THE MOTHER’S GREATER RIGHT TO BIRR

 FAJR REMINDER: THE MOTHER’S GREATER RIGHT TO BIRR

By: Umm Affān

Ṣafar 28, 1448 (12-August-2026)

Generally speaking, a child must show kindness and dutifulness to both parents. However, the mother has a greater right to a child’s kindness and companionship, and her right takes precedence over the father’s when there is a conflict in matters of Birr. Abū Hurayrah reported: A man asked the Messenger of Allāh (ﷺ), “Who is most deserving of my good company?” The Prophet said, “Your mother.” The man asked, “Then who?” The Prophet said, “Your mother.” The man asked again, “Then who?” The Prophet said, “Your mother.” The man asked again, “Then who?” The Prophet said, “Your father.” [Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 5971, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2548]

This means, for instance, that when a child has Two Hundred Thousand Naira to give to both parents, ¾ of it (i.e., 150,000 Naira) goes to the mother while ¼ of it (i.e., 50,000 Naira) goes to the father. There is no mistake about this. So, fathers should patiently accept this ruling. Children should also exercise wisdom in this matter; they do not need to disclose the exact sharing formula.

Imām Ibn Baṭṭāl (Raḥimahullāh) said that the Ḥadīth “Your mother, then your mother, then your mother, then your father” indicates that the mother has three times the share of the father in Birr, due to the hardships of pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding. These are matters in which the mother is exclusively burdened and suffers hardship, after which she shares with the father in raising the child.” [Fatḥ al-Bārī, 10/416]

What an honor bestowed upon mothers! Naturally, a child often enjoys the companionship of their mother more than that of their father because the father is often away working to provide and care for his family. This is one of the reasons the mother has been given such a tremendous status in Islām.

In a Ḥadīth reported by Mu’āwiyah Ibn Jāhimah, Jāhimah came to the Prophet (ﷺ), and he said, “O Messenger of Allāh, I intend to join the military expedition, and I seek your counsel.” The Prophet said, “Do you have a mother?” He said yes. The Prophet said, “Stay with her, for Paradise is beneath her feet.” [Sunan An-Nasā’ī 3104]

Yet, another Ḥadīth underscores the tremendous opportunity parents present to their children. Abū Hurayrah reported: The Messenger of Allāh (ﷺ) said, “May he be humiliated in whose presence I am mentioned, but he does not send blessings upon me. May he be humiliated who enters the month of Ramaḍān, but it passes before he is forgiven. May he be humiliated who lives to see his parents in their old age, but he does not enter Paradise.” [Sunan At-Tirmidhī 3545]

This indicates that having parents, especially when they reach old age and require our care, is a tremendous opportunity to earn entry into Jannah. Their presence is a blessing and a means through which a person can draw closer to Allāh.

Dear brethren, being undutiful to one’s parents (‘Uqūq al-Wālidayn) is one of the greatest major sins (Al-kabā'ir), coming directly after associating partners with Allāh (Shirk). Abū Bakrah narrated that Allāh's Messenger (ﷺ) said thrice: “Shall I not inform you of the biggest of the great sins?” We said, “Yes, O Allāh's Messenger (ﷺ).” He said, “To join partners in worship with Allāh, to be undutiful to one's parents.” [Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 5976]

Therefore, whoever has issues with their parents should not allow pride, anger, or resentment to keep them away from reconciliation. They should immediately strive to fix the relationship, seek forgiveness where necessary, and safeguard themselves from the terrible consequences of ‘Uqūq al-Wālidayn.

I beseech Allāh (ﷻ) to save us from being undutiful to our parents, to make us among those who honor them in their lifetime and after their death, and to grant our parents abundant mercy and reward. Aameen.