Let's Change Our Mindsets About Marriage Episode 302 Principles In Familial Stability

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*Let's Change Our Mindsets About Marriage*

*Episode 302*

*Principles In Familial Stability*

*2. The Second Principle: Knowing the rights and obligations between the spouses is a tremendous means to happiness.*

If a person fulfilled that which is upon him of

obligations and took that which is for him of rights

without transgression or injustice, then no doubt that

this is from the tremendous means to happiness in the

family, rather in the entire society as a whole—but our

speech here is regarding the family and its stability.

There are obligations upon the husband and

obligations upon the wife; there are rights the husband

has, and there are rights the wife has, which if the two

spouses held onto [and fulfilled] would be from the

greatest means through which their lives stabilize. And

the fulfilling of obligations and taking of rights is —first

and foremost— a way for seeking nearness to Allah —

glorified and exalted be He—; A woman fulfills the

obligation that is upon her and does not try to evade or

free herself from this obligation. The husband, likewise,

knows what is upon him of obligations towards his wife

[and] towards his children regarding the affair of

expenditure, housing, clothing... He knows what is upon

him regarding the manner in how he lives with his wife,

and he, likewise, strives not to evade these obligations.

And here is an important affair: Some men and women

go to some Muftis (deliverer of formal legal opinions in

religion), and they ask this Mufti a question structured

according to what they desire as an answer, so the Mufti

gives them an answer based on what he heard from

them—they may have hidden a lot of facts and

information during that. [But] the answer of a Mufti —as

is known— does not make that which is haram

(Prohibited) halal (Permissible), nor does it make that

which is halal haram, and so they should not be happy

that this is the answer of the Mufti, or that they have

sought a fatwa (formal legal opinion) in this issue while

they know deep down that they concealed a lot of facts

and information. Hence, the affair here is being mindful

of Allah’s —glorified and exalted be He— watch over you.

Fulfill that which is upon you of obligations and strive

and be diligent regarding taking your rights, while being

lenient, pardoning, and forgiving if the other person falls

short [regarding their obligations], and this is what

speech about will follow with the permission of Allah. 

And so, from the greatest means of non-stability in the

family is ignorance of the obligations and rights! 

If a person is ignorant of the obligations that are upon

him, then no doubt this will lead to disruption, splitting

apart, and disaffection. Many husbands complain about

not having his rights given to him; the wives complain

about the husband not fulfilling that which is obligatory

upon him towards his children, his wife, his family, the

affair of expenditure, or other than that. You, when you

fulfill the obligation upon you, you are firstly seeking

through it nearness to Allah, who said in the Qudsi

Hadith: “And the most beloved things with which My

slave comes nearer to Me is what I have enjoined upon

him”. [Bukhari, 6502]

These obligatory affairs are required, therefore, the

scholars have said —and the benefit that can be derived

from this hadith is—: that fulfilling obligations is the most

beloved of actions to Allah. And from the greatest of

obligations also is: abandoning evil deeds and violations,

and from the evil deeds is: not fulfilling the obligations.

For verily, not fulfilling obligations is haram (Prohibited), it

is an act of disobedience because Allah obligated upon

His slaves the abandonment of evil deeds and the

fulfilling of obligations. Hence, it has been narrated from

Umar —may Allah be pleased with him and please him—

that he said: “The best of actions is fulfilling what Allah

has obligated, and cautiously safeguarding oneself from

what Allah has made forbidden, and having a good

intention regarding that which is with Allah”