Suffering in Silence* [[--- Episode 12 ---]]

 *Suffering in Silence*

[[--- Episode 12 ---]]
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*How Polygamy Fractures Families Beyond the Wives*

بسم الله الرحمان الرحيم

Polygamy, when practiced without justice and emotional intelligence, doesn’t merely strain relationships between co-wives; it plants seeds of discord among children who grow up knowing they are *"not all equal in their father’s eyes."*

Muslim Faithful!

The Prophet (pbuh) said, *“Every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The leader of people is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects. A man is the guardian of his family and he is responsible for them...."*📚Source: S‌ah‌i‌h‌ al-Bukha‌ri‌ 7138, S‌ah‌i‌h‌ Muslim 1829

Now,

While Islamic law permits a man to marry up to four wives under strict conditions of fairness, the reality often strays far from the ideal. *"The road to hell is paved with good intentions,"* and in this case, the road to familial discord is paved with unchecked favoritism. And the damage doesn’t stop at the wives—it cascades through generations, breeding resentment, insecurity, and fractured sibling bonds. 

Proverbially speaking, *"What’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander,"* but in most polygamous households today, one child gets the feast while the other gets scraps.

When a father showers one set of children with gifts, attention, and opportunities while others watch from the sidelines, resentment festers. *"The same sun that melts the butter hardens the clay"*—some children grow bitter, others emotionally brittle. 

Half-siblings in these kind of polygamous homes often grow up as rivals rather than allies. *"Blood is thicker than water, but jealousy is thicker than blood😀."* Yes. When resources—love, time, money—are divided unevenly, brothers and sisters see each other as competitors rather than kin. 

A neglected wife doesn’t suffer alone—her children absorb her sorrow. These  children grow up questioning their worth, wondering, *"If my father doesn’t value my mother, does he value me?"*

*Few instances:*

The children must not attend the same school. What I mean here is that, those in Nursery and Primary school must not attend the same school. They can attend different schools BUT of the same quality/standard.

But there is NO SIN if, bcos of their age difference, u spend more on some and spend less on some. For example, those in N/primary school, those in secondary school and those in tertiary institutions. Their school fees is not the same due to difference in level of education.

You can spend more on some and spend less on some even if their age and level of education is the same. For example, base on interest and intellectual capability of ur children. A child who is intellectually sound and interested in studying medicine,, and a child who is intellectually low and interested in studying social studies. There is NO SIN on this In shaa Allah. What's disliked is you, choosing more profitable courses for some of your children while others pushed to study less profitable courses.

It is possible that one of ur wives is a working class type and have money to spend EXTRA on her children. In this case, there is NO PROBLEM if her children attend the most expensive schools, but on condition that, u give to her what u pay as the school fees of other children OF THE SAME SCHOOL CATEGORY//LEVEL, so that she can top-up any amount from her pocket to pay her children school fees.

*Read the next episodes for the continuation*

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