THE MUSLIM HOME EPISODE 2️⃣0️⃣ - Forming the Household 1️⃣8️⃣

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*THE MUSLIM HOME*

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*EPISODE 2️⃣0️⃣ - Forming the Household 1️⃣8️⃣*

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*2️⃣2️⃣ Confidentiality: keeping family secrets*

This includes a number of things, including: 

- Not disclosing intimate secrets 

- Not disclosing marital conflicts 

- Not disclosing any secrets the exposing of which could cause harm to the family or to any of its members. 

With regard to the first matter, the evidence that this is Haraam is the Hadeeth in which the Prophet of Allaah ﷺ said: *_“One of the most evil of people in the sight of Allaah on the Day of Resurrection will be a man who went in unto his wife and she went in unto him, then he disclosed her secret.”_*

(Reported by Muslim, 4/157)

The meaning of going in unto one another is that he approaches her and has intercourse with her, as in the verse:

*“. . . While you have gone in unto one another . . .”*

[Qur'aan 4:21]

Further evidence is to be seen in the Hadeeth of Asmaa’ bint Yazeed رضي الله عنه who said that she was with the Messenger of Allaah ﷺ, when men and women were sitting with him, and he ﷺ said: 

*_“I think there are some men who talk about what they do with their wives, and that there are some women who talk about what they do with their husbands.”_* The people stayed silent. Asmaa’ رضي الله عنها said: *_“Yes, by Allaah, O Messenger of Allaah, [women] do that and [men] do that!”_* He ﷺ said: *_“Do not do that, for it is as if a male devil met a female devil in the street and had intercourse with her whilst the people were watching.”_*

(Reported by Imaam Ahmad, 6/457; also reported in Aadaab al-Zafaaf by al-Albaani, p. 144)

With regard to the second matter, which is disclosing marital arguments outside the home, in many cases this only makes matters worse. Involving outside parties in a marital conflict usually deepens the split, and it reaches a stage where the couple will only communicate via intermediaries when they should be the closest of all people to one another. 

This should not be resorted to except in cases where they cannot resolve matter face to face, in which case we should act in accordance with the verse: 

*“. . . Appoint [two] arbitrators, one from his family and the other from hers; if they both wish for peace, Allaah will cause their reconciliation . . .*

[Qur'aan 4:35]

With regard to the third matter, which is harming the family or one of its members – by spreading their secrets – this is not permissible, because it is covered by the words of the Prophet ﷺ: *_“There should be neither harming nor reciprocating harm.”_*

(Reported by Imaam Ahmad, 1/313; al-Silsilat as-Saheehah, no. 250)

Ibn Katheer رعمه الله in his Tafsir of Surat At-Tahrim verse 10, reported that: _“The wife of Nooh used to know about his secrets, and whenever anyone believed in him, she would tell the oppressors among the people of Nooh about it. As for the wife of Loot, whenever Loot welcomed anyone as a guest, she would tell the people of the city who used to do evil things.”_ i.e., to come and do immoral things to them. 

(Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 8/198)

_To be continued... إِنْ شَاءَ ٱللّٰهُ‎_

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