ONE BEST CHOICE [[- Episode 5 -]]
بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَٰنِ الرَّحِيمِ
Marriage, divorce, joy, and pain—all happen by the decree of Allah (SWT). When a marriage ends, it does not mean that a woman is bad or unworthy of love. Many women are victims of difficult circumstances, and sometimes, the end of a marriage becomes a new beginning. It may be part of Allah's plan to lead someone towards a better future.
MY BROTHERS, LISTEN!
Let us be honest. A divorced woman may be a better marriage partner than a woman who has never been married, especially when she possesses strong faith in Allah (SWT), good manners, and a sincere desire to build a peaceful home.
Why?
Because she has lived. She has loved. She has lost. And she has learned.
She may have learned difficult lessons about patience, communication, responsibility, forgiveness, and what it takes to sustain a marriage. These experiences can give her valuable wisdom that someone who has never been married may yet have to acquire.
Of course, every individual is different. Marriage experience alone does not determine someone's suitability as a spouse. What truly matters is a person's faith, character, maturity, and willingness to fulfil the responsibilities of marriage.
THIS IS NOT CONTRARY TO THE SUNNAH!
The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) married women who had previously been married, including divorced and widowed women. His example teaches us not to look down on a woman simply because she has a marital history.
One of the most important considerations when choosing a wife is her religious commitment.
The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said:
“A woman is married for four things: her wealth, her family status, her beauty, and her religion. So choose the religious one, may your hands be rubbed with dust.”
📚 Sahih al-Bukhari 5090; Sahih Muslim 1466.
Do you see the lesson?
Faith. Character. Good manners. These are among the qualities that matter in choosing a life partner. A woman's worth is not defined by virginity or a supposedly perfect past.
NOW, TO MY DEAR SISTERS…
To the sister preparing to marry again, and to the sister already in her second or third marriage, this message is for you.
My dear sister,
You are worthy of respect, dignity, and love. Your past does not have to define your future. However, as you prepare for a new beginning, make a sincere effort to address the emotional wounds that your previous marriage may have left behind.
LET GO OF UNHEALED EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE.
When people remarry, they sometimes carry unhealthy patterns, unresolved pain, and trust issues from their previous relationships into their new marriages. If left unaddressed, these issues can damage an otherwise promising relationship.
Perhaps your former husband betrayed you. Perhaps he disappointed you repeatedly or made you feel unworthy of love. It is understandable that such experiences may make it difficult to trust again.
You may even believe that you have moved on, yet certain experiences may still trigger fear, suspicion, or insecurity.
For example, you might become overly suspicious of your new husband, even when he has given you no genuine reason to doubt him.
Dear sister, remember this: your new husband is not automatically responsible for the mistakes of the man who came before him.
Healing does not mean pretending that nothing happened. It means learning from the past without allowing it to control your present. Give yourself time, seek beneficial counsel when necessary, and allow trust to grow through honesty, consistency, and good conduct.
Carrying unresolved pain from one relationship into another can become destructive. Do not allow yesterday's wounds to rob you of tomorrow's peace.
MY DEAREST SISTER, REMEMBER ALLAH!
As Muslims, we have a source of comfort that goes beyond our circumstances: our belief in the decree of Allah (SWT).
We know that nothing escapes His knowledge and that whatever happens is within His divine decree. This belief can help us accept what we cannot change while taking the necessary steps to improve what we can.
Allah (SWT) says:
“And with Him are the keys of the unseen; none knows them except Him. And He knows what is on the land and in the sea. Not a leaf falls but that He knows it. And no grain is there within the darknesses of the earth and no moist or dry [thing] but that it is [written] in a clear record.”
📖 Surah Al-An'am 6:59
SubhanAllah!
If Allah knows even the leaf that falls from a tree, does He not know the pain you have carried in silence? Does He not know the tears you shed when nobody was watching? Does He not know the prayers you made for a marriage that did not work out?
Of course, He knows!
Therefore, do not allow your past to destroy your hope in His mercy. Accept what has happened, learn from it, seek healing, and move forward with trust in Allah.
A FRESH START REQUIRES A HEALED HEART.
My dear sister, as you enter a new marriage:
- Do not constantly compare your new husband to your former husband.
- Do not punish him for another man's mistakes.
- Communicate openly about your expectations, fears, and needs.
- Be honest, even when the conversation feels uncomfortable.
- Set healthy boundaries and learn to build trust gradually.
- Recognise and appreciate the good qualities in your new husband.
- Seek Allah's guidance and ask Him to place love, mercy, and tranquillity between you.
Remember that a successful marriage requires effort from both spouses. You are not expected to carry the entire responsibility for making it work.
Allah (SWT) says:
“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy.”
📖 Surah Ar-Rum 30:21
What a beautiful reminder!
Marriage is not merely about finding someone to love; it is about building a home where both spouses can find tranquillity, affection, mercy, and mutual respect.
Dear sister, do not spend so much time looking at the weeds of yesterday that you forget to water the flowers Allah has placed before you today.
Water the flowers, not the weeds.
Your past may explain some of your fears, but it does not have to dictate your future.
May Allah (SWT) heal every wounded heart, guide those preparing for marriage, bless those who are already married, and replace our pain with what is better for our faith, our lives, and our Hereafter. Āmīn.
To be continued…
If you want to know what comes next, read the next episode, In Shaa Allah.
ONE BEST CHOICE — Episode 5
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