WHEN CULTURE MAKES ḤALĀL LOOK SINFUL

 FAJR REMINDER: WHEN CULTURE MAKES ḤALĀL LOOK SINFUL

By: Umm Affān

Ṣafar 20, 1448 (4-August-2026)

Some things are perfectly Ḥalāl within marriage, yet, sadly, certain cultural expectations can make them appear shameful, strange, or even sinful. Islām, however, teaches us to distinguish between what Allāh has permitted and what society has simply taught us to consider acceptable. Let us look at a few examples:

• A Wife Initiating Intimacy: In some cultures, a woman is made to feel ashamed for expressing desire for her husband. But wanting your spouse is not immodesty. Within a lawful marriage, affection and physical desire are natural parts of marital companionship. A wife is not wrong for expressing love physically or initiating intimacy with her husband. Marriage should be a place where both spouses can feel loved, wanted, and comfortable with one another.

Notably, on the issue of intimacy, foreplay is very important and should also be enjoyed mutually. Ibn Qudāmah (Raḥimahullāh) said, “Sexual intercourse with one’s wife is an obligation upon the husband as long as he does not have an excuse… It is recommended for him to play with his wife before intercourse, to arouse her desire so she gets enjoyment out of intercourse as he does.” [al-Mughnī 7/300-304]

• Bathing Together: Don't be surprised that some married couples have never tried this because they have been made to feel that it is shameful. But it is not. Within marriage, such moments of closeness can strengthen comfort, trust, affection, and intimacy. Not everything private is dirty. Some things are simply expressions of marital love.

Our role model, Allāh's Messenger (ﷺ), bathed with his wives. Maymunah, wife of the Prophet, reported: I would take a bath with the Messenger of Allāh (ﷺ), cleaning ourselves of impurities from the same vessel.” At-Tirmidhī (Raḥimahullāh) said, “It is the opinion of the majority of jurists that there is no harm for a husband and wife to bathe from the same vessel.” [Sunan At-Tirmidhī 62]

• Spouses Being Playful With Each Other: Marriage does not have to be serious every moment. Spouses can be soft and playful with one another—laughing, teasing, joking, and even racing each other. ‎‘Umar Ibn al-Khaṭṭāb (Raḍiyallāhu ‘Anhu) said: “A man must be like a young boy (friendly and joyous) towards ‎‌his family, but when the call of duty is given, he is found responding like a man.” [Aḥmad Ibn Marwān ad-Dīnawarī, al-Mujālasah wa-Jawāhir al-‘Ilm, 3/430]

Some cultures make marriage appear dry, rigid, and overly serious. But affection and playfulness are Ḥalāl. A marriage without lightness can easily become all work and responsibility, with little warmth and companionship.

Ā'ishah (Raḍiyallāhu ‘Anha) reported: She was with the Prophet (ﷺ) while on a journey. Ā'ishah said, “I raced him on foot, and I outran him, but when I gained some weight, I raced him again, and he outran me. The Prophet said: This is for that race.” [Sunan Abī Dāwūd 2578]

Ibn Kathīr (Raḥimahullāh) said, “It was the character of the Prophet to live beautifully with his wives, being cheerful and kind to them, generously spending on them, and laughing with them.” [Tafsīr Ibn Kathīr 4:19]

• A Husband Beautifying Himself For His Wife: Some people expect only the wife to look good, smell good, dress well, and make an effort for her husband. But Islām teaches that consideration and beautification go both ways. A husband should also care about his appearance for his wife.

‘Ikramah reported: Ibn ‘Abbās (Raḍiyallāhu ‘Anhuma) said, “Verily, I love to beautify myself for my wife, just as I love for her to beautify herself for me, due to the saying of Allāh Almighty: They have rights similar to those over them.” (2:228) [As-Sunan al-Kubrá 14264]

• A Husband Helping His Wife With House Chores: Serving your wife and helping around the home is not a sign of weakness or humiliation; it is a reflection of good character.

Some people act as though a man helping with cooking, cleaning, or caring for the children somehow makes him less of a man. No, it does not. The Prophet (ﷺ) himself helped his family. Al-Aswad narrated: I asked Ā'ishah, what did the Prophet (ﷺ) use to do at home? She replied, “He used to keep himself busy serving his family, and when it was time for prayer, he would go for it.” [Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 6039]

Marriage should not be shaped by cultural expectations that turn permissible affection into something shameful. Instead, let us build our homes upon what Islām teaches: love, mercy, kindness, companionship, and intimacy.

O couples, build a marriage rooted in love, mercy, and intimacy—that is shaped by Islām—not restricted by culture.

I beseech Allāh (ﷻ) to bless our homes with true love. Aameen.