may go contrary with the way they may TRANSLATE it 😀.. And bcos of the ego in men,, they may not like to explain what happens and will pick it as an offence for u to question them😀.
Secondly
If i understand what u mean by - "CHEATING IN MARRIAGE" & "TRYING UR BEST,, BUT STILL SEEING HIM CHEAT" to mean that,, ur Oga is having an ILLEGAL affair with a woman/lady,, Ok... I have a question for you:
❓ "DID U SEE 👀 HIM HAVING SEX WITH THE WOMAN/LADY❓or is it just a mere SUSPICION bcos u saw him standing taking to a lady or on phone 📲 answering calls or chatting with a lady❓If it's just a mere suspicion,, then,, I'm advising that u give urself a peace of mind by surrendering this behaviour,, as it's not ONLY INJURIOUS to ur health,, but it's also Islamically prohibited.
Many house wives today have developed HYPERTENSION bcos of a disease called suspicion that have no basis😀.. They are pushing harder to sending themselves,, into early GRAVE for a woman who is not yet married into the family,, all the name of what I called BASELESS JEALOUSY😀.. Yes... Such house wives keeps DRYING UP bcos they can not longer eat food😀
✅Suspicious Women
Quote from the Holy Qur'an: Al-Hujuraat (49:12)
يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ ٱجْتَنِبُوا۟ كَثِيرًا مِّنَ ٱلظَّنِّ إِنَّ بَعْضَ ٱلظَّنِّ إِثْمٌ ۖ وَلَا تَجَسَّسُوا۟ وَلَا يَغْتَب بَّعْضُكُم بَعْضًا......
O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption and avoid suspicion.. Indeed, some assumption and suspicion is sin... And do not spy......
NOW......
It is not wrong if a woman is watchful of her husband,, but only if it does not exceed to a state of suspicion and mistrust🤷♂. Yes.. Suspicion is a destructive and incurable illness.. Unfortunately some women are affected by this disease.
A woman of suspicion imagines that her husband is,, lawfully or unlawfully, disloyal to her.. She imagines that he is married to another woman or that he is going to marry her😀. She suspects him of having an affair with another woman... She loses trust in him because he comes home late or he was seen talking to a woman either on phone 📲 or face-to-face... If he helps any lady/woman,,, the wife may think that he has an interest in her,, other than a charitable one🤷♂. If any woman gives her husband a compliment,, saying that he is handsome or well-mannered,, she concludes that he is interested in that woman or the woman is interested in him😀. Yes.. Such women with these thoughts and inconclusive proof gradually assume certainty regarding their husbands' unfaithfulness.
They think about it every day and night.. Some could not even eat😀. They also tell others,, friends and foes about it,, who, in the name of sympathy,, reinforce the allegations 😀 and in turn tell the concerned women about other unfaithful men👯♂. Arguments and rows start to take shape.. The woman begins to ignore the affairs of the house and the children and might even go to her parents😀. She would monitor him and search his pockets,, or secretly monitor his phone📲 (who call him and people he called or chat with).. She would read his letters & chats and would explain any trivial matter as due to his unfaithfulness.
NOW.....
There's is CLEAR DIFFERENCE between the 2 types of affairs men 👯♂ have with ladies/women 👭 depending on the intention:
1⃣ "Use and dump" - intention;
2⃣ "Marriage " - intention.
✅ If the intention is for marriage,, there's NO SIN Islamically,, if your Oga is having an affair with a lady or 2 ladies😀.. Maybe,, he is trying to SENSOR one out of the 2 ladies😀,, which will be better if chosen.. But even on this intention,, there should be NO SEX before marriage🤷♂.. Yes.. And that does not mean that,, he did not appreciate all u are doing (as his wife) to SATISFYING him😀.. Yes.. Every man u see on 🌐 earth is polygamous😜.. Yes..The way it's difficult to see someone saying - "I'M SATISFIED WITH NAIRA & DOLLARS.. SO,, I DON'T NEED IT ANYMORE🤷♂".. The way it's impossible to see someone like this,,, so also it's very difficult to see a man saying - he is satisfied with one Wife🤪.. Yes.. This is true.. And maybe,, this is why Allah gives men 👯♂the strength and energy to marry more than one wife🤷♂.
✅ Men are naturally created to have passion for women👭BUT in halal way😀: 👉🏻 from the Holy Qur'an: Aal-i-Imraan (3:14)
زُيِّنَ لِلنَّاسِ حُبُّ ٱلشَّهَوَٰتِ مِنَ ٱلنِّسَآءِ وَٱلْبَنِينَ ......
Beautified for people is the love of that which they desire - of women and sons.......
✅ And bcos of the way Allah (Sub-haanahu wata'aala) destined,, that,, there will come a time,, when the population of females will OUTWEIGH that of males,, if every man should STICK to ONLY ONE wife,, who will marry the SURPLUS population of the single ladies,, divorcees and widows❓
BUT........
✅ If the intention is to -"USE & DUMP" - anything u see inside woman's SKIRT 😀 that comes around u as a man,, then...
(Copied)
*{To be continued In-sha-Allāh (If Allāh Wills)...}*
*"And keep reminding, because reminding benefits the believers."* (Qur-ān 51:55)
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