WHOSE RIGHT IS GREATER?

FAJR REMINDER: WHOSE RIGHT IS GREATER?
Rabīʿ al-Akhīr 24, 1448 AH | 6 October 2026

The question of whose rights are greater—those of one's parents or one's wife—has caused painful tensions in many households. Often, husbands feel pressured to choose between their parents and their wives. However, Islām does not instruct a man to neglect one set of rights in order to honour another. Rather, it requires him to fulfil the rights of each person as ordained by Allāh (ﷻ).

Parents undoubtedly hold tremendous rights over their children. Allāh (ﷻ) says:

“And We have enjoined upon man care for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination.”
[Sūrah Luqmān 31:14]

The Prophet (ﷺ) also emphasised the exceptional status of one's mother. Abū Hurayrah (رضي الله عنه) reported that a man asked the Messenger of Allāh (ﷺ), “Who among the people is most deserving of my good companionship?” He replied, “Your mother.” The man asked, “Then who?” He replied, “Your mother.” He asked again, “Then who?” He replied, “Your mother.” When he asked a fourth time, he said, “Your father.”
[Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 5971; Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2548]

Nevertheless, the immense rights of parents do not negate the rights of a wife. The obligations established through marriage cannot simply be disregarded because of parental displeasure. Allāh (ﷻ) has placed upon a husband the responsibility of caring for his household, which includes providing his wife with her rightful maintenance and treating her with kindness and fairness.

Muʿāwiyah al-Qushayrī (رضي الله عنه) asked the Messenger of Allāh (ﷺ), “What are the rights of the wives upon us?” He replied:

“That you feed them when you eat, clothe them when you clothe yourself, do not strike their faces, do not revile them, and do not forsake them except within the house.”
[Sunan Abī Dāwūd 2142]

Therefore, the matter should not be viewed as though Islām has placed parents and wives in competition for a man's loyalty. Their rights are different and are fulfilled in different ways. A Muslim must understand his obligations towards each of them and fulfil those obligations without violating the rights of anyone else.

Parents deserve dutifulness, respect, kindness, and good companionship. Wives, on the other hand, have rights to maintenance, kind treatment, protection, and the fulfilment of the responsibilities established through marriage.

A husband's duty does not permit him to commit injustice merely to satisfy the wishes of either side. This is where wisdom, patience, justice, and responsible leadership become essential. A husband should avoid becoming a messenger who continually carries complaints from one party to another, nor should he allow either side to manipulate him against the other. He should establish necessary boundaries with wisdom, address wrongdoing fairly, and seek reconciliation whenever possible.

A wife should not be forced to compete with her mother-in-law for her husband's affection and kindness, just as a mother should not feel that she has lost her son simply because he has married. Marriage undoubtedly changes a man's responsibilities, but it does not erase his duty towards his parents.

Therefore, rather than asking, “Who comes first: my parents or my wife?” it is more beneficial to ask:

“What rights has Allāh placed upon me towards each of them, and how can I fulfil those rights without committing injustice?”

A righteous husband does not turn his parents against his wife, nor does he turn his wife against his parents. Rather, he strives to uphold the Commands of Allāh (ﷻ) in his dealings with everyone, ensuring that each person receives their rightful due and refusing to commit injustice merely to please one side over another.

Let us strive to establish our homes upon the principles of the Qur’ān and Sunnah, rather than allowing family pressures, cultural expectations, emotional manipulation, or competition to determine how we treat one another.

I beseech Allāh (ﷻ) to make us ever dutiful to our parents, just and compassionate towards our spouses, and wise in fulfilling the rights He has placed upon us.

May He protect our homes from injustice, resentment, division, and breakdown, and make our families a source of tranquillity, mercy, love, and obedience to Him.

Āmīn.