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*Let's Change Our Mindsets About Marriage*
*Episode 268*
On Marriage...
Marriage is a beautiful thing, let nobody tell you otherwise. It’s from the Sunnah of our nabbiy and it’s a relationship that brings many people together and we all hope that our marriages will last till Jannah.
However, dear unmarried sister, what do you know about marriage according to Islam? What are the conditions for aqdun nikkah? Have you read enough or attended classes on this beautiful Sunnah?
Marriage is simple in Islam, quite simple but not so simple enough that it takes a brother just telling your parents or guardian that he’s interested and that’s it. No, some of our parents just accept for the man’s interest in you not that they’ve accepted him to be your husband there and then. Let it be spelled out that you are having a nikkah, let there be witnesses and let them state that you have become his wife and he now has rights to you and your body.
Also, stipulate your mahr and you both should agree on it before consummation. Even if you choose to delay collecting it, let it be known what you want because he has no rights to your body without it.
We hear a lot that a simple mahr is the best, na’am but that doesn’t stop you from collecting something of certain value. It’s your body we are talking about here not another person’s so they have no right to tell you what to do with it. Just fear Allah when you ask and know what is within the capabilities of the man you’re marrying. Don’t sell yourself short, please. A man really interested in you will be happy to give you what you want and let you know what he can’t afford.
Also, make your findings about the man. That a brother makes beautiful posts on Facebook and has a beard doesn’t mean he’ll treat you right. Where does he work? Where does he live? Where does he get his knowledge from? Who are his friends? These are things you should investigate on before saying yes and if you find what you don’t like, don’t be manipulated. Take your time and see if it’s what you can settle for.
Please for Allah’s sake, do not let anybody manipulate you for their own selfish interests. Go into marriage when you know you’re ready for all it involves. Early marriage is good but going into it without being ready is a recipe for disaster. Don’t think that you have to accept the first brother that comes to you, no. You have a right to choose. If he’s not pleasing to you, saying no doesn’t mean you’re banished to being single for life. The man worthy of you will come your way by Allah’s will. Get an education, make yourself better, attend Madrasah, take fashion classes, learn to bake, learn to code, write, do whatever rocks your boat and is halal. Live your best life and don’t surrender your youth to someone undeserving of it. When you’re well informed, men who are predatory won’t see you as a target and will leave you for those who are serious and deserving.
When you’re ready, seek help from Allah, let people you know that are good know that you’re interested in getting married,make istikhaarah when you find someone and put your trust in Allah always. Please and please, don’t go accepting marriage proposals on Facebook without first finding out about the brother. We have said it countless times here that unnecessarily chatting with these brothers is not advisable wether he appears very pious on here or not. Remember that despite all the appearance of piety, they’re men first and the whisperings of shaytan are real. Safeguard yourself from them because as we all know, the woman is always blamed first. Be smart, don’t be another notch on his bedpost. Also, for Allah’s sake you need to stop making yourselves targets for predators. Don’t go involving yourself in banter all over Facebook. It’s not every post a brother makes that you should comment on or go MaashaaAllahing and loling over. Have some dignity, comport yourself. Hayaa beautifies us more. It’s cringeworthy to see my sisters always involved in idle talk with brothers who practically live their lives on Facebook. If you’re bored, read Quran or even play candy crush or chat with your girlfriend instead.
There are sisters you can talk to, you don’t need to go asking brothers sensitive questions. Women will always understand you better, don’t be deceived. Don’t let predators take advantage of you. You can even get the numbers of notable scholars and call them to ask or go to their sittings.
May Allah help you and I, Aameen.
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