Family 3rd Party* [[------7-------]]

 *Family 3rd Party*

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بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

In marriage, sometimes it is normal to disagree inorder to agree. But couples should try to - *“Be a lover more, and not a fighter.”*

The most important thing we are discouraging couples to avoid is *"Involving the 3rd party"* over issues which if they strive hard, they can take care of themselves.

In most cases, the 3rd party may have good intentions but due to fear of shame, couples don’t tell all the stories behind the quarrels to the 3rd party, and the third party will be treating cancer with malaria drugs.

My People!

Statistical results have shown that appreciable percentage of marriages are in crisis today because of the presence or interference of 3rd parties. An otherwise happy union between two legitimate parties (husband and wife), becomes embroiled in turmoil because of the intrusion of an in-law, friend, neighbour, ex-lover, colleagues at work, landlord/landlady, etc. They are in most cases, the main crisis triggers.

Although,

In the case where the husband is physically abusing his wife or vice versa, she or he needs to seek help and not suffer in silence. But anyone they bring in should come to help, restore and be a blessing, not to take over the home. Yes. Because of the saying of Allah (swt) in Surah An-Nisa' 4:35,

"And if you fear dissension between the two, send an arbitrator from his people and an arbitrator from her people. If they both desire reconciliation, Allah will cause it between them...." 📚An-Nisa' 4:35

Now,

Continuation of the previous episodes - as promised:

PROBLEM NO 3:

Couples Living in Family House or With Extended Family

The position of the family members and relatives can not be swept inside carpet because even Allah (swt) say in Surah 16, Verse 90:

"Surely Allah (swt) commands (people) to maintain justice, kindness, and proper relations with their relatives..." 📚Surah 16, Verse 90

Now,

Few couples living together in the family house have good relationships with their spouse's parents and siblings, but many others face on-going conflicts or problems that is influencing their marriage in a negative way. Let’s look at some of the most common issues.

*Issue No 1:* Jnterference in family life

One problem is that the family of a spouse becomes too involved in the marriage. They hear about everything or demand information😀, they give negative advice in most cases or push specific selfish solutions. This interference, if it is not checked out ontime, can breed conflict and stay as a constant source of dissent and stress.

*Issue No 2:* Cohabitation

Living together is a challenge, and having to share spaces with the family of a spouse can be an even more significant one😀. Yes. Different preferences, cleaning habits, diet, and many other factors can create tension, especially if a person is not willing to reach a compromise.

*Issue No 3:* Excessive demands related to resources

We all need help sometimes, and helping a family member is important. However, there are families that are constantly in crisis or constantly require the couple to help, to give money, to support, to do, to the point where it becomes a source of pressure and distress

*What To Do:*

It’s important to set boundaries with the extended family and put one’s marriage first unless there is a case of emergency with the extended family, and there cannot always be a .....

To be continued...