Realities in Homes* [[------14th Show -----]]

 *Realities in Homes*

[[------14th Show -----]]
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بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Even the laws in Islam came to us bit-by-bit. For instance, during jahileeyyah (before the prophethood of Muhammad - pbuh), People were drinking alcohol. So, if the prohibition came that people should stop drinking alcohol COMPLETELY, it will be difficult for them to practice Islam. So, the first prohibition for alcohol drinking was - *"Don't drink while you want to pray"* - and jahileeyyah people at that time used to drink few hours before swalah time.. Then, Allah (swt) revealed the final laws for prohibition of alcohol drinking, which is - *"Don't drink alcohol at all, for any reason"* - A verse in Surarul Baqarah and Suratul Maidah is prove for these... Allahu Akbar!

This is telling us that, it's not easy to change someone's behaviors within a tinkle of an eye. Yes. Some of your spouse's undesirable behaviors will go off completely, but it will take little time.

So,

If your spouse is having 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 undesirable behaviors and you insist that those undesirable behaviors should ALL vanish before you open eyes and close it, then, you will be a dreamer. Yes. It will be very difficult to achieve that.

After all,

Ibn Umar reported: The Prophet (pbuh) said, “The believer who mixes with people and is patient with their harm has a greater reward than the believer who does not mix with people, nor is patient with their harm.” 📚Sunan Ibn Ma‌jah 4032 .

Now,

Continuation of the previous episodes - as promised:

*Why Your Spouse Doesn't Listen:*

*Problem No 3:* Bringing Up Old Baggage

If there’s something that happened years ago that’s still eating at you, please set aside a *"separate"* time to discuss it.

But,

Forming the habit of *"Bringing Up Old Baggage"* each time you want the attention of your spouse will make them turn you out. Yes. Any conversations about topics or issues that have been discussed at length previously but keep getting brought up again (and again), may cause a spouse to tune out.

If you keep raising old issues or topics, consider why you're doing this. Are there lingering issues that need to be resolved? Is there something you can't forgive, solve, or let go? If so, have that talk, and then put the issue to rest.

It's good to note that,

When we constantly remind our spouses of all the times they let us down or hurt us, we have not truly forgiven.

👉🏼Al-Shafi’i, (r.a) wrote in his poetry, “When I forgave and stopped holding malice against anyone, I relieved my soul of the worries of enmity.” 📚Di‌wa‌n al-Sha‌fiʻi‌ 31

Therefore,

Things that happened in the past must be left there and not be used as fresh reference in new situations. Bringing up old disagreements during a fight simply makes your partner feel trapped and helpless. Drop what’s been and gone and try focussing on the present issue causing your relationship conflict, and you will get a desired results.

*Problem No 4:* You rely on others instead of your spouse

Do you talk to other people about your relationship instead of your spouse? This may be the reason why your spouse doesn’t listen to you.

While it is okay to seek advice from people you know and trust, there should be certain things you don’t talk about with other people. You and your partner can decide together what these things are and how to tackle it.

If you want to be a good communicator, then, you must be calculative and wise to know things you share with outsiders about your family and things you can not share with outsiders. Every spouse want his or her secret to be covered. And covering people's secret especially your spouse is highly rewarding 

Evidence:

“Whoever conceals the faults of others, Allah shall conceal his faults on the day of Qiyaamah.” 📚 (Hadeeth)

TO BE CONTINUED