CARING FOR THEM WHEN ALIVE OR DEAD

 FAJR REMINDER: CARING FOR THEM WHEN ALIVE OR DEAD

By: Umm Affān

Ṣafar 27, 1448 (11-August-2026)

One of the ways to demonstrate goodness, kindness, and dutifulness to one's parents is by taking care of their needs, especially when they grow old, weak, and dependent. Remember that when you were young, vulnerable, and unable to care for yourself, your parents carried the responsibility of your upkeep. Therefore, when they reach a stage where they need you, do not hesitate to care for them as they once cared for you. Pay attention to their diet, medications, clothing, shelter, and other essential needs. Spend on them appropriately according to your ability. If they live far away from you, make the effort to visit them and ensure that they are not left without proper care.

Many parents have gone hungry so that their children could eat. They have denied themselves comfort so that their children could live comfortably. Yet, sadly, some children today make sure they have eaten to satisfaction before remembering their weak and elderly parents. Even more heartbreaking is the fact that some parents have been reduced to begging on the streets while they have able-bodied children who could work and struggle to provide for them. Subḥānallāh! What a painful reversal of the very care and sacrifice that parents once gave to their children.

Regardless of the worldly status, wealth, influence, or position you attain, never allow it to make you look down upon or disrespect your parents. Shaykh ‘Abd ar-Razzāq al-Badr (Ḥafiẓahullāh) said: ‎“Disrespecting parents is from the greatest of crimes and sins.” [Fawā’id Mustanbaṭah min Qiṣṣati Luqmān al-Ḥakīm (24)] 

Speak to them gently and treat them honourably. Be deliberate with your words, especially when addressing them. Just as you carefully choose your words when speaking to an influential person in this world, be even more careful when speaking to your parents. Allāh (ﷻ) says: “...Say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them, but address them in terms of honour. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy...” [Sūrah Al-Isrā' (17): 23-24]

A righteous child also remembers their parents in supplication, whether they are alive or have passed away. Indeed, after their death, increasing one's supplications for them is among the beautiful ways of continuing to show them kindness. Abū Hurayrah reported: The Messenger of Allāh (ﷺ) said, “When the human being dies, his deeds end except for three: ongoing charity, beneficial knowledge, or A RIGHTEOUS CHILD WHO PRAYS FOR HIM.” [Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 1631]

In another narration also by Abū Hurayrah, the Messenger of Allāh (ﷺ) said: “Verily, Allāh Almighty will raise the status of His righteous servants in Paradise, and they will say: O Lord, what is this? Allāh will say: This is your child seeking forgiveness for you.” [Musnad Aḥmad 10610] Shaykh ‘Abd ar-Razzāq al-Badr (Ḥafiẓahullāh) said: “From the GREATEST forms of kindness towards parents (Birr al-Wālidayn) is to make Du‘ā‘ for (Allāh's) Mercy and Forgiveness upon them—be they alive or dead—with the condition that they are or were Muslims.” [Fiqh al-Ad‘iyah wa al-Adhkār 2/240]

It is important to note, however, that supplicating for the forgiveness of a parent who died upon disbelief is not permissible in Islām. Allāh says: “It is not (proper) for the Prophet and those who believe to ask Allāh's Forgiveness for the Mushrikun (polytheists, idolaters, pagans, disbelievers in the Oneness of Allāh) even though they be of kin after it has become clear to them that they are the dwellers of the Fire (because they died in a state of disbelief).” [Sūrah At-Tawbah (9): 113]

Imām Ash-Shawkānī (Raḥimahullāh) said: “This verse implies that there are no ties of close friendship with the disbelievers and that it is forbidden to pray for forgiveness for them or to supplicate for disbelievers in ways that are not permitted.” [Fatḥ Al-Qadīr 2/410]

Furthermore, even the noblest of mankind, Prophet Muḥammad (ﷺ), was not permitted to seek forgiveness for his mother. Abū Hurayrah (Raḍiyallāhu 'Anhu) reported: The Messenger of Allāh (ﷺ) said, “I asked my Lord for permission to pray for forgiveness for my mother, and He did not permit me. I asked Him for permission to visit her grave, and He permitted me.” [Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim (916)]

It is a deeply painful reality for a person to lose a parent who is outside Islām. Nevertheless, this reminds us of the importance of guiding our families towards faith, righteousness, and obedience to Allāh while we still have the opportunity. 

I beseech Allāh (ﷻ) to protect our parents and us from dying upon other than Islām, to make us righteous and dutiful children, and to enable us to honour our parents throughout their lives. Aameen.