Let's Change Our Mindsets About Marriage Episode 303 Principles In Familial Stability

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*Let's Change Our Mindsets About Marriage*

*Episode 303*

*Principles In Familial Stability*

*3. The Third Principle, and it is related to the start and formation of the familial life: Making a good selection (of the spouse) is a means for continuation.*

A good selection is a matter of utmost importance,

hence it has been mentioned in the hadith: "A woman is

married for four (things), i.e. for her wealth, her family

status, her beauty, and her religion, so choose the one

who is religious, may your hands be rubbed with dust

(prosper)”. [Bukhari, 5090]

The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said: "The world is but a (quick passing)

enjoyment, and the best enjoyment of the world is a

pious and virtuous woman”. [Muslim, 1469]

He صلى الله عليه وسلم said in his advice to the women: "If there comes

to you one with whose character and religious

commitment you are pleased, then marry (your

daughter or female relative under your care) to him, for if

you do not do that there will be Fitnah in the land and

widespread corruption." [At-Tirmidhi, 1967]

And a righteous woman is from the happiness [of a

person]; it has come in the hadith: ”And from happiness

is: a righteous women, you see her and she pleases you,

and if you are absent from her you trust her in regards to

herself and your wealth”.

The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said: "Marry women who are beloved

(due to their good characteristics), prolific in bearing

children, for I shall outnumber the Prophets by you on

the Day of Resurrection". [Abu Dawud, 2050]

He صلى الله عليه وسلم said: “Let one of you take a grateful heart, and a

tongue that remembers (Allah), and a believing wife that

aides one of you in the affair of the Hereafter”. 

This is how a family should be built. The greatest affair

the two spouses pay attention to before their selection

is: the affair of religion, Al-Istiqamah (steadfastness), and

Al-Akhlaaq (good character), and here will be the

beginning of the establishment with a correct

foundation. That is why if a person wanted to enter into a

business, [he chooses his partner with utmost caution

and importance], and perhaps this business will not last

and he might remain with his companion 5,6, 10, or 20

years only, [whilst on the other hand] the familial life is

normally a life that is meant to be permanent, long-

lasting and stable, and add to it that which results from it

of children and tremendous responsibilities. Hence, a

husband’s selection of his wife and a wife’s selection of

her husband should be severer than the choosing of a

partner for his [business] partner.

But here are some important matters, from amongst

them is what some people seek of characteristics that

hardly exist except in Hoor al’yeen (Women of Jannah);

excessiveness in stipulations, and similarly women being

excessive in her stipulations. If Allah —glorified and

exalted be He— gave you tawfeeq towards [marrying] a

religious woman, along with what pleases you of her

beauty, then this a desired affair, and perhaps when you

abandoned many criteria that the people concerned

with the worldly life give importance to, Allah —glorified

and exalted be He— blessed you in your wife, and

similarly the woman, Allah blessed you in your husband.

And so, we look into what is the correct criteria in

choosing [a spouse], because this is from the greatest

means to having a long-lasting, stable relationship, and

that which will be an aid upon the obedience of Allah —

glorified and exalted be He—, and along with

cooperation between the spouses in virtue,

righteousness, and piety. 

For if the woman was diligent in protecting herself

(chastity), the affair of her prayers, her fasting, and she

does not let go of the Book of her Lord —glorified and

exalted be He—, then she is from the best of women. It’s

not mandatory that she has memorized mutoon (Islamic

books) and read from lengthy detailed books and suchlike, rather [it is enough that] she safeguards

herself, her religion, her husband, and takes care of his

affairs, his wealth, and his house, for no doubt that this

from the greatest affairs sought in a woman. 

Similarly [when it comes to] the husband, a woman

chooses a husband that is a person of Religion and

good character, [as has been mentioned in the hadith]: ”If

there comes to you one with whose character and

religious commitment you are pleased with...”.

And how many familial relationships were built upon

mere beauty, or wealth, or by looking at rank and status

but resulted in failure, for these are not the correct

criteria [for selection], and if the woman entrusts her

affair to Allah —glorified and exalted be He—, and if the

husband, similarly, follows the command of Allah —

glorified and exalted be He— and follows the command

of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم ,they will be blessed in their life.