SPEAK TO HER WALĪ FIRST

 FAJR REMINDER: SPEAK TO HER WALĪ FIRST

By: Umm Affān

Dhū al-Qa'dah 28, 1447 (16-May-2026)

After the Prophet (ﷺ) accepted Sawdah Bint Zam’ah Ibn Qays (Raḍiyallāhu ‘Anha) to be his wife, Khawlah Bint Ḥakīm (Raḍiyallāhu ‘Anha) spoke to Sawdah’s father, Zam’ah, on behalf of the Messenger of Allāh (ﷺ). In this, there is a profound lesson for us all. Nowadays, when a man and a woman intend to marry, people around them often know about the relationship before the parents do. This is completely contrary to the proper Islāmic manner.

When a man desires to marry a woman, the first person he should approach is her Walī (father or male guardian), because the marriage cannot proceed without his approval. The Prophet (ﷺ) said: “There is no marriage except with a guardian.” [Sunan At-Tirmidhī 1101] In another narration, the Prophet (ﷺ) said: “Any woman who gets married without the permission of her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid.” [Sunan At-Tirmidhī 1102]

Subḥānallāh! What has become of society today? How can a Muslim woman surrender herself to a stranger who has no lawful right over her? How can she allow access to her body to a man who lacks the courage to formally approach her father? What a disgrace! Yet, this is falsely labelled as civilization and modernity. Many women are deceived into relationships with men who only seek temporary pleasure before abandoning them. Others live with men outside the bond of marriage, reducing the honour and dignity that Allāh has bestowed upon them.

Our young sisters! You were sent to school to seek beneficial education, not to lose your chastity to boys who may eventually walk away after graduation. And dear parents! You claim your daughters are too young for marriage, yet you consider them old enough to engage in boyfriend-girlfriend relationships. How contradictory! You overlook such behaviour as though it is insignificant, but once unlawful pregnancy occurs, panic sets in and marriage suddenly becomes urgent in order to avoid public disgrace. Do you not realize that such negligence contributed to the problem in the first place?

Dear parents! Whenever your grown-up children express the desire to marry, assist and support them in that noble pursuit. Doing so protects them from falling into unlawful relationships and saves families from shame and regret. Let us strive to be sincere Muslims who follow the pure guidance and example of our beloved Prophet Muḥammad (ﷺ).

I beseech Allāh (ﷻ) to rectify our affairs and guide us to that which pleases Him.