Let's Change Our Mindsets About Marriage Episode 306 Principles In Familial Stability

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*Let's Change Our Mindsets About Marriage*

*Episode 306*

*Principles In Familial Stability*

*6. The Sixth Principle: Overlooking mistakes is a means of having a long-lasting family life.*

 

At-Taghafal (overlooking mistakes) is a beneficial

manner, a great characteristic, and it is not practiced

except by people of firm understanding and intellect.

And tracking —tracing stumbles— is a destroyer of

familial life, [as is] stopping at every single slip, not

overlooking, not turning a blind eye, etc...

Imam Ahmad -may Allah have mercy upon him- says:

“Nine-tenths of goodness lies in overlooking [disliked

affairs]”.

This overlooking does not indicate the husband’s

weakness, nor the wife’s weakness, it does not indicate

that he is unaware, nor that he is not alert, rather it is an

indication of the perfection of his character, and the

perfection of her character; it indicates wisdom and

intelligence. It has been narrated from some of the Salaf

(pious predecessors): “The mind is a scale the third of

which is intelligence, and two-thirds are overlooking

[disliked affairs]”.

There must be something of overlooking, therefore, it

has been narrated from Imam Ash-Shafiee —may Allah

have mercy upon him— that he said: “The shrewd

intelligent person is one who is sharp but inattentive”. i.e.

the one who intentionally overlooks, not the slow-witted.

Slow wittedness is a blameworthy characteristic; [he is]

the one who does not comprehend things, does not

understand them, important affairs go beyond him. 

As

for the who is [tactfully] inattentive, then he is one who

has knowledge of the affairs, but he [intentionally] looks

away from them, as has been said: 

“The dumb person is not a master of his people,

Rather, the master of a people is the one who acts

dumb (unaware)” i.e. the [tactfully] inattentive.

And so, if the two spouses overlook some

imperfections and some simple issues that are possible

to overlook, then there is a long-lasting marital life

between them. However, if one of them looks at the

mistake of their partner with an accurate spyglass, they

see the particle of dirt in the other person’s eyes, while

they have of their own mistakes and their errors that

they don’t see them, then this is a calamity. Overlook and

get past [the errors], for in overlooking [mistakes] lies

everlasting love; everlasting love between spouses,

between partners, between friends, between neighbours,

etc…. there must be something of overlooking and

patience.