﷽
*Let's Change Our Mindsets About Marriage*
*Episode 97*
*SIGNS OF A DISRESPECTFUL HUSBAND*
One beautiful thing about Islam is it values the relationship between a husband and wife so much so that there is great saying of the Holy Prophet regarding the issue. Most of us knows the hadiths we either simply ignore them or we don't care about them and yet claim to love the holy Prophet. NAUZU BILLAH. In this series we will talk about those things which your husband does to disrespect you.
I won’t lie to you—no marriage is all rainbows and unicorns and it is anything but easy. What nobody tells you at the beginning is not to expect a fairy tale and that in marriage, you’ll have to compromise on some things you would never usually put up with.
However, there is one thing you shouldn’t even think about tolerating and that is having a disrespectful husband. You need to understand that there cannot exist love where there isn’t respect and that you can never build a healthy relationship with someone who doesn’t value you as a person or who belittles you in any way possible.
Nevertheless, sometimes you are the only one who doesn’t see the reality of your own marriage; the only one who doesn’t realize the truth and who fails to see that your husband doesn’t treat you right. That is why some of us (Aalims) are here to assist you by giving you advice. Here are these 13 eye-opening signs that you have a disrespectful husband.
1. HE ISN'T HONEST
One of the most important things in a marriage is complete honesty. Your marital partner should be your teammate and there is no place for lies in your relationship, even when the truth is harsh and tough.
Don’t get me wrong—the two of you have the right to your own privacy but in case your husband is hiding something from you, no matter how small that is, especially if it is something related to your marriage, it is a clear sign that he doesn’t respect you enough.
He doesn’t want to share all the parts of his life with you and he is doing that for a reason. This is definitely a sign of disrespect and you should be aware of that.
2. HE COMPARES YOU TO OTHER WOMEN
A man who compares you to other women doesn’t respect you. It doesn’t matter whether this woman is his ex or someone from his surroundings—he should never make you feel like you should compete for his attention against some other female.
Your husband should have eyes only for you and checking out other girls and especially commenting on their looks in your presence is never acceptable. In that way, he is just belittling you and making you feel bad. And that is definitely not a sign of a healthy and a happy relationship but a sign of a disrespectful husband.
3. HE NEVER HAS YOUR BACK
A good marriage is also a friendship. It is a vow that you and your partner will support each other, no matter what.
Nevertheless, this is not something your disrespectful husband ever does. No matter whether you are right or not, he never takes your side.
Instead, he thinks that others are always right and that you are wrong. He thinks that you are not smart enough to handle some difficult problems and he doesn’t find you reliable. If you see that your husband does something like this, you should know that you have a serious problem and that things can get worse if you don’t do something about it.
4. HE DOESN'T TAKE CARE OF YOUR NEEDS
When you get married, the first thing you have to forget about is selfishness. You can’t look out for your needs only while not giving a damn about your partner’s well-being. However, this is exactly what your disrespectful husband has been doing.
The most important thing is that he is fed, clothed and satisfied. And you? Well, he doesn’t even ask if you are okay or if you are too tired to prepare dinner after an exhausting day at work.
He just thinks of himself and his needs and doesn’t feel bad if you don’t feel good. Your relationship is not like it used to be and you shouldn’t tolerate this kind of behaviour.
5. HE IS NEVER READY TO COMPROMISE
If you feel that your husband makes all the important decisions in your marriage by himself and that he doesn’t ask you for your opinion, you should know that something is not right with your relationship. If he constantly makes things go his way, no matter what you have to say, it means that he doesn’t respect you.
And you should definitely do something about it because you don’t deserve that kind of treatment. No woman does.
6. HE DOESN'T LISTEN TO YOU
If your husband doesn’t listen to what you have to say, even if you are telling him something quite important, it means that he doesn’t respect you. He just wants you to stop talking because he finds you boring. When a couple gets to a stage like this, they should definitely find a solution to the problem because this is not a healthy relationship.
7. YOU ARE NOT HIS PRIORITY
If your husband cuts you out of his life and he spends more time with his friends, it means that he has no respect for you. He enjoys spending time with other people more than with you and you can’t make a deeper bond with him. Also, when the two of you spend some time together, you always fight, which is also a sign of disrespect.
Respect is very important in ay relationship be it at work at school everywhere respect is so important. But it is more important to give respect to your spouse the way you look at her the way you talk to her, makes her feel comfortable in the relationship. A happy wife is a happy home. Can you marry someone you not going to respect? Can you even marry someone you going to look down upon? If the answer to those is yes then that relationship is dead. Now the signs of a disrespectful husband continues at....
8. HE CRITICISES YOU
If you catch your husband criticizing you about your looks or some extra pounds that you gained, it is a sign of a disrespectful husband. If you don’t see a smile on his face when he says something like that and if he doesn’t kiss you afterward, it is a sign that he has done that deliberately. He wants you to feel bad and he is not ashamed to show this to you openly.
9. He never wants to help you
No matter whether you are just doing household chores or working on some difficult project for work, your partner won’t be there to help you. I am not saying that he has to have expertise in the field you are working in but he can help you by making you a cup of coffee or tea when you feel like you can’t do anymore and when you are tired.
If your husband doesn’t want to do that and he lets you do all the hard things alone, it means that he doesn’t respect you enough. And a man like this will never be the one who will make you happy and fulfilled.
10. HE IS TRYING TO CHANGE YOU
Respect is almost always connected with acceptance. When someone respects you, they respect and accept the person you are, with all of your flaws and imperfections, without trying to modify you. Don’t get me wrong—it is a great thing if you have a partner who inspires you to become better but that doesn’t mean that he is entitled to change the essence of who you are.
However, this is exactly what your husband is doing. He wants you to fit his imaginary standards and he is doing everything in his power to mold you his way, without taking your personality or individuality into consideration. If this is the case with your marriage, then it is more than clear that you are dealing with a disrespectful husband who tries to control all aspects of your life and personality.
11. HE DOESN'T CARE IF YOU ARE IN THE MOOD FOR SEX
Remember one thing—even when you are in a relationship or married, sex always has to be consensual. You are allowed to have personal boundaries that no one can or should cross.
That means that you have the right not to be in the mood for sex of any kind if you don’t feel like it. And it means that your partner has to respect that at all times.eg when you sick and have valid reasons and here please don't try to get me wrong the reasons must be Shari'ah compliant
Nevertheless, your disrespectful husband does anything but that. Instead, he pushes you to sleep with him even when you clearly tell him that you are not in the mood for sex. Also, when the two of you do sleep together, this man is only concerned with his needs—he never puts any effort in to satisfy you and he often treats you as nothing more than a sexual object.
12. HE ACTS AS IF HE IS ABOVE YOU
If you and your husband have children, you often feel like you are one of the kids instead of being an equal partner of your marriage. All your husband does is order you around and yell at you all the time, acting like you are subordinate to him in all ways.
This man rarely treats you like a partner. He questions every decision you make and consequently, he makes you doubt your own judgement-making skills.
It is more than obvious that he thinks of himself as smarter and more capable than you. At the same time, you are good for nothing and your opinions shouldn’t be taken into consideration. Even when he isn’t telling you this directly, it is more than clear that he doesn’t value you and doesn’t give you the place that belongs to you in this marriage.
13. HE TREATS YOU LIKE HIS MAID
When you come to think about it, you can’t remember the last time your husband did any chores around the house.(and the Holy Prophet used to help at home, I am talking about the Holy Prophet here) Even when he does something, like cleaning the table after himself, he does it after you ask him to.
Besides, he acts like he is helping you by doing a simple chore, as if he is not living in this household. This man obviously considers cooking and cleaning to be women’s duties and he doesn’t think of lifting finger to at least make things easier for you.
What you need to understand is that you are not this guy’s maid, servant, or cook, nor are you your children’s full-time nanny. This is your life, not your job, and you can’t be expected to work 24/7 while he doesn’t show any interest whatsoever in sharing household responsibilities.(as per Sunnah of our Prophet each and every man who follows this great Prophet will definitely follow in his footsteps in helping his wife to make things easier at home.
May Almighty Allah make it easy for me & you first to follow the Sunnah of our Prophet and fulfill all the home rights and may He make each and one of us to love the Sunnah of our beloved Prophet (Blessings and Peace of Allāh be upon him). Ameen
May Almighty Allah shower blessings on our marital relationship and keep Shaytaan very far away from our relationship. Ameen
Success comes from Allah and Almighty Allah knows best.
*{To be continued In-sha-Allāh (If Allāh Wills)...}*
*"And keep reminding, because reminding benefits the believers."* (Qur-ān 51:55)
*Let's Change Our Mindsets About Marriage*
*Episode 97*
*SIGNS OF A DISRESPECTFUL HUSBAND*
One beautiful thing about Islam is it values the relationship between a husband and wife so much so that there is great saying of the Holy Prophet regarding the issue. Most of us knows the hadiths we either simply ignore them or we don't care about them and yet claim to love the holy Prophet. NAUZU BILLAH. In this series we will talk about those things which your husband does to disrespect you.
I won’t lie to you—no marriage is all rainbows and unicorns and it is anything but easy. What nobody tells you at the beginning is not to expect a fairy tale and that in marriage, you’ll have to compromise on some things you would never usually put up with.
However, there is one thing you shouldn’t even think about tolerating and that is having a disrespectful husband. You need to understand that there cannot exist love where there isn’t respect and that you can never build a healthy relationship with someone who doesn’t value you as a person or who belittles you in any way possible.
Nevertheless, sometimes you are the only one who doesn’t see the reality of your own marriage; the only one who doesn’t realize the truth and who fails to see that your husband doesn’t treat you right. That is why some of us (Aalims) are here to assist you by giving you advice. Here are these 13 eye-opening signs that you have a disrespectful husband.
1. HE ISN'T HONEST
One of the most important things in a marriage is complete honesty. Your marital partner should be your teammate and there is no place for lies in your relationship, even when the truth is harsh and tough.
Don’t get me wrong—the two of you have the right to your own privacy but in case your husband is hiding something from you, no matter how small that is, especially if it is something related to your marriage, it is a clear sign that he doesn’t respect you enough.
He doesn’t want to share all the parts of his life with you and he is doing that for a reason. This is definitely a sign of disrespect and you should be aware of that.
2. HE COMPARES YOU TO OTHER WOMEN
A man who compares you to other women doesn’t respect you. It doesn’t matter whether this woman is his ex or someone from his surroundings—he should never make you feel like you should compete for his attention against some other female.
Your husband should have eyes only for you and checking out other girls and especially commenting on their looks in your presence is never acceptable. In that way, he is just belittling you and making you feel bad. And that is definitely not a sign of a healthy and a happy relationship but a sign of a disrespectful husband.
3. HE NEVER HAS YOUR BACK
A good marriage is also a friendship. It is a vow that you and your partner will support each other, no matter what.
Nevertheless, this is not something your disrespectful husband ever does. No matter whether you are right or not, he never takes your side.
Instead, he thinks that others are always right and that you are wrong. He thinks that you are not smart enough to handle some difficult problems and he doesn’t find you reliable. If you see that your husband does something like this, you should know that you have a serious problem and that things can get worse if you don’t do something about it.
4. HE DOESN'T TAKE CARE OF YOUR NEEDS
When you get married, the first thing you have to forget about is selfishness. You can’t look out for your needs only while not giving a damn about your partner’s well-being. However, this is exactly what your disrespectful husband has been doing.
The most important thing is that he is fed, clothed and satisfied. And you? Well, he doesn’t even ask if you are okay or if you are too tired to prepare dinner after an exhausting day at work.
He just thinks of himself and his needs and doesn’t feel bad if you don’t feel good. Your relationship is not like it used to be and you shouldn’t tolerate this kind of behaviour.
5. HE IS NEVER READY TO COMPROMISE
If you feel that your husband makes all the important decisions in your marriage by himself and that he doesn’t ask you for your opinion, you should know that something is not right with your relationship. If he constantly makes things go his way, no matter what you have to say, it means that he doesn’t respect you.
And you should definitely do something about it because you don’t deserve that kind of treatment. No woman does.
6. HE DOESN'T LISTEN TO YOU
If your husband doesn’t listen to what you have to say, even if you are telling him something quite important, it means that he doesn’t respect you. He just wants you to stop talking because he finds you boring. When a couple gets to a stage like this, they should definitely find a solution to the problem because this is not a healthy relationship.
7. YOU ARE NOT HIS PRIORITY
If your husband cuts you out of his life and he spends more time with his friends, it means that he has no respect for you. He enjoys spending time with other people more than with you and you can’t make a deeper bond with him. Also, when the two of you spend some time together, you always fight, which is also a sign of disrespect.
Respect is very important in ay relationship be it at work at school everywhere respect is so important. But it is more important to give respect to your spouse the way you look at her the way you talk to her, makes her feel comfortable in the relationship. A happy wife is a happy home. Can you marry someone you not going to respect? Can you even marry someone you going to look down upon? If the answer to those is yes then that relationship is dead. Now the signs of a disrespectful husband continues at....
8. HE CRITICISES YOU
If you catch your husband criticizing you about your looks or some extra pounds that you gained, it is a sign of a disrespectful husband. If you don’t see a smile on his face when he says something like that and if he doesn’t kiss you afterward, it is a sign that he has done that deliberately. He wants you to feel bad and he is not ashamed to show this to you openly.
9. He never wants to help you
No matter whether you are just doing household chores or working on some difficult project for work, your partner won’t be there to help you. I am not saying that he has to have expertise in the field you are working in but he can help you by making you a cup of coffee or tea when you feel like you can’t do anymore and when you are tired.
If your husband doesn’t want to do that and he lets you do all the hard things alone, it means that he doesn’t respect you enough. And a man like this will never be the one who will make you happy and fulfilled.
10. HE IS TRYING TO CHANGE YOU
Respect is almost always connected with acceptance. When someone respects you, they respect and accept the person you are, with all of your flaws and imperfections, without trying to modify you. Don’t get me wrong—it is a great thing if you have a partner who inspires you to become better but that doesn’t mean that he is entitled to change the essence of who you are.
However, this is exactly what your husband is doing. He wants you to fit his imaginary standards and he is doing everything in his power to mold you his way, without taking your personality or individuality into consideration. If this is the case with your marriage, then it is more than clear that you are dealing with a disrespectful husband who tries to control all aspects of your life and personality.
11. HE DOESN'T CARE IF YOU ARE IN THE MOOD FOR SEX
Remember one thing—even when you are in a relationship or married, sex always has to be consensual. You are allowed to have personal boundaries that no one can or should cross.
That means that you have the right not to be in the mood for sex of any kind if you don’t feel like it. And it means that your partner has to respect that at all times.eg when you sick and have valid reasons and here please don't try to get me wrong the reasons must be Shari'ah compliant
Nevertheless, your disrespectful husband does anything but that. Instead, he pushes you to sleep with him even when you clearly tell him that you are not in the mood for sex. Also, when the two of you do sleep together, this man is only concerned with his needs—he never puts any effort in to satisfy you and he often treats you as nothing more than a sexual object.
12. HE ACTS AS IF HE IS ABOVE YOU
If you and your husband have children, you often feel like you are one of the kids instead of being an equal partner of your marriage. All your husband does is order you around and yell at you all the time, acting like you are subordinate to him in all ways.
This man rarely treats you like a partner. He questions every decision you make and consequently, he makes you doubt your own judgement-making skills.
It is more than obvious that he thinks of himself as smarter and more capable than you. At the same time, you are good for nothing and your opinions shouldn’t be taken into consideration. Even when he isn’t telling you this directly, it is more than clear that he doesn’t value you and doesn’t give you the place that belongs to you in this marriage.
13. HE TREATS YOU LIKE HIS MAID
When you come to think about it, you can’t remember the last time your husband did any chores around the house.(and the Holy Prophet used to help at home, I am talking about the Holy Prophet here) Even when he does something, like cleaning the table after himself, he does it after you ask him to.
Besides, he acts like he is helping you by doing a simple chore, as if he is not living in this household. This man obviously considers cooking and cleaning to be women’s duties and he doesn’t think of lifting finger to at least make things easier for you.
What you need to understand is that you are not this guy’s maid, servant, or cook, nor are you your children’s full-time nanny. This is your life, not your job, and you can’t be expected to work 24/7 while he doesn’t show any interest whatsoever in sharing household responsibilities.(as per Sunnah of our Prophet each and every man who follows this great Prophet will definitely follow in his footsteps in helping his wife to make things easier at home.
May Almighty Allah make it easy for me & you first to follow the Sunnah of our Prophet and fulfill all the home rights and may He make each and one of us to love the Sunnah of our beloved Prophet (Blessings and Peace of Allāh be upon him). Ameen
May Almighty Allah shower blessings on our marital relationship and keep Shaytaan very far away from our relationship. Ameen
Success comes from Allah and Almighty Allah knows best.
*{To be continued In-sha-Allāh (If Allāh Wills)...}*
*"And keep reminding, because reminding benefits the believers."* (Qur-ān 51:55)
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