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*Let's Change Our Mindsets About Marriage*
*Episode 91*
*15 WAYS TO CORRECT YOUR WIFE WITHOUT HURTING HER*
Many men hurt their wives in the name of correction. They speak harshly; they approach rashly and they can be very brutal.
Lots of women are living their lives in bitterness and anger due to the careless ways their husbands have been talking to them over time.
Here, you will be able to know the right ways to talk to your wife without hurting her:
1. LOWER THE TONE OF YOUR VOICE:
Don’t shout at her, she is not your housemaid or your child. Correct her with a calm tone in love.
2. DO IT IN LOVE:
Correction should be done in love. If done in any other way, it turns to criticism and condemnation.
3. DON’T CRITICIZE:
Stop criticizing her. Rather, correct in love. Many will say it's constructive criticism. It means disapproval by pointing out errors and mistakes. Correction is the act of offering better options to mistakes. Correction and criticism are never the same.
Husband A says, "What manner of food is this?" "Is this popcorn or fried rice?" "How I wish I married a more sensible wife with better home training and who can cook better."
Husband B says, "Sweetheart this rice is too salty and dry, unlike the one you did yesterday. I think the salt level should be reduced any other time because of our health."
Husband A criticized, Husband B corrected his wife in love. Stop criticizing your wife.
4. PRAISE HER FOR WHAT IS RIGHT:
It will be wrong to correct when it’s not well done. Form the habit of praising and appreciating your wife for good deeds.
5. DON’T DO IT BEFORE YOUR CHILDREN:
Avoid correcting your wife in the presence of your children. Incessant correction of your wife before your children will make them disrespect her.
6. DON’T CORRECT HER IN THE PUBLIC:
Avoid correcting your wife in the public, it does not show you as a gentleman. It will also affect her self-esteem.
7. AVOID CORRECTION IN ANGER:
Stop correcting your wife in anger, shouting, ranting, beating and making trouble. Real men don’t do that.
8. DON’T COMPARE HER WITH ANY OTHER WOMAN:
In your thought of correcting her, you might have been comparing her with other women. “Don’t you see what your friend is doing?”
“Can’t you learn from our neighbour's wife?”
This is very wrong, no woman loves to be compared with others, stop it.
9. AVOID REFERRING TO OLD ISSUES:
Avoid referring to issues discussed and settled. Stick to the present issue, discuss like adults and move on.
10. DON’T ATTACK HER WOMANHOOD:
Don't say, "And you call yourself a woman?" "Virtuous women don’t behave like this, you better change before I change you." This is very wrong, don’t do it.
11. DON’T ATTACK HER DIGNITY:
Don't say, "You don’t behave like someone with sense, do you think at all?" "And you said you went to school, I doubt it." Don't talk like this to your wife, it is wrong!
12. DON’T ATTACK HER WOMANHOOD:
Men are fond of attacking their wives’ womanhood anytime they make mistakes. Don't say things like, "I don’t blame you, you are just a woman" "Women are not known to be wise"
This is very wrong. Science has proved that men's brain works just like the brain of women. Men are not necessarily wiser than women, wisdom is not about gender.
13. DO IT IN TIME OF PEACE:
Most husbands want to correct in the heat of anger, at the height of misunderstanding, when temper has already hit the roof. That is not the best time to correct; it will yield little or no result.
14. GIVE A HELPING HAND:
The best way to correct is to lead by example. Step into the kitchen to give a helping hand, don’t just sit in front of the television correcting what goes on in the kitchen. Wives are doing a great job. Appreciate yours and support her to be a better wife and mother.
15. DON'T ATTACK HER PARENTS:
Never insult her parents in her presence. Don't say, "You are as bad as your parents." It is very wrong. It may even kill and destroy your marriage. You must respect her parents the way you respect and value yours. Her parents are also your parents.
*{To be continued In-sha-Allāh (If Allāh Wills)...}*
*"And keep reminding, because reminding benefits the believers."* (Qur-ān 51:55)
*Let's Change Our Mindsets About Marriage*
*Episode 91*
*15 WAYS TO CORRECT YOUR WIFE WITHOUT HURTING HER*
Many men hurt their wives in the name of correction. They speak harshly; they approach rashly and they can be very brutal.
Lots of women are living their lives in bitterness and anger due to the careless ways their husbands have been talking to them over time.
Here, you will be able to know the right ways to talk to your wife without hurting her:
1. LOWER THE TONE OF YOUR VOICE:
Don’t shout at her, she is not your housemaid or your child. Correct her with a calm tone in love.
2. DO IT IN LOVE:
Correction should be done in love. If done in any other way, it turns to criticism and condemnation.
3. DON’T CRITICIZE:
Stop criticizing her. Rather, correct in love. Many will say it's constructive criticism. It means disapproval by pointing out errors and mistakes. Correction is the act of offering better options to mistakes. Correction and criticism are never the same.
Husband A says, "What manner of food is this?" "Is this popcorn or fried rice?" "How I wish I married a more sensible wife with better home training and who can cook better."
Husband B says, "Sweetheart this rice is too salty and dry, unlike the one you did yesterday. I think the salt level should be reduced any other time because of our health."
Husband A criticized, Husband B corrected his wife in love. Stop criticizing your wife.
4. PRAISE HER FOR WHAT IS RIGHT:
It will be wrong to correct when it’s not well done. Form the habit of praising and appreciating your wife for good deeds.
5. DON’T DO IT BEFORE YOUR CHILDREN:
Avoid correcting your wife in the presence of your children. Incessant correction of your wife before your children will make them disrespect her.
6. DON’T CORRECT HER IN THE PUBLIC:
Avoid correcting your wife in the public, it does not show you as a gentleman. It will also affect her self-esteem.
7. AVOID CORRECTION IN ANGER:
Stop correcting your wife in anger, shouting, ranting, beating and making trouble. Real men don’t do that.
8. DON’T COMPARE HER WITH ANY OTHER WOMAN:
In your thought of correcting her, you might have been comparing her with other women. “Don’t you see what your friend is doing?”
“Can’t you learn from our neighbour's wife?”
This is very wrong, no woman loves to be compared with others, stop it.
9. AVOID REFERRING TO OLD ISSUES:
Avoid referring to issues discussed and settled. Stick to the present issue, discuss like adults and move on.
10. DON’T ATTACK HER WOMANHOOD:
Don't say, "And you call yourself a woman?" "Virtuous women don’t behave like this, you better change before I change you." This is very wrong, don’t do it.
11. DON’T ATTACK HER DIGNITY:
Don't say, "You don’t behave like someone with sense, do you think at all?" "And you said you went to school, I doubt it." Don't talk like this to your wife, it is wrong!
12. DON’T ATTACK HER WOMANHOOD:
Men are fond of attacking their wives’ womanhood anytime they make mistakes. Don't say things like, "I don’t blame you, you are just a woman" "Women are not known to be wise"
This is very wrong. Science has proved that men's brain works just like the brain of women. Men are not necessarily wiser than women, wisdom is not about gender.
13. DO IT IN TIME OF PEACE:
Most husbands want to correct in the heat of anger, at the height of misunderstanding, when temper has already hit the roof. That is not the best time to correct; it will yield little or no result.
14. GIVE A HELPING HAND:
The best way to correct is to lead by example. Step into the kitchen to give a helping hand, don’t just sit in front of the television correcting what goes on in the kitchen. Wives are doing a great job. Appreciate yours and support her to be a better wife and mother.
15. DON'T ATTACK HER PARENTS:
Never insult her parents in her presence. Don't say, "You are as bad as your parents." It is very wrong. It may even kill and destroy your marriage. You must respect her parents the way you respect and value yours. Her parents are also your parents.
*{To be continued In-sha-Allāh (If Allāh Wills)...}*
*"And keep reminding, because reminding benefits the believers."* (Qur-ān 51:55)
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