OBEDIENCE AND KINDNESS TO PARENTS

 🍀بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم🍀

ﷺ ♥‌‌‌🍃ﷺ♥‌‌‌🍃ﷺ

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Monday 6th APRIL 2026/17th Shawwal 1447 AH

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*OBEDIENCE AND KINDNESS TO PARENTS*

It is quite common to hear preachers talk about 'obedience' to parents as a part of Islamic teachings. And there is no doubt that obedience to a parent is a praiseworthy matter overall. However, it is important to note that the primary term the Quran and Sunnah employ is not 'ṭā'ah al-wālidayn' (obeying the parent) but rather 'birr al-wālidayn' (being kind to one's parents).

This is extremely significant, as all too often, adult children are made to feel guilty if they don't obey each and every request of a parent, even if it involves something unreasonable.

In fact, kindness to one's parents is NOT the same as obedience to them. One must always try one's best to be kind and respectful at all times, but one is not obliged to obey each and every command, especially if that command involves the rights of others, like a spouse or children, or if the request is of no direct relevance to the parent.

Generally speaking, obedience to parents would be obligatory if what they are demanding is something that is permissible, and required by them for their well-being, and the person is able to fulfill that request reasonably, without undue hardship (and each person will have to use their conscience and then answer to Allah as to their level of 'hardship' and 'reasonability'). However, if the parents make a request that is not related to their own benefit (for example, they demand from their adult children to choose one career over another for no tangible reason related to them), or make an unreasonable request (for example, that a working son/daughter gives the entire salary to them while he/she cannot live a normal life), obedience is not obligatory. Yet still, one must politely turn down such requests and use gentle words, as the Quran says, "....and accompany them in this world with the best of manners"

Ibn Daqīq al-Īd, the famous Shaf'ī jurist, said, "It is not obligatory for the (adult) child to listen to a parent in each and every matter that they ask of him or prohibit to him - and this is by the consensus of the scholars." al-Iḥkām (2/296). And Ibn Taymiyyah delineated three conditions for obedience: "It is obligatory to obey the parents if they command something that is not a sin, and there is a benefit for them in that command, without any harm to fulfill it upon the son." And al-Qarāfī wrote, "Just like the child cannot harm or irritate the parents, so too they are forbidden from harming or irritating the child."

Balancing our responsibilities between our lives, and our parents wishes and desires, is a constant negotiation for all of us. Try your best to obey your parents in all that is reasonable, but if the request itself is unreasonable and of no benefit to them, there is no reason to feel guilty in not obeying such a command. Still, no matter what the request, always maintain utmost respect and kindness with them.

May Allah make us all righteous children to our parents!

 
🍃🌹🍃🌹🍃🌹🍃🌹🍃🌹.