WHEN MARRIAGE BECOMES UNBEARABLE

 FAJR REMINDER: WHEN MARRIAGE BECOMES UNBEARABLE 

By: Umm Affān

Rabī' Al-Awwal 30, 1448 (12-September-2026)

When a woman can no longer remain in her marriage, what can she do? Islām does not require a person to remain trapped in an unbearable marriage. Rather, it provides lawful solutions and avenues for relief when a marriage can no longer be sustained.

This brings us to the biography of Ḥabībah Bint Sahl (Raḍiyallāhu 'Anha), an Anṣāriyyah woman whose story with her husband, Thābit Ibn Qays Al-Anṣārī (Raḍiyallāhu 'Anhu), is among the important narrations connected to the legislation of Khulʿ. Her case demonstrates that a woman may seek separation from her husband when there is a genuine reason for doing so.

Thābit Ibn Qays was one of the well-known and courageous Companions of the Prophet (ﷺ). He was renowned for his steadfastness and exceptional eloquence and was widely admired for his powerful voice and outstanding speaking ability. Along with these natural talents, he possessed a sincere heart and remarkable wisdom in dealing with people and different situations. Because of his eloquence and ability to speak on behalf of Islām, he became known as Khaṭīb Ar-Rasūl, the spokesman of Allāh’s Messenger (ﷺ).

Thābit was undoubtedly a righteous and honourable man. However, his wife, Ḥabībah, could no longer continue in the marriage. One narration mentions that the Prophet (ﷺ) encountered her outside before Fajr, and she informed him that she and Thābit could no longer remain together. She therefore sought separation from him. The Prophet (ﷺ) then instructed that they separate, so Thābit took back what he had given her, and they separated. [Musnad Aḥmad 27444]

Our mother, Ā'ishah (Raḍiyallāhu 'Anha), narrated: Ḥabībah, daughter of Sahl, was the wife of Thābit Ibn Qays Shammās. He beat her and broke some of her part. So she came to the Prophet (ﷺ) in the morning and complained to him against her husband. The Prophet (ﷺ) called on Thābit Ibn Qays and said (to him): “Take a part of her property and separate yourself from her.” He asked: “Is that right, Messenger of Allāh?” He said: “Yes.” He (Thābit) said: “I have given her two gardens of mine as a dower, and they are already in her possession.” The Prophet (ﷺ) said: “Take them and separate yourself from her.” [Sunan Abī Dāwūd 2228]

This narration provides an important detail about Ḥabībah's situation. It indicates that there was physical harm in the marriage, as Thābit had struck her and injured her. When she complained to the Prophet (ﷺ), he did not command her to remain in the marriage simply because Thābit was otherwise a righteous man. Instead, he instructed Thābit to take back what he had given her and separate from her.

It is also important to mention another related Ḥadīth. However, this narration does not identify the wife of Thābit by name. Ibn ‘Abbās (Raḍiyallāhu ‘Anhumā) narrated: The wife of Thābit Ibn Qays came to the Prophet (ﷺ) and said, “O Allāh's Messenger (ﷺ)! I do not blame Thābit for defects in his character or his religion, but I, being a Muslim, dislike to behave in an un-Islāmic manner (if I remain with him).” On that, Allāh's Messenger (ﷺ) said (to her), “Will you give back the garden which your husband has given you (as Mahr)?” She said, “Yes.” Then the Prophet (ﷺ) said to Thabit, “O Thābit! Accept your garden, and divorce her once.” [Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 5273]

In another narration, also reported by Ibn ‘Abbās (Raḍiyallāhu ‘Anhumā), the wife of Thābit Ibn Qays came to Allāh's Messenger (ﷺ) and said: “O Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)! I do not blame Thābit for any defects in his character or his religion, but I cannot endure to live with him.” On that, Allāh's Messenger (ﷺ) said, “Will you return his garden to him?” She said, “Yes.”

These narrations are among the famous reports establishing the principle of Khulʿ, whereby a woman may seek separation from her husband and return what she received from him as compensation. However, we should be careful when discussing the precise reason why Ḥabībah sought separation. The narration specifically concerning Ḥabībah Bint Sahl mentions that Thābit struck and injured her. The other narrations reported by Ibn ‘Abbās refer only to “the wife of Thābit Ibn Qays” without mentioning her name. Therefore, we should not definitively identify that unnamed woman as Ḥabībah without qualification.

What is clear, however, is that the Prophet (ﷺ) permitted Khul' when there was a genuine reason for separation. This demonstrates the fairness and balance of Islām: marriage is a serious covenant, but a woman is not required to remain in a marriage when continuing it has become genuinely unbearable or harmful.

At the same time, a woman should only seek Khul' (separation from her husband) for a legitimate reason—especially when her religion or well-being is in jeopardy if she remains in that marriage. Women are therefore warned against seeking separation frivolously, without a genuine reason. Thawbān reported that the Messenger of Allāh (ﷺ) said: “If a woman asks her husband for a divorce without a strong reason, the fragrance of Paradise becomes forbidden for her.” [Sunan Abī Dāwūd 2226]

Another important matter related to Khul' is the duration of the 'Iddah (waiting period). Ibn ‘Abbās (Raḍiyallāhu ‘Anhumā) narrated: “The wife of Thābit Ibn Qays separated herself from him for compensation. The Prophet (ﷺ) made her waiting period a menstrual course.” [Sunan Abī Dāwūd 2229] In another narration, Ibn ‘Umar (Raḍiyallāhu ‘Anhumā) said: “The waiting period of a woman who separates herself from her husband for compensation is a menstrual period.” [Sunan Abī Dāwūd 2230]

These narrations demonstrate the mercy and balance of the Sharī‘ah. Islām does not treat marriage lightly, nor does it encourage spouses to abandon their marriages over trivial matters. At the same time, it does not close the door of relief when continuing a marriage becomes genuinely harmful or unbearable. Islām is truly the balanced religion that comes from no one other than Allāh, our Creator. Its rulings protect the rights of both men and women while providing lawful solutions when difficulties arise.

I beseech Allāh (ﷻ) to be especially Merciful to all our pious predecessors. Aameen.