Remarrying Issue* [[--- Part 8 ---]]

 *Remarrying Issue*

[[--- Part 8 ---]]
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*Stepchildren Issues*

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

It is not easy to rear children. Yes. Each child is different and requires thoughtful work and planning for the best way to teach and discipline. It may be hard when you are married to your children’s parent. *It can be many times harder* when you are not married to your child’s parent…and you are married to someone else!

But,

A child is a child, irrespective of whether you are the biological parent or a stepparent. The good news is that, it's even possible that people's children will be the ones Allah (swt) may use to grant you mercy & favors in this world and the next. So, if you have opportunity of helping people's children *(either by marrying a divorced Woman or a widow)*, pls do.

Now,

*Problems Caused by Stepchildren No 2:* Bonding as One Unit

If dad always handles his biological child’s activities and mom handles her own child’s schedule, you may as well still be living as two separate households.

My People,

A family consisting of a few members is like a small society and the parents manage the affairs of this small habitation. As running a country is not possible without justice and equality, so is the management of a household not possible without these concomitant factors; namely Justice and equality for all (whether you are the biological parents or a stepparent). Allah (swt) reminded us in the Holy Qur’an:

*“Allah orders for Justice and Fairness in every aspect of life."* 📚(Qur’an, 16:90)

So,

Selflessness, love, affection and unity is possible only in an environment of justice and equality. And the children will get proper upbringing in this atmosphere. The inherent traits of the children will find expression and they will learn to be just and fair from the example set to them by their parents. And, if the parents NEGLECT this, out of selfishness or the parents are ignorant of the need for justice and fair play, so will be their children.

Just and equitable parents treat all their children equally. They don’t show particular preference for any particular child or children. Yes. Be it a son or a daughter, be it a biological children or stepchildren, pretty or not so pretty.

The Prophet (pbuh) has said:

“Keep justice for all your children in your mind even when some of them are away. If you desire treatment of love, kindness and justice from your children, then give them similar treatment." 📚 Hadeeth

So instead,

Work hard as new husband and new wife to include everyone in the family in your equity and Fair play budget. Let your family enjoy positive bonding exhibited by you (new mom & new dad) so that, they learn to grow stronger in their relationships with each other.

On top of being a one big family, you need to work hard to keep your romantic relationship with your partner alive. Yes. A second marriage is never easy so you’ll need to increase your communication with each other to succeed. For instance, a child might disrupt intimacy between the new couple by insisting on sleeping on one bed with them, maybe be due to alleged nightmares or illness. So, i advised that you work it out so that children didn't come btw you and romantic relationship with your spouse.

*Problems Caused by Stepchildren No 3:* Financial Stress

To be continued