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*Let's Change Our Mindsets About Marriage*
*Episode 6*
*SPENDING MORE TIME OUTSIDE*
Sadly I have to address the issue of married men who spend more of their time outside their homes leaving their family alone and lonely. It is very important to understand that, your family also have the right to your time. Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) says:
At-Tirmidhi (3895) narrated from ‘'Ā'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) that she said: The Messenger of Allāh (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “The best of you is the best of you to his family, and I am the best of you to my family.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albani in Saheeh al-Jami‘, 5625
When you spend more time outside especially during late hours, you are not only leaving them alone but you are crossing the line set up for you by Allāh (Sub-haanahu wata'aala). One reason why some women engage in haram activities such as social media friendships is because they lack the presence of their partners. As a husband, you should be home, spend time with your children, find out what's going on in their lives. Understand the needs of your wife. When you only come home late and leave home early in the morning, you will never understand what's going on in your home. Sometimes children undergo depression or sexual abuse. As a father, staying home with your family gives you the advantage to oversee what's happening. Also as children, they deserve to be with you, because other kids always tell them their experiences with their parents. So this creates trauma in young children. Most parents don't understand what's like to block their children from having access to them. Remember, your children have a right to be with you. The evidence is in this hadith :
Al-Bukhari (1975) and Muslim (1159) narrated that ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘As (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allāh be upon him) said to me: “Your body has a right over you, your eyes have a right over you, your wife has a right over you, your children and your guests have a right over you.”
Ash-Shaykh Ibn Baz (may Allah have mercy on him) was asked:
There are some young men – may Allah guide them – who are committed to Islam but they do not treat their wives with kindness; they spend all their time doing many things that have to do with study and work, whilst leaving their wives on their own or with the children in the house for long hours on the grounds that they have work and study. What do you say about that; should study and work be at the expense of the wife’s share of the husband’s time?
He replied:
There is no doubt that it is obligatory for husbands to treat their wives with kindness, because Allāh, may He be glorified and exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Live with them in accordance with what is fair and kind”
[an-Nisa 4:19]
“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses, etc.) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect, etc.) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them. And Allah is All-Mighty, All-Wise” [al-Baqarah 2:228].
Hence, it is not too let to make it right. When you spend time with friends, or at work, also go home early and spend time with your family too. That time might be the only time your wife can request for an intercourse. And by the way, most men who over stay outside engage in one bad behaviour or the other.
*{To be continued In-sha-Allāh (If Allāh Wills)...}*
*"And keep reminding, because reminding benefits the believers."* (Qur-ān 51:55)
*Let's Change Our Mindsets About Marriage*
*Episode 6*
*SPENDING MORE TIME OUTSIDE*
Sadly I have to address the issue of married men who spend more of their time outside their homes leaving their family alone and lonely. It is very important to understand that, your family also have the right to your time. Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) says:
At-Tirmidhi (3895) narrated from ‘'Ā'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) that she said: The Messenger of Allāh (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “The best of you is the best of you to his family, and I am the best of you to my family.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albani in Saheeh al-Jami‘, 5625
When you spend more time outside especially during late hours, you are not only leaving them alone but you are crossing the line set up for you by Allāh (Sub-haanahu wata'aala). One reason why some women engage in haram activities such as social media friendships is because they lack the presence of their partners. As a husband, you should be home, spend time with your children, find out what's going on in their lives. Understand the needs of your wife. When you only come home late and leave home early in the morning, you will never understand what's going on in your home. Sometimes children undergo depression or sexual abuse. As a father, staying home with your family gives you the advantage to oversee what's happening. Also as children, they deserve to be with you, because other kids always tell them their experiences with their parents. So this creates trauma in young children. Most parents don't understand what's like to block their children from having access to them. Remember, your children have a right to be with you. The evidence is in this hadith :
Al-Bukhari (1975) and Muslim (1159) narrated that ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘As (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allāh be upon him) said to me: “Your body has a right over you, your eyes have a right over you, your wife has a right over you, your children and your guests have a right over you.”
Ash-Shaykh Ibn Baz (may Allah have mercy on him) was asked:
There are some young men – may Allah guide them – who are committed to Islam but they do not treat their wives with kindness; they spend all their time doing many things that have to do with study and work, whilst leaving their wives on their own or with the children in the house for long hours on the grounds that they have work and study. What do you say about that; should study and work be at the expense of the wife’s share of the husband’s time?
He replied:
There is no doubt that it is obligatory for husbands to treat their wives with kindness, because Allāh, may He be glorified and exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Live with them in accordance with what is fair and kind”
[an-Nisa 4:19]
“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses, etc.) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect, etc.) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them. And Allah is All-Mighty, All-Wise” [al-Baqarah 2:228].
Hence, it is not too let to make it right. When you spend time with friends, or at work, also go home early and spend time with your family too. That time might be the only time your wife can request for an intercourse. And by the way, most men who over stay outside engage in one bad behaviour or the other.
*{To be continued In-sha-Allāh (If Allāh Wills)...}*
*"And keep reminding, because reminding benefits the believers."* (Qur-ān 51:55)
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