Family 3rd Party* [[------3️⃣-----]]

 *Family 3rd Party*

[[------3️⃣-----]]
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بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

No one knows you like your spouse, and if that is the case, you are in the best position to know what to do to resolve your differences. Due to fear of shame, couples don’t tell all the stories behind the quarrels, and the third party will be treating cancer with malaria drugs😃. It will definitely not work. Not only that, after third party interference, both of you will still go back home to talk things over for the issues to be completely resolved. So, why going to the third party in the first instance?

But,

In the case where the husband is physically abusing his wife or vice versa, she or he needs to seek help and not suffer in silence. But anyone they bring in should come to help, restore and be a blessing, not to take over the home. Yes. Because of the saying of Allah (swt):

وَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ شِقَاقَ بَيْنِهِمَا فَٱبْعَثُوا۟ حَكَمًا مِّنْ أَهْلِهِۦ وَحَكَمًا مِّنْ أَهْلِهَآ إِن يُرِيدَآ إِصْلَٰحًا يُوَفِّقِ ٱللَّهُ بَيْنَهُمَآۗ

"And if you fear dissension between the two, send an arbitrator from his people and an arbitrator from her people. If they both desire reconciliation, Allah will cause it between them...". 📚An-Nisa' 4:35

My People!

To a large extent, it's not advicable for couples to allow third parties to mediate in their marital problems. Because i believe that no one knows you like your spouse, and if that is the case, you are in the best position to know what to do to resolve your differences. Yes. It might only take little time and application of different strategies or methodologies. But surely, the couples will get it right without involving any 3rd party.

Let’s assume there is a misunderstanding between a man and his wife. In a bid to resolve it, the wife takes the matter to her friend who, without her knowledge, has been jealous of the couple’s hitherto happy home. What kind of advice do you expect from such a fellow? She would most likely fan the embers of enmity into a full-blown inferno. The same applies to bad in-laws.

*Mother-in-law's Case:*

A mother-in-law would visit once in a while or visit to assist her daughter with the nurturing of her newborn baby in her husband’s home, especially during the early days of childbirth. Most sons-in-law welcome this timely intervention to help nurture the new born baby at this crucial stage. The trouble is, when the visiting in-law is the husband’s mother, the home tends to be enveloped in tension because of petty jealousies😃.

To me,

A mother-in-law is best advised not to cohabit with her son or daughter-in-law. Yes  And if they must visit, it should be for a short period. There the honour lies. Ideally, an in-law should be a stabilizing force, not the cause of marital conflict.

Today,

In some cultures, in-laws send their wards to live with their son-in-law, with the additional expectation that he would train siblings of the wife, and also take responsibility for welfare issues in her extended family. Not all husbands can meet these *"unwritten expectations😃"* and where they do, relatives of the husband sometimes send their own wards too, to their son to train, but since resources are always limited, the husband is unduly stretched. I think the basis of a good marital foundation is understanding of how in-laws should be accommodated in a marriage in these modern times.

To be continued..